Need some advice on how to help a friend who just got dumped..

  1. Hey everyone,

    A very close friend of mine recently got dumped by who she thought was her future husband. She is devastated and calls me crying daily, if not 2 - 3 times a day. He ended things about 2 weeks ago, and her imagination is getting a little carried away and she thinks he has already moved on and has started seeing someone else.

    Can anyone give me some advice on some words of wisdom to offer her? Nothing is making her happy and it's breaking my heart to see her so sad. I know time heals all wounds and she will get over this, but it's killing me to see her so upset. OR maybe suggest something fun to do with her to distract her while she is healing?

  2. Just make sure to be there for her as much as u can , and if he is seeing someone all ready than he wasnt really worth it in the first place.
  3. I'm trying, but I feel like I'm letting her down by not saying enough...

    I said the same thing to her as well, that, and it's not something she can control and as much as it does hurt, if that is what he is up to, then you have to accept it and move on.
  4. Well, sometimes the best thing you can do is just being there. No words can do anything at this point.
  5. Agree with Perja, be there for her!

    .......and take her bag shopping.
  6. But without a credit card :biggrin:

    Perhaps make her a care basket with some treats she might enjoy, chocolate, bubble bath... a nice video for both of you to watch and lots of tissue

  7. Sometimes people just need an ear to listen and that's it.

    I agree w/ Perja. and shopping always takes off a mind load... LOL
  8. This just happened to my friend, and all I can really do is be there for her...Its hard, but, at least she knows you're there for her whenever she needs you to be :smile:
  9. I agree with all the advice. My bf and I had a falling out a couple years ago and I was devastated. My friends let me mope around for about three weeks and then one day a good friend of mine just told me to "get a life!" ..although it shocked me, it told me that enough was enough and I had to move on. You just have to be there for her, but then know when to tell her to get over it and let it be. I am back together with my bf, but I am now wiser to know that there is life after a relationship and its not horrible and hearts can mend if it's not ment to be.
  10. The most important thing you can do is listen. She feels very alone right now and you are wonderful to care about her well being.

    She could really benefit with any kind of displacement activity (shopping, spa day, dinner, a movie) that can take her mind off of her heart ache.

    I wrote a silly article "How shopping can mend a broken heart" at GrechensCloset, if your interested.
  11. You sound like your are already being a great friend. I would just talk to her and do a lot of girlie things with her, make her remember how fun it was to be single, live it up.

    I know this sounds crazy but usually I would take my recently dumped girlfriends out shopping, or to lunch. We would get a new outfit then I would say I would usually take them to a shooting range.

    My hubby took me a few years ago and it was so much fun! I know it sounds kooky but last time we went shopping so we could look cute with our guns (I got a silver BCBG bolera thinking I would match my gun turned out I got a black gun! Hmmm, that backfired, giggle!)

    Anyways, it is fun to try something new. Shooting is alwasy exciting and it is always fun to challenge yourself (change up the targets). And if you go on the right nights there are lots of single cops there practicing! :smile: And they are always happy to help the ladies out!

    Just go and have fun!! do girlie things and let her talk about it if she wants. Just be there for her.

    If she hasn't told you already, Thank you for being such a good friend to her!
  12. Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice.

    Shopping WITHOUT the credit card will be something I can do, and I liked the idea of a basket of her favourite things - that's a great one. The Gucci sale is coming up... hmm ideas... thanks!

    I'm trying to be a good listener, and I hope I am being a good listener. I told her to call me any time, and she does.

    Blushingbaby - a friend of hers already told her to get over it and that he owes her nothing, and she wasn't ready to hear it, which turned into a hysterical phone call to me. Not that I disagree with what you are saying, but it really hurt her. If it's still like this in a month, I will be taking your advice. She is a grown woman and needs to move on.

    Japster - I love your article, so cute!

    Iliabags - you and your hubby are so cute, that's a great picture. I never thought of a shooting range. I don't know if I can get to one easily in Toronto, BUT, I can get her to a driving range which may be a great idea.

    Thanks again gals! You rock!!!
  13. She definitely needs to know that there is hope in this... this is an opportunity for something better...I know how hard that is when you are in the middle of the storm, but, some of the thing which seem the most devastating to our lives ends up bringing the greatest blessings;...she will be ok...this too shall pass.

    It's you, Jo Ly, I am worried about...she is really leaning on you a lot, and that is not an easy roll to play. Yes, I agree, be there for her, but don't let it take you into a hole...ultimately, this is her struggle, you can not pull her out, she has to do that for supportive, be there for her, but take care of yourself and don't let it "kill you". I know it hurts, but many autoimmune diseases come about when caring friends care so much about things they can not fix. Let her find her way, be positive for her, and take care of yourself. There is only so much you can do…

    Be sure to give yourself some time off.
  14. Jo Ly, you're a wonderful friend. (I could have done with someone like you at my last breakup!).

    One of my friends said, "Whatever, get over it" when I told her about the breakup, and to this day, I have not forgiven her for saying that. It was cruel and unneccessary. My best friend had a very young baby at that time (this was 7 years ago, I am now very happily married), and she recently apologised to me and said she wished she was more supportive. Luckily I had a friend in a different town who let me come and visit her, the change in scenery was wonderful. It took my mind off the breakup, and we went and did things like rollerblading.

    Let her talk about it for a while, but then force her to look outside the square by doing things. Good luck!
  15. Like everyone says here....LISTEN and be there for her. She does need you and it won't last forever, so when she's calling for the 5 time in an hour just sit and listen! Take her shopping, go to a spa, go on a road trip or have a girls night out!!! I always tell my friends that everything happens for a reason, good or bad. She will probably meet somebody way better, just give it time. Don't let her call him and make a fool of herself though!!