Long distance relationships... how do you deal?

  1. For those of you in long distance relationships or who ever have been...

    I've been in a long distance relationship for basically six years(officially two years) and we've had a lot of ups and downs. I think right now is one of those down times, it really seems like things are difficult--we're both having our own problems and there's lots of fighting, disagreement, lack of trust, irritability, etc. I think it makes it a lot harder only being able to be there for each other on the phone when we're both in need of some support. I'm trying to stay positive in knowing we'll get through it, we always do, but I was wondering... What are some things you do to stay positive and show your SO how much you care when you're far away?

    It's so much harder to show someone how special they are to you and how important the relationship is when they're 2300 miles away. It really just isn't the same as having that daily or almost-daily interaction. I send him little packages and letters every couple of weeks, I'm sending him one in a few days with a few Halloween treats. But yeah, enough about me... what do you do?
  2. I'm in California, and my SO is in Singapore. We have been doing the long distance for about 2 years and 4 months already. We see each other every 4 months for a few days to 2 weeks each time. We communicate mainly through chatting on skype or talking on the phone for 20 minutes when I drive to work (a few times a week).

    I don't know how we deal with it. I would like to say that it gets easier with time but it does not. Actually lately I've found that it has gotten harder with time, though I think that really has more to do with stress and crap that is happening in real life. I find that what generally helps dealing with the long distance is by keeping myself busy. If I don't do the "count down", time passes quicker.

    I'm not sure how we show each other that we care ... It's like I just know. We used to talk everyday, but that didnt' work very well because it became an obligation. I mean, I talk to him when things get rough (as it has been lately) and he talks to me when things get crappy over there. By having an open channel of communications where both parties are willing to tell each other any problem one is dealing with on his/her end, it is a way of caring and keeping in touch.

    I guess I'm not much help. My SO and I are a bit different from most people. We have this unspoken understanding about things - we've always pretty much know what the other is thinking or is going to say even when we first met. So maybe that's why we deal with the long-distance differently.

    Good luck and hang in there. Think of it this way, with every passing day it's one day LESS of long-distance that you have to do.:flowers:
  3. We just hit 6 years last week. It's hard but if I'm with him this long already, I'd figure out by now if this is it or not and to me (and him), this is it. There's a ablance in our relationship. He does some things while I do other stuff (like when he comes over, he cooks and does laundry but when I go to his house, I do the laundry and stuff). We both have our share of traveling to see the other. We talk a lot on our cell everyday. When he leaves cause his visit is up, he'd drop me off at work so I'm preoccupied with it instead of leaving me at my place thinking about him and feeling sad, wishing he wouldn't go.

    Many times I feel like I couldn't take it anymore but I'm still here. It's different for everybody but I definitely think that keeping myself busy helps a lot.
  4. That's such a great way to look at it! Thanks :smile:
  5. Congrats on hitting six years! I try to keep myself busy too. It definitely is a good idea to have him drop you off at work when he's leaving. The time before last that my boyfriend visited I took him to the airport alone and was so shaken up that I got lost on the way home and ended up just parking somewhere and crying. It really feels like it gets harder with each visit. :\
  6. Wow, I only did it for one year and felt like it was the hardest year of my life, so for those of you who have done it for longer... that is pretty incredible!

    To keep our relationship together... I'd send little packages, cute cards, communication is key, so phone calls that lasted more than 5 minutes... drove my bf nuts, he hates talking on the phone, but it was important, emails... I think his favorite thing I did for him was a surprise visit, totally had him fooled! Visit as much as your budget allows. I regret not visiting as much, I always thought I didn't have the money to go, but really, there were things I probably could've done to make it more possible and more often... in the long run I wish I had invested the $ then in the relationship because when he moved for me there was a lot of time spent fixing things.

    Some times are harder than others, hopefully this hard spot will pass quickly for you guys! Good luck!
  7. I did the long distance thing for about six months... it was definitely tough, and I admire anyone who can stick it out longer than that.

    Ditto everything Blue recommended... packages are especially great... maybe send him a framed photograph of yourself to keep on his desk or by his bed. I also agree with the visiting thing... I should have visited more often, too.
  8. My bf and I did long distance for 3 years while I was away for school...the first two years were pretty rough while we sorted out our insecurities, dependency issues, etc....we talked on the phone EVERY DAY...I think that is a very important component of a long distance relationship, bc that's about as good as it gets. We'd also chat online, send texts, etc...We also made it a PRIORITY to see eachother at least every 2 weeks-1 month...Needless to say, our credit card bills are astronomical, but our strong relationship today is worth every penny :heart:
    We made it though the three years and then he finally moved to be with me. We went from living hundreds of miles apart to living together. Everyone thought it would be a huge adjustment, but we did just fine :flowers: I think true love really does conquer all, and as long as you both are in it to win it, you can do it!!
    Good luck! :smile:
  9. We have a great thread or two about this topic with lots of info.. let me search for it and see if I can find it..
  10. I'll post the quick version as I've posted it here on other threads. Make time to be in contact if not every day but like every other day. Doesn't even have to be on the phone, but that is nice to have as well.

    Also when you do get to see eachother. You can't just start from where you left off. You have to kind of see who that person has become, grown and changed while you were apart. ie some men mature when they have to be independent and if you are not receptive to that you will not recognize it.

    Sorry I'm wiped but I am proof you can get through it.
  11. Thanks for all the responses :smile: