My good friend just had a baby today... and I feel blue

  1. I feel like a bad person. How is it possible to feel two distinctly different emotions at the same time? I am over the moon for my dear friend, who had her second child today. Popped by the hospital to see her and her newborn daughter and husband. They now have two under age two. My friend is the same age I am (38). The baby is beautiful, and they are all doing well. But I left feeling blue. My husband and I learned in 2006 that we could not conceive because I am in menopause. Yes, menopause... and had been for at least four years (since age 34, they think)! We adopted... and have a beautiful son. He's 15 months old and the light of my life. But I still feel blue today after visiting my friend. I feel so selfish for saying that. But somehow just knowing that others are able to get pregnant and have children so easily sometimes makes me feel like less of a woman. Does that make ANY sense? I guess maybe I feel cheated that I didn't get to have the "whole" experience by being pregnant and delivering a child myself. I am still a mom and my son is every bit as much my own as if I had carried and delivered him myself. But somehow, looking at my friend there in the hospital bed breastfeeding, I couldn't help feeling a bit... jealous, maybe? No, not jealous. Sad? What's the word/emotion... I have no idea. Okay. That's it. Just had to get that out. :smile: If anyone out there identifies, would love to hear from you. I can't be the only one. Off to get my son up from his nap and see that big smile that melts my heart!
     
  2. I've been having a baby blues day today too... go wake that little giggle box up and he will cheer you up :yes:
     
  3. You're not the only one BH. Each and everytime I visit a friend who has given birth, each time I see/hear of another colleague/friend/relative pregnant, each time I see women on the streets with kids, each time i hear of so and so having delivered a baby, etc, etc, etc I feel so much less of a woman. I feel happy and I feel sad/angry/disillusion etc all at once. Why can't i conceive already? So you're definitely not alone.
     
  4. I am truly sorry that you were not able to carry and give birth to your own child but you are very lucky to have been able to adopt. It is understandable to feel blue about not actually having that experience. You are not alone. It does not mean that you are in any way less of a parent or less of a wife or less of a woman. You have been given a gift, your son, and while you did not carry him and give birth, he is yours in every other way. And we are here if you ever need to vent, this is definitely the place to cry, be sad, share news, and just have people to listen.
     
  5. BG ~ I'm so sorry you're not able to have that experience. Those feelings are totally understandable.. I've been TTC 3 1/2 years... They say I am peri menopause.. I do ovulate every month but I have a high FSH most months. My girlfriends tell me that it's not a "big deal" to be pregnant and that your body goes through these terrible changes..etc. I know that they say that to make me feel better but then when someone gives birth, that's all they talk about is their pregnancy.. Ugh, that's when I just leave the room. I totally empathize with you. I feel like it's so part of being a woman.. At times I just break down and cry.. I think that every basic living thing on this earth is supposed to eat, sh!t and reproduce and I can't do it. I feel like a defect.


    I went to visit my gf in the hosp a few months ago and my mom happened to work there as well. She came up and visited to and held the baby and I just felt like crying because I wondered if I would ever give birth and have my mom come see me. Ugh.. I'm going to cry just typing about it..

    So you're not alone... I have my good days and bad.. But now I'm just trying to take a break and focus on the good things in my life.. So try to do that and have that help you through. You can be sad sometimes and let it out but know that you have a wonderful blessing in your child and that he is so lucky to have the two of you. In fact, I look up to you that you had the courage to adopt. I'm not in that place yet and I'm not sure if we will ever be..
     
  6. Thank you for your kind words, everyone. This forum is helpful, isn't it? mssmelanie, if I can help with any adoption info ever... let me know. My FSH (when I found out we couldn't conceive) was 97!!! I had no idea how high that was. I'd never even heard of FSH level at that time. I think more women ought to be aware of it. If I'd known about it earlier, we would have probably had it tested and gotten pregnant years sooner. Not sure what we were waiting for... you know how that goes. Busy with career, house, life, etc. Then one day you say, "gee, what ARE we waiting for?" And then to find out about the stupid FSH level and know that probably if we'd tried 3-4 years earlier (in my case) we might have been able to get pregnant. Wow.
     
  7. BG ~ Yes, it's quite helpful.. I've been on other Fertility forums but I found it too hard for me to read them. I would just cry and cry. I guess I like it here better because we all love Purses and that's why we're here in the first place then I can also find support on this thead.. KWIM? I like that INFERTILITY is not the main focus on the forum....but I can find support with people who know how I feel. No one really knows how it feels except for people in the same situation.

    I totally hear you on the not ever thinking that this would've been a problem. I just took it for granted that you just automatically HAVE children when you're ready. After you think you have the house, make a decent living, travelled a little.. Boy was I wrong.

    Thanks for your offering help on adoption info..I might take you up on that when/if I'm in that place...
     
  8. I understand how you feel as well.
    One of my best friend's gave birth last weekend, and I felt happy for her yet there was a heavy sadness I had inside. Then I felt guilt... thinking I was some awful person.
    But God blessed you with the child you were meant to have, this was his plan.
    That's what I keep telling myself, there is a plan for me and will be blessed when it is my time.
    Until then, I continue to wait......