let's lighten the mood...

  1. I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog... (DUHHHH)

    I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time.

    BUT, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it.

    I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. ( I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.)

    Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said, Oh NO!, I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass when a car hit me. I thought the tall guy in back of the line was going to have to be carried out the door.


    (haha, no, I didn't really do this, just a joke I'm passing on)
     
  2. :wtf:










    :roflmfao:

    YOU had me goin! I was like WOW you have some female BALLS! hahaha...
     
  3. :roflmfao:
     
  4. Holy crap, I 'bout wet myself.:roflmfao:
     
  5. I am ROFLMAO right now :roflmfao::roflmfao::roflmfao: I love it!
     
  6. Hahah :roflmfao:
     
  7. ha! I wish it was me that had thought of this!
     
  8. lol -- thanks, a laugh is just what i needed!
     
  9. So funny!! Thank you so much for the laugh!:roflmfao::roflmfao:
     
  10. :roflmfao::roflmfao::roflmfao: that is HILARIOUS!

    See, Im the type of person who would actually tell someone this story, so when I was reading I was thinking to myself "Wow, that sounds like something I would do!" lmao! :roflmfao:
     
  11. LMAO!!! You are too funny!

    Alittle OT, but the other night my SO and I were at Red Lobster. The server was being REALLY pushy about ordering something from the bar, even though we had alread told her 'No thanks' a few times.

    Finally, I looked at her and softly said, "No thanks, ma'am, we are both in recovery".

    She freaked out--"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

    LOL then I felt bad because I thought she was going to have a heart attack or something, so I told her the truth...I still feel kinda bad about making her get so freaked out!
     
  12. :roflmfao::roflmfao:
     
  13. Haha
     
  14. LMAO! :roflmfao: Oh God I really want to pull that joke! That is going down in my books as a classic!
     
  15. haha gotta try this joke on someone! :tup: