Moms - SAHM and Working

  1. At the risk of opening up a whooole big nasty can-o-worms...

    This weekend my SIL (mom of a 9-month-old in daycare) suggested to me that I am not "ambitious" or the "corporate-type" because I have stayed at home to raise my kids. I've been at home since my eldest, now 9, was born. I have 2 more, the youngest is 1. The decision for me to stay home was an easy one for DH and me - I wanted to - and he makes 10x more $$ than I ever could.

    I wasn't offended by her comment, mostly because of the source. This is actually one of the least offensive things to come out of her mouth... But it got me to thinking nonetheless.

    Are SAHMs unambitious? Not the "corporate" types? What kind of impact does the decision to stay home (or not) make on our children. Should our daughters see their moms as women who work in the workforce or in the home? Thoughts? :shrugs:
     
  2. I would like to have my child/ren see me as contented with whatever I do, whether it be as a member of the workforce or a SAHM. I am the daughter of a SAHM who was a very intelligent woman, and who regretted her choice of not working.

    I am a working mother. I wouldn't call myself exceedingly ambitious, but I like to make use of whatever education I have and staying at home with no-one but young children and a husband who comes home from work in the evenings would be very stressful. I'm used to competing with men in a very male dominated field, and becoming less competitive intellectually would be difficult. For me it is never the earning potential, but the question of using one's brain vs not using it for techinical/mathematical stuff.
     
  3. I think she was very rude to tell u that..staying at home to raise your children is very admirable and none of her business!
     
  4. My mom was primarily a SAHM, not the corporate type at all. But, I turned out to be the corporate type. I think that as long as we provide a loving environment for our daughters and encourage them to be whatever it is that they want to be, we will have done a good job.
     
  5. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest and toughest job. You sacrifice your career to look after your family. You don't deserve that kind of treatment from her. If she feels she needs to go out in the corporate world to thrive, then that's her choice. She need not put SAHMs down.
     
  6. I agree. I think that is what is most important.

    I don't think that SAHM's are unambitious though. I think that is a rude comment to make.
     
  7. I don't have children but I am in awe of SAHMs and admire them tremendously. Your work doesn't have a cut-off time like it does for us 9 to 5ers. I think children definitely benefit when a parent is at home to meet them, guide them, help them with homework and be there for them during truly formative times in their lives when they can easily be steered in the wrong direction. Your SIL is probably envious of you.
     
  8. She's just jealous that you can stay home. I know women who work very demanding and ambitious jobs and they all wish they could stay home with their kids if they were financially capable. I have never heard of a SAHM wishing they can go back to work.
     
  9. By the way, I am the corporate type working a very corporate demanding job...and your job is harder than mine.
     
  10. My 9 year old son and I were talking about his sister's achievements. He asked me if she'll be working after she gets married and has kids. I replied "probably". To that he replied "I'm glad you're NOBODY:shame: :confused1: :sweatdrop: , mom. So you can stay home and take care of me." I wasn't sure whether I should be sad or happy.
     
  11. And she was rude!
     
  12. As a SAHM, I am VERY ambitious. I coach my kids little league team, help out in the classroom, go on field trips, take the kids to school, pick them up, clean, teach them morals, etc. the last can go on................
    I also have a smalll business that does not interfere with any of the above. So yup! I am very ambitious and GRATEFUL that I FOUGHT to stay home with my kids. I am just blessed because I have it so good!
    SO I would say she is a very jealous person because you are a lucky girl!!!!
    monica
     
  13. I was on the fast track before I got pregnant, I was convinced that I would return to work quickly after my baby...well that didn't happen..I fell so in love with my daughter that I wanted to be with her as much as possible.

    I was lucky enough to have my job let me work from home...but I will tell you...being a full time mommy is the most ambitious thing anyone can do. What could be more ambitious than wanting to take care of another person 24/7...without a break?

    I honestly miss my half hour commute where I could have "me" time.

    We all, as women and mothers have to make the decision that is right for us. Personally..I did not have the energy or hutzpah to drop the baby off at daycare at 7am...drive ...work a 8 hour day...drive...pick the baby up by 6:30. I admire the women who can make that work for them, but it was not for me.

    Our daughters should see us as happy...I was raised by a corporate single Mom and left to be taken care of by an abusive grandparent...no one in my house growing up was "happy". If you are happy then you are a perfect role model for your children.

    And although I don't know your family, I think your DH should speak to his sisiter about how disrespectful she is to his family...once my DH did that, my obnoxious SIL kept her trap shut...
     
  14. can't agree more:yes:
     
  15. I think the main concern would be: " Which type of mom would raise a better child AND be satisfied with her life in the end?"

    I have the most ambitious mother....
    She was a SAHM for me and my brother until we started grade school. She ended up starting her own business.

    I must admit that I was upset many times that our housekeeper & nanny did the momly duties, I always had to get rides from friend's mothers.. etc.

    So I was thrilled when her business failed after 5 years thinking she would forever be a SAHM.... but she never did.
    She was always busy, investing in real estate, planning events, etc... even till this day.

    She also imposed her ambitions or her failed dream as a career woman on ME...
    I must admit I was rebelious of it all during my teenage years...

    Now looking back, as a married grown woman, I am so thankful that my mom was ambitious and that she lived her life to the fullest. I admire her vitality and her neverending wit!!!

    She still tells me that being a SAHM and being a Career woman is equally strenuous and both times there were moments when she just wanted to hang herself, both experiences added equal amounts of wrinkles around her eyes... but were equally rewarding... because both experiences made ME realize what kind of life I want to live..