Need advice with about what to do with my friend :long:

  1. I'm having an issue with one of my very close friends. He has always been a little eccentric, but the last few times ive had him over to just hang out hes really seemed kind of disrespectful. Heres the story:

    My parents went to Europe last month for a couple weeks and I decided to stay here and watch the house and animals. He offered to come over and keep me company a couple days and I really was looking forward to having some company. He came by and brought snacks and movies which was nice, but as dinner time rolled around he suggested pizza. sure, thats fine, i'm not picky, but i told him i had a really good one in the freezer that we could just put in the oven. he said he felt like ordering pizza, so we did. Call in for delivery, a few minutes goes by and he says that he has no cash and asked if i had enough to cover it ( :cursing: ) A little taken back I just said that i did. 26 dollars later we get our dinner and put a movie in. He excuses himself to the bathroom and returns a few minutes later, we finish the movie and call it a night. he heads home and i go upstairs to get ready for bed.

    Next morning at 5 am my dogs decide they need to go out NOW so out they go, i prepare their breakfasts and go to the bathroom while theyre outside barking at who knows what. Now this is what got me... i flush and my friend last night clogged my toilet! gROSS! ive never dealt with that, i have NO idea where the plunger is and my skin is just crawling. Fuming mad I let my dogs in and do their morning feeding then try to go back to sleep. That afternoon my boyfriend comes over, I told him about what happened, bless his heart he said not to worry he would fix it, but alas, we searched and could not find the plunger. we had to call my 78 year old grandfather to fix it. disgusting.

    Anyways. Next week rolls around. I am a pretty passive person by nature and blow off the event that happened the week before. I invite my friend over again but instead of ordering in food we went out. I told him since I bought dinner last week that it would be fair if he got it this week. to this, he replied 'wow youre forward arnt you??' :wtf: silly me, i thought that would be a fair suggestion!! Fastforward to later that evening, were watching another movie, he had brought over snacks and drinks and were were just watching the film and catching up. He excuses his self again, at this point redflags and flares went off in my head and i told him what happened last week. he said a quick sorry and not to worry. Movie ends, he takes all partially eaten snacks/drinks/ and even my leftovers ( :confused1: ) home with him, and i go up stairs and turn in for the night, feeling a bit confused about this whole thing.

    Next morning, i'm up at 5 with my pups doing the morning routine again and i bet you can guess... HE DID IT AGAIN!!! at this point i was livid to say the least. Later that morning i called him and told him what happened and to come over with something to fix it. after making a few excuses, he wouldnt come over to help me. My boyfriend came by again that afternoon, and was probably just as upset as i was that this happened twice, with out my 'friend' telling me that he did this at all. we havnt spoken in 2 or 3 weeks since that has happened because frankly? im sick of it.

    Now heres the problem, his birthday is coming up soon and he just asked (via txt message) if my boyfriend and i wanted to join them. theyre going to bar hop in boston, which as he knows, i really dont enjoy (my hearing isnt that wonderful so this is a hard environment for me), but i would normally still go and just try to have a good time with my friends.

    I'm really torn what i should do. not just about his birthday, but our friendship in general. this situation is kind of poking at the last ounce of patience i have with this guy. through out our friendship (about 8 or 9 years) ive not led on that i was overly upset at something, or that i thought something was disrespectful, i think because of this i tend to get walked on more than others (i am a sucker to make others happy apparently). becacuse as i said, im very lax about a lot of things, and i really try not to let things bother me to much, but i feel as though im at the end here. I'm not feeling that he is respecting our friendship, and this is one of a few examples I've seen which would support that.

    should I try to save the friendship or just let it fizzle out (which i have tried a few times over the years with no luck at all)? should i suck it up and go to his birthday in boston? is there a way i should confront him about this that wouldnt cause to much drama? he knows i am very upset at what happened, do i need to explain it further to him? Ive never really had an issue that bothered me so much with a friend and am so lost at how to handle this!
  2. :wtf: Wow. I think I would be *very* tempted to just let this friendship go its way and die. It seems to me that he has gotten more eccentric with age, and he will likely get even moreso. Just too strange...

    I'd "have something already planned" on his birthday, if I were you.
  3. It sounds like he is used to taking advantage of you and will just continue to do it. What do you get out of him as a friend? He sounds kind of strange and the toilet thing is just too much......he had to have known what he did. I would skip the bar thing with him, you don't need to celebrate or owe him anything. I also agree with the above post that it may be time to move on and end the friendship. Friendship is a two way street and you need to give respect and support to be a friend not just take and take.
  4. At the beginning of our friendship was also around the end of highschool so there was a lot of transitions going on, also Ive not been at my healthiest these past few years (but doing 1000x better now!) and he didnt abandon me like some of my other friends have. Maybe since this is also a turning point in my life health wise, its time to start anew with ending this friendship.
    As difficult as it is to end a relationship, we know how to do it... but how do you break up with a friend?
  5. I think you should def. talk to him about the money situation. As far as the toilet clogging, maybe he had really bad diarrhea?
  6. I think that if you feel like this friendship is worth anything, you should sit him down and tell him what you told us. That you respect that he stuck by you through some difficult situations (health?) but that you have let a lot of things slide and these last few things have really bothered you. He will a.) apologize and try to change, because maybe when he knows what you expect out of him he can monitor his behavior. (This could happen--if he never knew he was upsetting you, he would have had no reason to check himself) b.) get mad and end the friendship himself. Either way, you have been honest and the ball is in his court.

    Good luck!
  7. tricky....

    with the boston thing, since there's all this mixed feelings and you don't enjoy bar hopping, i'd say skip it. tlel him you're not up for it and wish him happy birthday on the day itself.

    if you decide to let this friendship go,,, there's no need to break up i think... you just let it fizzle out... if he asks you if anything is wrong, then you can tell him you were very disturbed with all of this and it's very disrespectful etc

    at that point it depends on what he says, he might tell you he's really sorry and try to make it up to you. then the question is are you set on cutting him out of your life or do you want to try to repair the friendship?

    with the friendship... because he was there for you when you were going through tough times, i'm inclined to try to work things out...

    Is he going through a $$ tight time now? did he lose his job or anything? if i were him, i wuld have said, of course this meal's on me! but it doesnt sound like that was what he was thinking at all. :shrugs:

    Some ppl have a tendency to take advantage of other ppl. if you think that's the type he is, then you can still remain friends if you put your foot down and make it clear you will not be taken advantage of.

    of course, the logical question following will be, WHY do i want to be friends with someone who takes advantage of me?? the answer being that life and people are complex. and i give alot of credit to frens who are there for you when the going gets tough and when everyone else avoids you. he may try to take advantahe of others but there's something in him that made him be there for you. so he's not altogether a bad egg...

    as for the bathroom, if this ever happens again, you scream bloody murder and you insist he comes over to take care of it. the next time he comes over, check the bathroom before he leaves. don't make it obvious. just pretend like you're going to us ethe bathroom and then if it doesn't flush, go Uh oh JOHN i think we have a problem, you need to fix it..... this has happened for the 3 time you know. If you're stuffing alot of tissue into the toilet pls stop doing that cos it jamms up the system!!

    the other way is to meet at a bar/restaurant in the future. so he won't use your bathroom. and make sure he has cash with him. or else tell him, since u don't have cash, why don't you sign for it and i'll give you cash for my share.
  8. Hi I would wish him happy birthday via text, give his bar hop a wide berth and let the relationship fizzle out totally. The reason it may sound harsh is because if most people did what he did in your bathroom, the very least you would do is say sorry and try to fix it. He has not tried to fix it 2 times and I think it is disgusting. Its not bad to have a runny tummy, but fixing it is the least he could do.

    Its hard because you seem like a nice person and people just take advantage, he did bring snacks and drinks but he is also drinking and eating, using your tv and sofa and its the least he could do!
    Good luck with your decision.
  9. hmmmm, I have a very different take....

    Well, if your not into bar hopping, just wish him a happy birthday, tell him honestly it's not your thing, but you hope he has a fab time! It is after all his birthday, he should be able to choose how to enjoy it...and even though you don't want to go it's always nice to be asked...kwim?

    Now onto the other stuff...sorry, I actually thing you're a bit in the wrong. You are the host, if you are eating in food is your resposibility. It was nice of him to bring a movie and snacks, he more than did his part...and if prices are anything like the are here, he probably spent about 15 bucks doing it. Maybe it was a bit cheeky to instist about ordering in pizza, but not fatal to a friendship, at least to me. I like frozen kids hate it for some reason.

    Now a clogged toilet, really isn't that big of deal. Most people have plungers handy and if you do, it takes less than 2 minutes to fix. Should he have said something...of course, but he was embarassed, perfectly understandable.

    Now, the second week, again he brings a movie and snacks...probably another 15 bucks, now at this point he has actually spent more than you. You invite yes, it is completly rude to ask him to pay, especially in the manner you did. If the money issue was really bugging you, you should have said, upfront in the invite, something about being a little short so it would have to be dutch...but even that is a stretch...when you invite someone, you are the host. You can't invite someone and then ask them to pay. It was very forward and incredible rude of you to do so and he was honest and said so. No wonder he took everything home with him...he was feeling used by you. Honestly, I would too.

    Also, I would never put my friend on the spot about something so slight as a clogged toilet. It is not his fault you didn't know how to deal with it.

    Personally, I would laugh it off. By inviting you to his birthday that's what he has done.