Need some advice regarding a married man & flirting....

  1. I've noticed this happening for a while now, but it never really hit me (or kinda weirded me out) until Today. There's this guy, Sergey in my Economics group. He's Russian, 28, married, and has a daughter that's 11. Things started off kind of nice. He'd offer to pay for my lunch some days when I didn't have any small cash with me or if my student card was out of money. No biggie, I always offered to pay him back but he always insisted that it wasn't a big deal. So I just kind of let it go.

    Then it started to get into things like me saying "I miss this and this from America"...and then he comes in a few days later with that specific thing for me. Nice surprise of course, and I naturally thanked him and offered to pay...but no. Today just kind of topped it off a little bit. He tried to hold my hand while we were walking out of the Commons area after eating lunch. We eat with eachother (a whole group of us eats together)...I didn't really know what to do, so I just squeezed his hand in a friendly way and then let go.

    Now...I'm just kind of weirded out by it, since I know that he's married and I know that he has a little girl. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it in front of everybody, but I have no clue how to approach him about this! Sure, it's flattering and everything - but still! I know that he's not happy in his marriage. He always complains about his wife and how he's looking forward to when he can leave Coburg so he can also leave her. I guess the story kind of goes like this: He was 17 and his wife was 15 when she got pregnant with their daughter. Their parents forced them to marry, and they have basically been staying together for their daughter.

    Any advice on how to confront somebody about this?

    PS: I haven't told Bart about the holding hand thing (I let him know about the lunch thing and he didn't really think it was a big deal) but I plan to when he comes home! He won't be mad, since I wasn't the one that initiated the flirting...Hopefully he'll have some wise words for me!
     
  2. Personally, I would't say anything about it and just stay as far away from the guy as possible - nothing good can come from that on either end, be careful thats dangerous stuff you are dealing with even if you didn't mean to initiate anything. Honestly, I'd just try not to spend time with the guy even for casual lunches, he's not looking for a casual lunch mate. Just my word of caution - not your fault but dont want you in the midst of something. If he doesn't get the message then deal with the next step.
     
  3. i've had this kind of weird/awkward situation before. i'm a confrontational person, so i would just confront him, i.e. "we need to talk...i'm sorry if i'm taking things the wrong way, but i feel like you are blah blah...i really enjoy our friendship and i'm just not comfortable with blah blah"...

    lol sorry for the blah blahs, but you get the point. good to start the convo from "i feel like" instead of accusing him, and let him know it's not comfortable for you and will negatively affect your friendship..
     
  4. Yeah, just don't put yourself in a position that may get awkward...like walk with someone else in btn you two...don't accept free lunches...go to lunch with a group...it's really an easy fix.
     
  5. I agree. At this point you don't necesserly need to confront him yet, just put some distance between you 2. Always go for lunch in a group, find any excuse to not be just with him.........And if he still doesn't get it, then you'll need to talk. Gosh these men !!!!!!! He's married (happy or not whatever) and you're pregnant !!! You'd think he 'd know better !!
    Good luck!
     
  6. Thanks everybody! I'm glad that you all think that I don't need to confront him just yet - I'm not a very confrontational person and I will do everything in my power not to make someone upset or embarassed, lol :smile:

    I emailed one of my girlfriends at school about it, and she absolutely agreed. She said that she'll make a point to sit next to me tomorrow during lunch (she sits next to me during classes anyway) and she also agreed that it was out of line for him to even do that.

    He knows about Bart and he knows about the baby (it's kind of hard not to notice the baby since I've ballooned up like a pregnant whale), so I have no clue where he would get the notion that I was interested. I like to consider myself a very friendly person and I'm pretty much nice to everybody. I guess that kind of worked against me this time, haha.
     
  7. Just take some space. Hopefully he'll get the hint. I would, but most guys aren't as intuitive as I!
     
  8. I would NEVER go near a married man and any man that is prepared to cheat on his wife is not any good anyway!
     
  9. Give a guy an inch, they'll take a yard.

    See what your friend says next time all of you have lunch. But i think this guy is looking for more than a friend..

    Unless a guy is blantantly told the boundaries of a friendship, they'll tend to take it as far as they want to. Even when you are up front w/ a guy, sometimes, they still don't get it. :confused1:

    If he keeps making you feel uncomfortable, stay away!!
     
  10. I agree!

    They always use the excuse 'they aren't happy, my wife doesn't understand me, she won't have sex with me.' When I was in my 20's, I had a friend that had an affair. She heard this crap & guess what, his wife got PG! Of course she dumped him then.
     
  11. Hey now, I can say the same about many girls.

    The most recent was a girl I met at the bar. Things were fine and I was pretty interested...until she got completely wasted, stormed out of the bar, and called me a b*stard and a mf'er cause I was talking to a female friend of mine. Then she had the nerve to wonder why I had done a 180 and wasn't returning her calls anymore. I finally had to flat out tell her I was not interested in her...period! Don't call me, don't walk to my house drunk and practically drag me back to the bar, then proceed to get mad cause I refuse to have sex with you cause "Look at me, I'm hot. Every guy wants to have sex with me" (and yes, she actually said that). LEAVE ME ALONE!
     
  12. ^^:roflmfao: Love your posts Charles, we definitely needed someone like you here !!
     
  13. McNasty. Run away from him. Remember, there's no such thing as a free lunch!
     
  14. You can always ask to call his wife to confirm that she'd be ok with him dating you ;)
     
  15. ITA...I guess it's true...no such thing a s a free lunch...lol