Living together before marriage?

  1. What do you guys think of living together before marriage? I know a lot of people do it now, but I'm not so sure it's always a good thing. My ex-bf (who had a live-in gf for 5 yrs) and my current husband (who had a live-in gf for 3 yrs) both said that their failing relationships were prolonged because they lived together. They said even though they'd have arguments and such that would usually force one person out on the couch, it was just too difficult to think about packing up and shipping it out to call it quits. Eventually both did, but they both agreed that the relationships would have ended much sooner had they not lived together.

    I can definitely see the benefits of living together - convenience, cheaper living, getting to know how you get along by seeing how they live each day. But I also see the cons - prolonged failed relationships, no rush to marriage (the whole "why buy the cow?" story), higher chance of divorce even after marriage (according to Center for Disease Control study).

    Now this question doesn't apply to those who don't intend on ever getting married, but for those who are married or want to get married - did you live with your partner before you got married? If so, you think it helped your marriage? Also, those who lived with someone and then broke up - was it more difficult to do so? Would you do it again?

    I'm asking because a girlfriend of mine is thinking of moving in and she's unsure if it's a good idea. I am the anomaly because I not only didn't live with my husband prior to marriage but I didn't even move in with him until almost a year AFTER we got married! (We lived long distance and got married after two years and I didn't get transferred closer to him until a year after that.) So I wanted to get other girls' opinions. :smile: She's fairly traditional in a lot of respects but this is the first "non-traditional" decision she's had to make...
     
  2. No I didn't live with my ex husband before we got married nor would I like my children to do it.
    I can sure see the pros for this & if I had lived with my ex husband first I would never have married him but then I wouldn't have my beautiful kids so everything is meant to be I think!
     
  3. I lived with my now husband for seven years before we got married. I'm so glad we did. I certainly knew him when we married.
    My only stipulation was that I wanted to be married before we had children. We've now been married for 16 years and have 2 boys. It's a personal choice and I would never judge anyone - everyone to their own.
     
  4. ^Doh! How'd I miss that thread? (Prolly because I wasn't thinking of it back then!) Thanks!!
     
  5. To be honest is she has doubts then now is not the right time.
     
  6. I agree that if she has doubts, she shouldn't do it. My husband and I bought our house together a year before we got married, but I had no doubts.
     
  7. I think you should be married first. But I did things a$$ first so...
     
  8. I think living together is good. Who knows if the relationships would have ended in dovorece even if the people were married?

    It's a good time to get to know a person in an evironment day in and day out before putting other things on the line like savings and earned income. It is certianly easier to walk out of a bad relationship financially intact if you were living together and not married, so I think it is better to test the waters first!
     
  9. I am 100% positive that my boyfriend and I will get married, but he has asked me twice to move in and I won't do it. My family is really against living together before marriage and I wouldn't want to hurt them. Plus, I think that it will be nice to finally move in together after we get married - so exciting!
     
  10. i briefly lived with a bf for a few months... i don't know if that really counts because it was a spontaneous type of thing, and he was looking for a place of his own. it was supposed to be temporary but he ended up staying till the end of my lease. we're not together anymore, but it wasn't because we lived together-- i ended up moving out of state, and it was long distance for awhile... and that was what broke us up, really.

    i am not opposed to it... i can see where your concerns are coming from. but for me, i think i would do it again in the future. i'm not in a serious relationship at the moment, though...
     
  11. DH and I dated for 7 years and did not live together before getting married. I didn't think it was a good idea to live together without being married, but now I can see the benefits in living together first.

    If its right for a couple, completely depends on the individuals involved and their intentions. I know plenty of couples that lived together for a couple years and went on to get married (and so far are still happily married). Then I know some girls that have lived with their BFs for years and are getting pissed "waiting for the ring".

    Like others said, if you friend has doubts she probably shouldn't do it.
     
  12. Well, why does she not think it's a good idea? Is it due to her traditional ideals or cause she's unsure about how strong her relationship is?
     
  13. gosh, I think it should be compulsary ;) lol

    its impossible to really find out about somebody until you have tried living with them, and I would not want to risk having to get married and then finding out it was an awful mistake :smile:
     
  14. ITA ! i would never marry a man i havent tested in extreme situation , which living with me definitely is ! :graucho: