MOMS of 1st graders?

M

monicamacatubal

O.G.
Jun 30, 2006
567
0
#1
Or any age? I would just appreciate any advice.
My girl is 6 years old and LOVES school except for recess and lunch? Why? Because nobody want to play with her. This evening while I was getting her ready for school she finally started crying and said that nobody wants to play with her and all she does at recess is sit on the ground and do nothing.
NOw, I know my girl and she is a little bosy and straight forward. Just from watching her play with the neighborhood girls, I could tell that she wants to play her way. In kindergarten she had no problems playing with her friends.
I am just hurt for her, as parents I know we all hate the thought of our child sad by being the outcast. Do you guys have any ideas? Are there any books on this problem? What should I do? My husband wants me to go there everyday so I could be there!! But I now that would not help her in the long run. I do plan on going just to check up on a few times a week. She was so excited that we took her lunch. I am just so sad that she is feeling like this!!
Thank you ALL!
Monica
 
#2
I'm not a mom-- but, I am a soon-to-be teacher. My recommendation is this: meet some of the other moms, and invite them and their sons/daughters over for a playdate. By getting the children to mingle together outside of school.... it will help them have fun together INSIDE of school. Also, talk to the teacher about it. Let her know how your daughter is feeling. Keep us posted!
 
#3
I have a first grader myself. My son doesn't have many friends either. I agree with what PrettyinPink said. It helped my son to ask the teacher a ton of questions. I asked who he seemed to like best in the class and got parents phone numbers. I made sure he hung out with the kids outside of class. It helped A TON! I think you are right by not going to the school everyday during those times. Then she will cling to you more and more and it will make the situation worse in the long run IMO. Just my thoughts tho- GOOD LUCK!
 
#4
I would have honestly NEVER thought of that! I am actually crying right now because I am so grateful that you took the time to respond! I appreciate both of your input and advise THANK YOU! I am felling just so sad for her little self.
Thank you so much.
Monica
 
#5
monicamacatubal said:
I would have honestly NEVER thought of that! I am actually crying right now because I am so grateful that you took the time to respond! I appreciate both of your input and advise THANK YOU! I am felling just so sad for her little self.
Thank you so much.
Monica
Click to expand...

Yeah, I feel you. It is awful when our children are sad. When we have kids we have to wear our hearts outside of our bodies! The worst part is that we can't be there for them forever! :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: Good Luck with everything. I am sure it will be great! :yes:
 
#6
My 16 year old was new to a school in first grade..way back when....LOL...SO I actually had a halloween party and invited the entire class to it.I got to know all the parents and my daughter made a ton of new friends.I have to say my older daughter doesnt make friends as easily as my younger one..So thats where parenting steps in to help sometimes!Always get a class list and get to know the class like I did..It helped a ton..and I made friends that Im still very close with as well.Also make the teacher aware so she can help guide her in the classroom.....
 
#7
as a first grade mom and former school counselor i just wanted to let you know i completely agree with all this excellent advice! definitely talk to the teacher so he/she knows what's going on and can provide support in the classroom and also steer you toward specific kids (and find out if there is an elementary counselor at your school who can also help) and then work on those playdates! and i know how hard it is for both of you but try to keep positive in front of her and try not to worry. she's so lucky she has you!

eta...sorry i haven't had my coffee yet and i meant to write this before...there are good "making friends" books for younger children, unfortunately i can't remember any titles or authors at the moment (i worked with middle school students) but the teacher or librarian may have some ideas and i'll try to go through my grad school material later and if i can find any specific recommendations i'll let you know!
 
#8
Monica,
Does your teacher ever ask for parent volunteers or room parents? If so, jump all over that. It will give you a chance to meet other parents, and give you a better feel for the dynamic in the classroom. Two of my kids have experienced this problem to one degree or another. I wonder if there is a specific girl or group of girls that your daughter would like to be friends with? If so, maybe coach her on how to strike up a conversation with them? Is there an activity/hobby that she could get involved in that would give her a chance to meet some like-minded friends? Also, the idea of throwing a party is fantastic. Maybe for Halloween or if her birthday is coming up?

