Need advice again! What to do with Smokey now? LizaVet need your input too!

  1. Hi All,

    So since my last posting about Smokey (my 2 year old maine coon who died really suddenly from Kidney Failure/FLUTD after trying everything) I have still been really struggling. It takes me a couple of hours to fall asleep at night I am just so upset about.

    I know I had asked how soon was too soon to get a new baby but then our friend had a moving situation that left no place for his cat, so I offered to watch her for 6 months. So I have a new cat kind of. Except, she hates Cooper (my golden) and doens't want anything to do with anyone. I can't stop crying over how sweet my Smokey was. I have never missed anything this badly in my life (and my husband has been deployed 20 months out of 26 and I didn't hurt this badly)

    Anyway . . . Smokey came today. The ER vet we had him to in GA refused to let us pay the bills (over $5,000) and had him cremated without charging us. I thought I would be OK . . . but I have been bawling for an hour. Now I don't know what to do . . .my husband is a navy pilot and we are moving to VA next week. He thinks I should put his ashes in the bushes around the house because that was his fave place to be (besides cuddled on the bed) but I can't imagine leaving him here when we leave next week. I am just sick over this.

    Lizavet8, I need your advice too. I stay awake at night just staring at the ceiling convinced and sick I could have done something. I know you said you lost 2 young cats to a similiar thing . . . what happened!?

    I keep playing the events over in my mind. How he was peeing blood two weeks earlier and I rushed him to the ER vet and they said he had FLUTD, gave him antis and then told me to take him to the vet the next day. I did the vet said he had inflammation from it and gave me pain pills and a cortisone shot. He was fine! Not blocked! Then a week later he started dripping blood again outside the litter box. I took him back to the vet the same day and he said "this should be the last shot and he will be fine". The next night I noticed he hadn't peed that afternoon and he was trying. I didn't feel the blockage like ball they had. I WAS going to rush him to the ER vet right then at 10pm but our friend who is in vet school and works at this amazing eR clinic (the one in GA) said he will be fine until AM but be there when they open at 6am.

    He slept on my bed that night and wondered around a little bit and at 6am I handed him over to the vet. The vet called us back that afternoon and said his kidney levels were so high (14 when I guess 4 is bad) it was like he drank antifreeze. We live in FL and I don't even keep that at the house. However the are differing stories on if he was even blocked. The vet told my husband he became blocked once he was there. . He said his kidneys were so bad and had to be put to sleep(the subfluids weren't working). I freaked. That is when the two techs from the eR clinic in GA drove over night and got to the vet hospital to transpot him back there 6 hours with a cathter and IV's. This is my husbands best friend and they had the ten vets most from UGA working on him. Even a visiting one from LA.

    He was doing so much better. His numbers went down for his kidneys and he was purring and sitting up. Then he blocked again and again. They would have to take him off the iv to keep his bladder from bursting but then his kidney numbers would soar. Then the blocking got out of control.

    When they called us our friend was in tears and said he tried everything even after the doctors gave up. He said that there was surgery which I said "yes" too and he said it is inhumane. He would be in more pain and it would prolong his life for a couple of weeks. He gave him a valium and then put his to sleep. When I write this I feel like I am going to be sick. I have gotten a nice note from the vet saying there "Was nothing I could have done". Another person said they have done studies where maine coons have serious kidney problems. I just STILL FEEL RESPONSIBLE. It is tearing apart my life and my husband and I are having issues over it because he thinks it is time I move on. They never did a blood test the first 3 times he was in there to get shots and I blame myself. I trusted what they said. I didn't make sure he got wet food (I never knew dry food was bad), I should have taken him that night at 10pm. Those hours would have made the difference I tell myself. Our friend says the outcome would have been the same but this way he got to spend a night in bed with me vs. a cage. I just don't believe it. i think they want to keep from hurting me. I just need help on how to get over losing a cat when you feel 100% responsible.
  2. {{{{MrsKitty}}}} I am so sorry for your loss! I know what you are going through, with a cat, and a dog. I raise and show dogs and sometimes the males cannot get along and must be kept separate. I had successfully done it for 7 years (15 acres, dog runs, different yards, and each took his turn in the house with Mom). One day, I did not notice a gate was unlatched and the two were face to face. A horrible fight ensued, I finally broke it up (two 80 lb dogs), but it was not in time to save one of the dogs. He died 36 hours later, after thousands at the vet.

    I cried for days and could not sleep for a few weeks (close my eyes and saw the fight) and blamed myself day and night. What if? What if? What if? over and over in my mind.

    You cannot dwell on 'woudld have, could have, should have'. It soiunds like you and your vets pulled out all the stops you gave your kitty the best they had to offer. And then let him go when he suffered too much. That is the most unselfish thing to do. I have friends that say (and I think I agree), better to let them go one day too early, than one day too late...

    And then a week later my 5 year old kitty (Oriental Shorthair) died of acute kidney failure, a total surprise and unexpected.

