My friend's husband just threated to leave my friend

  1. My friend just called me sobbing on the phone, her husband just threated to leave her if she doesn't slim down :sad:.. here is the details

    She was my senior back in college and she got married right after graduation. Two years ago, she gave birth to a cute little girl, but she gained close to 20 pounds on her pregancy. Two years have passed and she hasnt been able to lose the baby weight she gained during her pregancy. To make matter worse, she has gained an additional 10 pounds in the 2 years period. The last time i saw her, she was really cheerful, she was even making jokes about how she would resigned buying clothes from the "maternity section"

    Her husband, on the other hand, keep himself fit and on top of his games. He has encouraged her to slim down along the way, but it is to no avail :sad:

    According my friend, he has threated to file for a divorce unless she gets her act together. Im at a loss of what to advice her.. i can't encourage her to leave her husband. On other hand, it seems very superficial to slim down so that her husband wouldn't leave her..so what do i tell her?
     
  2. OMG! so sorry to hear this :'(
    That is just Horrible!!!! he should love her for who she is and accept her the way she is! ugh!
    I truly hate men who think like this. if my husband ever said anything like that I wouldn't stay with him..respect would just go out the window..I mean threatning to divorce over weight gain?? come on??? what if the person was REALLY sick? leave her over that too?? pfffft. how could she trust him if he's this shallow? :/

    I honestly am not sure what should be said to her :'( the problem is that they have a child..but..if he's rude like this then it's best for her child if she leaves him cause it will affect the kid too.

    he needs to learn the word respect.and he shouldn't focus on appearances :'( the woman he fell in love with is still there.

    Best Wishes going her way :sad: I feel so bad for her..
     
  3. If he really loved her, it shouldn't matter what size she was or is now. If she feels good about herself and likes the way she looks then thats all that matter. Maybe there are other reasons why he wants to get a divorce and he's probably just trying to use her weight as an excuse..who knows. If your friend wants to get back in shape then ultimately it is her decision and no one can't force her to do what she don't want to do for herself. If saving her marriage is her goal than maybe you can encourage her and exercise with her, even if its for 20 minutes a day. Also the longer you keep pregancy weight on, the harder it is to lose it.You have to be really committed and dedicated to such thing. Hopefully everything will work out for your friend for the child's sake.
     
  4. Maybe she should leave him if he looses his hair.
    The guy sounds like a jerk and I am sure it is just a threat--but it does show what he is made of and values in a relationship---not the person but what they look like. She may also not loose weight just to annoy him, I have seem some power struggles in relationships where one person is on the other person's case to change or do something and the other person now can annoy the person with their behaviour. I would tell your friend to stop crying and get her act together for herself--meaning don't take his crap.
    I really don't know what she should do???? I mean does she tell him "there is the door"....... does she try to diet for him??? Does she diet and take care of herself for her own needs, because she is probably so wrapped up in taking care of the baby and her second baby husband that she probably deserves some major pamering time to put herself first.
    Just be there for her, that is what she needs the most.
     
  5. Agree..if he really loved her..he should love her no matter how fat she gets.

    He's a jerk. I would kick his ass and go eat a cupcake.
     
  6. So let's say that she theoretically slims down. In a couple of years, what else will prompt him to leave her? If she gets a gray hair? A wrinkle or two? I mean, come on, we are all aging and at some point, we have to come to terms with the fact that we aren't ever going to look like we did when we were 21 again. Yes, we could take care of ourselves, but ultimately, the way we look has to take a backseat to our other assets. I'm afraid your friend is married to an ass, and no matter what she does, he will find fault with her. The question is how much is she willing to sacrifice of herself to stay married?
     
  7. I don't know what to say except, what an a$$!!!
     
  8. ^^ITA with The Snorks. This guy sounds like a shallow guy who is trying to hold "power" over your friend by threatening to leave if she doesn't follow his "orders" - it's weight now and will probably be other things later on.

    What's really sad is that he puts her physical attributes above the fact that she is his wife and the mother of his child. :sad:

    If it was my friend, I'd encourage her to stay strong and have a serious conversation with him about his motivation for saying this. Is he worried about any potential health issues related to weight gain (for example), or is it he wants a Barbie doll to show off? His response should help her figure out what she needs to do.

    Good luck to her!!! :flowers:
     
  9. I'd tell her to call his bluff and say "Fine, there's the door. Don't let it hit you in the @ss on the way out." Then I'd see what he does. Sounds like she needs to stand up to him.

    If she does divorce him, there will be VERY few people who will be able to sympathize with his "side" in all of this. Then she can take him for all he's got.
     
  10. that's terrible she gains weight having HIS child and this is how he thank's her . what a nice guy
     
  11. I think leaving her is absolutely over the top - but isn't it also possible that you heard only parts of the story (seeing as this is 3rd hand account) - they might have said many things which led to this??? maybe he used this drastic way of shaking her up (who knows, maybe he got advice somewhere??)

    I don't support in the least how he deals with her but did she know that her appearance is important to him? I mean, since he encouraged her and all,.... I know the way I say it sounds awful now but I honestly wouldn't be too crazy either if my husband gained like 30 to 40 pounds now. I wouldn't leave him (please!) but I would make a fuss at some point. There are also health issues, apart from whether I like it or not. vice versa, I would also prefer my husband to have a go at me, rather than start to look elsewhere - I am not suggesting that he is so shallow but people are people.
     
  12. Tell her to show him the door and tell him not to let the door hit him on his oh so perfect little ass on the way out.
     
  13. What? Is it just because of the weight gain or are there greater issues? Did he just say it out of spite? God that is so awful. I am sorry to hear that, sometimes men can be really abusive with their words...
     
  14. That's really disgusting of him. If he's serious, she might want to consider leaving HIM.
     
  15. This was the topic of some talk show not sure if it was Jerry Springer or what.

    I really feel for your friend. I gained 38 pounds with my frst child and was able to lose all but about 10 pounds. If you're the sole care giver of the child and working it is very, very difficult to find time and energy to lose the weight.

    Have they thought about counseling to get to the bottom of the true problems in their marriage? Does she want to make it work? Perhaps encourage her to talk to someone and if her husband agrees to to enter family counseling.

    BTW, I am in no way condoning her husband's behavior because if my man ever had the stupidity to say that to me I would pack his stuff up and throwm it outta the house and change the locks.