It is horrible when you kids are hurting, and I can certainly empathize with what you are going through. You have to be glad that your daughter told you what was going on, though. Keep those lines of communication open so that she knows that she can talk with you about anything! I'm sure it made her feel better just being able to come to you!
Take care,
Tami
 
#9
and one more...try role playing with her... and now i'm off to take the kids to school and get myself some much needed starbucks!!!

eta...oops, just saw tlns post
 
#10
I agree and I want to take some of the pressure off YOUR needing to run around and make friends with all the other moms and spend your days hanging out at recess!....you don't have to go overboard there. DO NOT show up at the school to keep your daughter company. lol. It's such a sweet thought but in the end it will only prolong the time it takes your daughter to feel comfortable in her new surroundings.

I think the advice is good but, in the end, your daughter will have to learn to make friends and keep friends on her own.

I have a 1st grader and a Kindergarten-er and my younger son makes friends easily and freely. My older son is shy and has a slight nervous tick, which gets worse when he's under stress - like starting a new year at school.

Luckily there are two outgoing 1st grade boys who live within a block who we've established 'family' relationships with and who are now in playdates regularly. More fortunately one of those boys is big and clever (without being confrontational) and in boy-land he's alpha. He's an influencer and attracts a crowd. So the fact that my son is in his group is a very good thing.

Now dh and I both work full time (outside of our town in demanding professional jobs) and have limited time to deal with all the various stay at home mom school activities. It turned out not to matter for us. I didn't need to leave work and hang out in the hallways and break rooms of his school in order to make a difference, although it was suggested to us and seemed ridiculous.

Relax! Just find two or three families, you don't need to make contact with every single one. You don't need to hold yourself responsible for tracking down your daughter's future best friend. Sometime in the next few months your daughter will make up her own mind who she wants to play with and it may or may not be the mom you click with most.

Good luck and relax! She'll be fine. School just started, don't expect too much just yet. There's plenty of time!
 
#11
Oh, I will add, listen carefully to her talk about other girls. If she mentions the same name twice - that's her friend! Get her full name and check the class list. Call up and get those playdates going. Visiting one another's home is, of course, really important in establishing friendships and these days kids just don't ride their bikes around running into each other (like I did when I was a kid). Now it has to be you taking that initiative.

I don't want my last post to read as though you shouldn't do anything. Just that you shouldn't take it ALL on and get stressed about it. You don't need to sort thru the whole class person by person and pick a good friend. There ARE moms (of daughters, especially) who do that in my sons class and I don't think it's healthy. If there are socioeconomic issues (that I think drive the moms I just mentioned), they will likely come out over time with your daughter anyway.

I swear having your kids start school is just as stressful on the parents!
 
#12
My daughter is in the 2nd grade and we've had this same problem last year. My daughter is very outgoing and makes friends easily, but girls are very "clicky" even in the younger grades. I role played w/ my daughter, this also taught her to be independent and ask to join in when a group of her friends is playing.

Even little girls go through phases of being best friends, then not friends, etc. with some of the other girls in the class. Since last year my daughter has her "core" friends we have playdates w/ outside of school, and she sticks w/ them at lunch/recess time.

I volunteer in the classroom every week since she was in kindergarten, and it really helps in getting to know which kids you want your kids to play with. Your daughter will adjust and be fine!!! It's hard sometimes as a parent because we want to help and fix everything, but it's great to teach our kids to be independent problem solvers.
 
#13
okay i'm back with caffeine and without children...as tln and shelley mentioned role playing is really helpful...you can practice both approaching new friends and brainstorm about reacting to different situations...i did this all the time with my students and now with my own kids and definitely recommend giving it a try!
 
#14
thank you ladies SO very much. You know how husbands are! He got all pyscho and wants us to go hang out there every day! He is such a dork.
I was thinking of role playing- actually I plan on implementing all the advice you all suggested. I am planning a Halloween party as I write- AWESOME ideas!
Feeling ALOT better about her and alot more at ease. Thank you! I am VERY grateful for everyones advice.
Monica
 
#15
Monica, I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. I had many friends in school but not a lot of friends on my block. I remember the feeling and it hurts a lot. I was going to say speak to her teacher but everyone pretty much covered everything you should do.

I have another question for parents of 1st graders.

My son is in the 1st grade & I can't get him to talk about school at all. Are there certain ways to ask questions so it doesn't seem like I'm asking him about school directly? Help! I would really like him to tell me what's going on in school.
 
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