    All I can say is you must go on. Are there any pet loss support groups in your area (some humane societies have meetings). If not, maybe an online support group can help you, by reaching out to people who know how you feel, and are in various stages of grief and can help you through it.

    I know it is hard, but please try to look forward. It's all you can do. Don't be alone with your thoughts to get more and more upset, I think you should find some support group.

    Sorry this was so long. I hope I didn't hijack the thread too much.
  3. *hugs* mrskitty, I know how hard this can be. Our dog died suddenly back in 1999 - woke up to people crying, got up, and my dad was sitting on the sofa next to our dog who had passed in her sleep. Her collar was still warm. the night before I had wanted to take her for a walk, but mom said no... to this day I wonder if I had taken her for a walk if she would still be alive? But then I never would've gotten our other wonderful pets.

    Things happen for a reason - perhaps you can take the unfortunate knowledge of maine coons and pass it on to others to can hopefully learn before its too late? You can start a journal - write down all of your feelings in it, and if it makes you feel better you can burn or throw out the papers afterward. Don't be afraid to cry - if it makes you feel better do it! And if you need an ear, I'd be more than happy to talk with you via email.

    Take care, we're here for you
  4. This poor kitty is probably very confused and scared right now and wondering why she has been left alone in a strange place with strange people and a strange dog. I know you are grieving for Smokey but please try to give a little love to your temporary houseguest! And, judging by how much you are still mourning, I'd say it would be best NOT to adopt another cat anytime soon. In fact it probably wasn't a good idea to take in your friend's cat, but I know you were trying to help and it was very nice of you to offer.

    You have my utmost sympathy for your loss. I don't even want to contemplate losing one of my babies--my Mathilda was sick recently and I was a mess for almost 2 weeks. But you must stop blaming yourself, OK? It doesn't help and doesn't honor your happy memories of Smokey.
  5. So true!
  6. Madamefifi,
    Thats one thing about me not matter how sad I am I just want to love my pets (or houseguest pets) I have spents the last 5 days I had off tryng to make her feel comfortable. She has started laying with me on the couch and she in the dog have started ignoring each other (I guess a good sign). Her dad said she doesn't like to be held (she will growl) and that sometimes when you pet her she will try and bite you because it is a game they played??? I still shower her wilth love but it sounds like this has how she has always been. It is just werid for me because I had a cat like Smokey who would sit on my lap like a baby upright for a whole movie . . .not that I am comparing them. I just brough the houseguest up to reply to my old post about getting another kitty. My real problem is trying to stop blaming myself for Smokey's death :sad: I hate this and my husband is getting annoyed with me at this point.
  7. Thanks you guys. You are really helping me. I hate how I feel about this and I just miss him so much. So thank you . . . it really helps to hear from you guys
  8. I'm so sorry for your loss. You HAVE to let this go. I know it is the hardest thing to do but you have to try. You did SO much for your baby. I know you did everything you could the best way you knew how. I have had to let quite a few of my fur kids go throughout my life and there wasn't one I didn't second guess myself and play "what if". Even after the vet told me I had done all I could do I still worried about it. Smokey knows you love him and did everything to make sure his life was the best it could be. Sometimes that means letting them go before they are suffering and make the choice for you. As for his ashes I would take them with you. I have the ashes off all my kids that have passed and I can talk to them any time. You will never stop missing him but you have to convince yourself that Smokey had the best life he could have lived and you let him go at the right time. I have learned one thing from having to make this decision. It is MUCH MUCH better to let them go a day too early than a day too late.
  9. MKH,
    I'm so terribly sorry about Smokey. My husband is an equine vet, and last winter my old horse (which really loved my husband more than me!) broke his leg, and my husband destroyed him for me. Ever since then, he has had a difficult time with horse euthanasia. Vets feel things very strongly too...I remember every animal I've ever lost whether it was my "fault" or there was nothing I could do.
    FLUTD remains a poorly understood entity. Male cats, due to the configuration of their urethras, are, to be honest, poorly designed for urination. There remains a great deal we don't know about the mechanisms of FLUTD.
    That said, it sounds like you were in excellent veterinary hands. Without having seen Smokey as a patient, it would be unfair of me to comment on the choices and treatment plans made by those vets.
    The important thing now is you. You went further than many owners. When I first began practice, I recieved a phone call about a blocked cat...I quoted $200 and the guy laughed and said he'd shoot the cat before he spent that kind of money, then hung up on me. (That was in 2002!) I wish for you to find a way to stop second guessing yourself. Life is very, very short, and we have to allow ourselves some grace sometimes. You gave the kitty a wonderful life, and he knew he was loved in the time you had him. I would suggest getting a new kitty of your own, as a fresh start in VA. I think you should have Smokey move with you, and sprinke his ashes at the new place, so he's with you.
    Time does heal all wounds, and my main concern is you, and you getting yourself better. We are all pulling for you, and thinking of you. Remember, Smokey is no longer in any pain.