mums!!!!! how do you keep your kids

  1. ...kids?

    my child is still a baby going on toddler, so probably too early to worry. But when I compare myself to my cousins - I was just a child at 12/13 and nowadays it just seems different..... (oh dear, I reached that point where I think the good old times...)

    I really wish I can offer my son the option to be a child as long as possible bec he will have to be grown up for the most part of his life, God willing.

    so, is there anything that can be done??? any experiences out there?? would love to hear your opinions
     
  2. The world is going at a very fast pace these days. My son is doing things now that are way more advanced than I was at that age (video gaming, using the computer, reading encyclopedias, having intelligent conversations with adults)

    My kids are still innocent but only because I have been fairly protective of them. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, because I've been told by teachers my son still seems "young" in his class of mostly "street smart" classmates.

    I have had to ask ds about what happens when he's at school or at a friend's house. My child loves to talk with me but he keeps some things quiet. I've discovered things like he's the target of bullying or being mistreated but I've learned not to fight every fight for him (it's the mother dragon in me).

    I allow him that room to have that experience but it's important for me to have my kids keep the dialogue between us open. I'm accessible so he knows I'm around for advice and chat any time any hour. I think if children are made to feel they can confide to their moms/dads, then they feel safer and remain "kids" longer....
     
  3. oooh its an age old question. If you have values that you hold true to yourself, I do believe that your children will turn out to hold similar ideals.

    But, obviously school plays a large part too, you can protect your children at home to a huge extent, but they are always going to learn things from other children.

    While both mine were at junior school, I feel its good to mix with all different types of children, its great for all of them and I dont think children emulate other children quite so much at this age, and are just accepting, and all play together, at being kids!!

    But, when our eldest (11) went to Senior school at the end of last year, we made the decision together that she would go to a same sex school. In my opinion, boys and girls at senior school are so very very different, they need to learn and grow in very different ways, this was definitately pitched to us at every school that we visited. I believe it firmly keeps the innocence there for a good while longer and keeps kids focused more on the joy of being children, rather than fixating on boys/girls. Its just my opinion of course, but I truly think it helps.

    Just as an example, our daughter goes off to school and I really do have to still remind her to brush her hair before leaving the house! compare this to one of her best friends, who is in a large mixed comprehensive school. She is getting up at 6am at 11 years of age, to wash her hair, apply foundation, eyeliner and mascara :wtf: every single day, as that is what everybody else is doing and she wants to fit in. Thats not really on at 11 is it!

    sorry for rambling!
     
  4. Very little exposure to television! He does use the computer and also watches DVDs. I am protective of my kid also. I don't let him hang out with the older kids who run wild in the streets for lack of anything to do after school.

    With regard to bullying, I think he is capable of standing up for himself - at least now. I once saw a bunch of older kids taunting one of my son's classmates who had a hearing defect and because of that reason couldn't speak clearly. My son did a good job of standing up to the kids who were bullying his friend and driving them away, and I was proud of him.
     
  5. I went to a same-sex school and I agree totally with your statements.

    This is so true for girls in our middle school district as well. Thank goodness mine is a boy! I would have had big trouble if it was a girl. At least boys have always dressed in jeans and tees for the past 30 years!
     
  6. ^ thanks so far. very insightful - i tend to agree with the same sex school thing!!! and the TV idea, best to reduce exposure as much as possible.

    as for bullying, it is always something I worry about, but I do think there has to be a way to deal with bullying without letting them turn 'street smart'... actually I find it a pity that a teacher would consider the child in teh child an issue...

    chloe-babe - yes I am sure it is an old question but oh so difficult to answer. it sounds like you managed which is great! this is exactly what I am talking about - i was in the a mixed sex school (very few same sex ones here in Germany - if any!) and I was still playing with my dolls at 12 but at some point you just had to fit in. a pity really.
     

  7. I've seen children verbally abused, it is very sad but they know only that kind of existence and have learned not to show any emotion on their faces for fear they will incur their parents' wrath. It is a hard life for kids so young, and some in turn become bullies to other children. Teachers have seen the gamut and probably a bit numb from it all... from abused and emotionally deprived (suicidal tendencies in the classroom) to priviledged, bullying or disrespecting kids. So when I'm told about my son acting "very young", I take it from whence it comes. It's probably just an observation instead of a criticism from a very weary teacher!
     
  8. Sorry, I go to an all girls grammar school and I completely disagree! At my school, the 12 year olds in year 7 are applying makeup etc and wearing fake tan. It gets worse in year 9, half of them wear so much black make up you can hardly see their faces. I think it gets better though by about year 11 as everyone grows up but I still have people in my year that try to make themselves 'older' and more appealing to the other sex. I also think the girls are more aware that they are not around male company so therefore they try to make themselves look older so that when they are out and about they get the attention. I think from experience that going to an all girls is actually bad for girls as they dont know how to relate to boys the same applies for same sex boys schools. Many people in my year do not act their age and themselves because of this.
     
  9. as long as you instill your kids with values and morals i dont think you should worry about them growing up to fast. let them be who they want to be and as long as they have respect for others and themselves you shouldnt worry.
    i went to a mixed comprehensive school and then a same sex convent school to do my Alevels and i think the same sex school was hell. it was for to competative and petty when looks and things were concerned.and the school had a bad rep for the girls being "overly friendly" with the nearby boys school. drugs and alcohol abuse were also rife.
     
  10. ^^^ ITA. It's about teaching and guiding without controlling. Clear and consistent rules, with consequences when the rules are broken.

    About the same sex schools, I am sure it works for some...but from what I saw with my cousins it didn't. I remember my aunts/uncles being appalled that my parents were letting me go to public school. My cousins went to an all girls, private school. While I was a fairly good kid during high school, they just got wilder and wilder. It was very competative about boys. Since it was hard to find a boyfriend, the girls wore more make up and acted more wild, ie parties (drugs and drinks) when ever possible.
     
  11. i only have a baby myself, but i taught high school for many years and there is a *distinct* difference in the children who are still *children*, and those who are *experienced*. the children who are still 'children' have VERY involved parents. These kids talk about their family dinners, what they did with their family, bedtimes, curfews, rules that are followed- direct parent involvement, consequences for actions, lots of attention. these kids are HAPPY, too- very! they do pretty well in school, and overall seem quite content. truthfully, it's almost formulaic. the kids who are partying, having sex at young ages (12, 13) have parents who aren't as involved, let the kids go where they want, when they want, etc. very few parameters for these kids.
     
  12. ^ thank you for your input!

    sounds like my childhood - so there you go. just gotta protect my children from the sort of rather unnecessary influences I came across.. (haha, easier said than done...) I reckon some street -smartness is important
     
  13. This was one of my mother's concerns, and one of the reasons why she decided to homeschool us. This, of course, isn't for everybody.

    We also weren't allowed to watch TV or listen to the radio, except the latter for news.
     
  14. Wow 12-13 yr. olds having sex, that's insane!!!! But I totally agree it all starts at home!
     
  15. ^ there was actually an std outbreak at the middle school- and, just so you know the neighborhood, the town is very affluent- VERY.