Jealous of my friend's pregnancy....confusing!

  1. I'm feeling guilty about this really strange feeling I'm having.

    I just found out today that one of my very good friends is almost 7 weeks pregnant. She has an irregular period and really didn't think anything of it, but decided to go to the doctor because she was getting some spotting that she had never experienced before.

    She called me on Friday to let me know, and ever since then, I've been feeling really....jealous. And this is strange, because I've been on the fence about whether or not to have kids for a little while. Some days I think I don't, but most days I think I do....and then I freak out when I think about childbirth and talk myself out of the idea.:s

    But now that I know she is, I feel jealous. I don't want to feel that way, because I'm really happy for her. I am, but I am also very jealous. And I feel bad, because it's not good to feel like that about your friend.

    Has anyone else experienced this feeling?
     
  2. I can't relate. When I hear that people I know are about to have a child, I just feel pity for them. Never jealousy.
     
  3. I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way...to be honest, before I had my own child, I felt the same way when around my pregnant friends or my friends who had children...
     
  4. hey crystalina, well this feeling should tell you that maybe childbirth should not be the factor to stop you from having a child. nothing is to stop you from having a child it seems except the worry of childbirth, which isn't easy but neither is it the end of the world, to be perfectly honest. at the end the best thing I have ever experienced is the result - while I was hoping that we finally moved past the whole 'i feel pity for you because you have children, I feel pity for you because you don't have children..' point, after really lengthy threads, it seems I was clearly wrong.....

    I can't say i ever felt jealous around friends with their children, mainly because I always knew i would have them... maybe you just need to re-evaluate your decision? you are no less of a friend because you feel that way, in the end we sometimes just can't help it!
     
  5. And now I feel pity for you.

    You are always in this subforum (and often the first to comment) so you clearly can't get enough of the company of those you feel pity for. Why? Do you really not feel good enough unless you put yourself next to women you pity? Do you then get a little "superiority rush"? Does it make your day?

    See, I'm playing your game now. In reality, of course, I remember that thread where you said your boyfriend of quite a few years would probably never marry you unless you got pregnant "accidentally". I also remember the thread about your endometriosis and how it may be difficult to conceive... and methinks you protest a bit much!

    But, then again, maybe you're just a masochist trying to get her rocks off.

    Either way, girl...ugh, atta life!

    To the O/P

    Perhaps you should explore this feeling in as much depth as possible and with as much honesty as possible. You may find out you're not as ambivalent about motherhood as you thought you were. Do you have a history of wanting the things your friends have (particularly things you never quite wanted before)? If you don't and this is an isolated incident and out of character, then perhaps you truly are ready to think seriously about motherhood.

    I don't think you can go wrong if you stay honest with yourself and both the decision to have children or remain child-free are equally worthy of respect as long as they reflect who you truly are in the world!
     
  6. I always feel jealous when I find out one of my friends is pregnant! Of course, I'm always happy for them too but the jealousy is always there at first. For me, I know it's because I've been ready for a couple of years now to have a baby but my DH has not been. I know I'll eventually have one though, either natually or by adoption.
     
  7. I think your feelings are perfectly normal. Your friend is about to experience something that up to this point you have been contemplating. Since she is your good friend you will be able to see her progress & ask questions along the way. She will probably share a lot of things with you, too. Maybe seeing someone close to you go through pregnancy will help you make a decision one way or the other.
     
  8. :shrugs:

    Just curious, where did you get that picture in your avatar? It's so creepy in a funny way! Not saying you should change it, I'm just wondering.
     
  9. sorry i can't relate...when my friends were pregnant i was happy for them, i didn't get jealous. If having a baby is what you really want but childbirth is stopping you maybe thats why you feel that way. Don't let the idea of childbirth stop you
     
  10. If the mere idea of childbirth scares you, maybe it is not wise to have children at this point in your life. Each one of our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers back to the beginning of time has given birth -- it is not something too difficult for any one of us to do, nor are any of us above doing it.

    I would imagine the idea of how you would go about raising a child should be the truly scary part of deciding whether or not to have children. Childbirth is probably easy by comparison -- knowing that you are capable of instilling the morals, values, grit necessary for your child to be successful in this world seems like it should be of prime concern.
     
  11. Wow. That's weird, and a little stalker-ish...you're paying WAY too much attention to me...

    IntlSet:

    The original avatar came from a thread on the forum...I was just messing around one day with my photo-editing program and decided to color the face purple and etc. You know. For Halloween. I tried to change my avatar to something else after that, but it didn't work. It was going to be a pumpkinhead.
     
  12. I think your feelings are completely normal - both the jealousy you're feeling and the fear of childbirth. I know a lot of people who feel this way at one time or another. In fact, I don't know anyone who has absolutely no fear of childbirth. I think Dlkin Vegas makes a really good point - seeing as how you are on the fence about having a child, being around while your good friend goes through pregnancy may be helpful in making your decision. You can also help your friend prepare by reading a few books on pregnancy - hopefully this will help alleviate any fears you have as well.
     
  13. :lol:

    Honestly I don't get why you would feel jealous. Especially if you haven't fully decided about having children. I could understand if you had started trying to conceive and couldn't and THEN felt jealous.
     
  14. I get this way sometimes, too. Although I am extremely happy for my friends, at the same time it makes me a little sad. Dh and I have been trying FOREVER (well it seems like it anyway), we have gone through fertility treatments, spent thousands of dollars, and still no baby.....my friends they just have to look at a penis and they are pregnant.
     
  15. Sometimes I think that is because they aren't focused on it and they are more relaxed. At least that was what happened with some ladies I know. Too many women start panicking if they don't get pregnant the minute they decide they want to have a baby.