Memo to All Employees... hehe

  1. TO: All Employees
    RE: Swearing at work

    It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
    throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
    normal conversation with their co-workers.

    Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
    this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize
    the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
    when communicating with co-workers.

    Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been
    provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an
    effective manner.

    1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

    2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

    3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEA D OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

    4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

    5) TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

    6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

    7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

    8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

    9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

    10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

    11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

    12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

    13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.


    14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

    15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

    16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

    17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

    18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
     
  2. LMFAO!!!!

    Too too funny :smile:
     
  3. :roflmfao: Now printed off and on the wall behind me, also emailed to everyone I know!
     
  4. ^^same here, just emailed it out! Love it!!!!! LMAO!
     
  5. :roflmfao::roflmfao::roflmfao:
     
  6. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! All my coworkers are getting this!
     
  7. :roflmfao:
     
  8. Oh yeah..I've seen that before..its always funny to re-read it though :graucho:
     
  9. funny
     
  10. Love it! LOL
     
  11. thank you I needed a good laugh :roflmfao:
     
  12. Lol
     
  13. Hilarious!
     
  14. ROFL! I have one to add, a personal favorite that I really use almost every day:

    Instead of "what the **** are you talking about"
    Try saying "What other information is available about that?"
     
  15. That's hilarious!!! Thx for posting!!!