My bf just proposed to me.. and i dont know what to do (Long post)

  1. Ok, long post.. sori.. i have been freaking out since last night.. and i really don't know what to do...would u please help me out??

    My bf just proposed to me last night.. and he did it the old, romantic fashion way,.. when i reached my apartment from work, the whole place was lit up with candles, there were rose petals strewn on the floor leading to my bed room, soft music was playing in the background.. I thought he was making it up for Valentine day since we didnt get to spend V-day together (he has to fly back home as one of his uncles was admitted to a hospital)..Stupid that i was, i quickly ran to my bed room..

    On my dressing table, there was some straberry and dark chocolate that i love and i found a bouqet of roses on my bed and besides it, i found the ring.. the ring was gorgeous and when i turned around, i saw him, grinning from ear to ear and he popped the magic question..

    I was so taken aback by the whole thing, i said "pardon me", he asked me the question again and i said "HEH?!?"

    The whole night became so awkward after that as he was expecting an answer and i was just trying to save the night..when he left he said "i thought we wanted to the same thing"

    Don't get me wrong, i wanna get married to my bf one day.. but the problem is he's 6 years older than i am, he has a stable career, great salary, owned his own house etc.. but i have just graduated 2 years back from college, i have just started carving out my own career.. im not in that place just as yet..

    We have been seeing each other for a year and a half now.. and i have just met his folks a few weeks back during his family bbq.. they were really lovely people...

    I have been avoiding his calls today and didn't exactly reply to his numerous text messages as i didnt want to say or type the wrong thing that would make things worse.. my reaction last night was bad enough as it is.. but i really don't know what to do now?? i know if i keep avoiding him it's just gonna make things worse..
     
  2. If you love him, tell him you'd like a long engagement. Accept the ring and see how things go. If you don't set a date right away, then if you feel the marriage is not right for you, you can break the engagement. Good luck.
     
  3. ITA :yes:
     
  4. You need to explain your feelings to your boyfriend. Let him know what's going on in your head. If you love him and want to marry him, let him know, but tell him you want to start your life first. Many people are engaged for long periods of time now. I think more people should be.
     
  5. I did. He just called and i explained to everything to him.. i think he wants to get married as soon as possible as he thought that's what i want as well.. he said he didn't wanna discuss this over the phone and he's coming over now.. if he brings the ring back again, should i take it?? what if he doesn't wanna wait?? what do i do??
     
  6. I wouldn't accept the ring if he cannot accept the fact that you want to take things slower. Don't let him pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do yet!
     
  7. It sounds like you know you don't want the same things and don't know how to let him down gently. When my FH proposed, my first reaction was YES, YES, YES!! You are hesitant for some reson and that's not a good sign. Talk to him. But don't say yes if your heart isn't in it. If it was, you would've already said yes.
     
  8. He shouldn't pressure you like that. That is a red flag for me. I may be wrong, but what's the rush? If you don't want to get married right now, then don't. It may be that you all aren't ready to that step after all.
     
  9. potuss -- IMO, you shouldn't accept the ring or the proposal unless you have every intention of marrying him. Things tend to snowball...you'll get engaged, family/friends get notified, things start getting tentatively planned...if you're having doubts, then you should defer, for now, IMO.

    If you're not ready to make this commitment, you have to be honest with him...he deserves that much.

    I hope you're okay...it's a tough situation. Go with your heart, and don't do anything you don't want to do just to appease him. If you want to postpone the engagement, just tell him so. Tell him to hold onto that ring, that you need more time. If he loves you, he'll understand and wait for you.
     
  10. Yes, do not let him talk you into something. I think your hesitation to accept the ring is indicative of your true feelings - you're not ready for it now. And only you can decide if you ever will be. If he's ok with a long engagement, and you truly think a long engagement is what you need and you will want to marry him and start planning a wedding in maybe a year or so, then accept the ring. If you honestly do not know if he is *the one* then I wouldn't accept the ring.
     
  11. Thanks for the suggestions thus far..

    He's gonna be here any minute now.. and i think we'll have the talk.. i don't know what's gonna happen.. but i will give u an update as soon as i can :smile:
     
  12. You already know what to do by your actions when he gave you the ring. You are not ready. I think you should have a long talk and let your feelings be out in the open. I don't think you should accept the ring with a promise of I will be ready in a year (or time limit). So much can happen in a year or two. It sounds like you are trying to find yourself and I think you will add more pressure to your life if you have some time frame saying you have to get married by such a such date.

    Now for your boyfriend he can be the one that gives you a "if you won't marry me by such a date--we are breaking up". He has just as much right as not wanting to "waste his time with someone who won't marry him". Please do not take this in any way as a insult. I don't mean that. What I mean is that so many women do tell their boyfriend that if you don't plan on marrying me we are done. So your boyfriend can be one of these guys who is looking to the next stage of his life in wanting to be married, he may not settle for a no.
    I really wish you luck, I hope you are able to talk things out.
    Hugs.
     
  13. Oh wow...

    You should be having ya chat right about now, and I hope you and ya bf manage to sort this out.

    I'm def with the rest of the ladies who think you should be pressured into getting married before you're totally sure about it. I'm sure that if ya bf really understood you, then he would be able to see where you're coming from, and accept that you aren't ready and will be willing to wait until you were.

    G'luck!!
     
  14. Good luck with the talk, I hope everything goes well!!
     
  15. I hope your TALK is going smoothly! Good luck, potusss!