LYING ...and Forgiveness?

I didn't read everyone's responses yet. . . so sorry if mine seems silly now:shrugs:
I am ALL ABOUT honesty and trust and I admit I have a hard time forgetting if my trust is compromised.

I don't think I can give an answer that applies to everything.
I judge individually.
For me it depends on what the lie was about and who it was that lied.

It's very important to me that the person totally earns it back. . . and we all know that's very difficult.
 
^^^awww, ITA tinks post is awesome, and a shout out to shimma too. That's why I love it here so much.

I'm so sorry a friend of 10 years betrayed you this way, Jill. I wish you all the best with what's next and it sounds like you made a good decision to keep some distance for now.
 
Just had to add. I had a friend who I was extremely close to for over 15 years do something like this (major lie followed by telling other lies about me and so on) and I just could not let go. It was too hurtful to continue the relationship, even more painful than just ending it so I told her I could not be friends because of what she did. I know I made the right decision too because of how she handled that and still handles it. Not sure what made her do it but although I have forgiven her in the last year I can not or wont forget and just do not want a friend like that. I also like blunt honesty better than a lie to save my feelings.
 
Honestly Jill this seems like a scenario that I was in a few years back with fiancee's sister...

I basically chose to move on...now I am polite and cordial to her but am no longer 'buddies' with her.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk...I know what a cruddy situation it is to be in :sad:
 
I think rebuilding trust takes time if they ill will can ever be repaired. imho i don't think you ever forget once you have been betrayed by that person and you take it into acccount with each encounter you have with that person.
 
aw, sorry Jill that this happened to you! *hugZ* I know that this may mean that you're losing a friend, so it's probably really tough for you right now. Just know we are all here for you!

I think you should really talk to her about it and find out why she felt the need to lie to you... as tink said, there could be many gray areas involved as to why she lied. I've actually lied to my best friend before, for reasons that I thought were beneficial to her, and then she shunned me(She told me to never tell her if her ex got a new girlfriend, which is why I lied to her when he finally did get a new gf). I was very hurt by her reaction, and felt that she should have made the time to understand why I lied to her before throwing away our friendship. I tried to explain but she would never listen. We haven't talked since, and it hurts to lose a friend.

I hope it works out between the two of you as good friends are hard to come by, and I agree with everyone, forgive if you can, and if you can't forget, it's ok.
 
you know, if you look at it from another perspective, why would a "close" friend lie to you? usually we "white-lie" to ease gracefully out of situations, usually with people we're not very close to. we definitely lie to people we don't want to confide in, or who we want to present a false face to, for whatever reason.

just my 2 cents, but i kinda feel like the liar in a relationship is the one who broke the connection first, because by lying to you, they're basically saying they don't want to be that intimate/close with you, and they won't let you know who they really are. so they've proven that the relationship is not as "close" as you were led to believe - in which case, you haven't lost a connection, you only revealed that the connection wasn't there.

forgiving someone is definitely not the same thing as letting that person abuse you, your friendship and your trust. forgiving someone would mean to continue the friendship, but not trust them until they've proven their trustworthiness - it's not right to "let it go" completely.

sorry if this was a bit jumbled :smile:.
 
Hey Jill, that's really rough that it's close friend and it was a huge deceitful lie....

i think it's a good idea to distance and cool down .... and see how you feel....

has she tried to contact u to say she's really sorry etc etc?

i don't know the full details but at the best i'd continue to communicate with her but put some distance in between ...

this incident perhaps gives you a peep into a side of her you'd never known or seen before... and it's good to know who ppl really are and prevent them from causing greater hurt and harm....

so sorry you're going through this and teenage hormones... it's alot to handle!!! hang in there. we're all here for you and we love you lots :heart:



THANKS for all yer advice guys.....

I am also one of those people that would rather be told a harsh truth than a lie.Im always upfront and honest ..NO MATTER WHAT.I dont tippytoe around people..as Im sure u guys can tell from my posts..LMAO!
Im distancing myself from this person to cool down...not sure if I can forgive..It was a huge lie..not a little one....and deceitful as well.Just trying to figure out if I can let it go......
 
Depending on how much I want or need to maintain the relationship in some form, I may forgive a liar, but I can't forget and the relationship is forever changed.

I'm one of those disgustingly honest people who assumes others are honest too. Sadly, I've learned so often that people lie even when there's absolutely no reason to.
 
I'm with you, Jill. I may be able to forgive, but I'll never forget. If I may ask, how long have you known this person and is there a history of lying?
that's how i am, too. i can forgive, but i'll NEVER forget. it also depends on what the lie was about, or to what extent it was carried through to. if it's some major cover up, like your boyfriend cheating, getting caught, then saying he was being raped (i know, i know, kinda dorky, but that's what i'm talking about in terms of how far the lie was taken), umm... that cannot be forgiven, nor forgotten. if it was a white lie, that could be forgiven, as long as it's not a normal thing for them to do.