JEALOUS GF..plz help..

  1. Long story short....my roomate and her SO argue ALL the damn time. She is a very cool girl and everyone adores her as a friend but when it comes down to her man she turns into a controlling, bossy, JEALOUS (#1 issue) gf. i cant even begin to think how many times he has stormed out on her saying if she cant change her ways, mainly the jealousy, its over cuz he cant live his life not ever feeling comfortable. she accuses him of checking out everyone-from the tv, movies, people around them, on his computer, anytime and any place. This guy is a doll. He totally respects her and i can see he is really hurting from her ways. she swears she knows he wouldnt cheat on her but she hates the fact that he comes into contact w/ a girl that has major cleavage and that he would stare. im w/them alot and he doesnt do this. then again i dont sit there and check what he's looking at every minute like she will. he has told her if he sees something its never cuz he wants it or desires it. NORMAL!!! everyone sees things and he's not a pervert! PLEASE help! i had to drag her to the dr. after one of their episodes one day and gave her anti-depressants. how can i help? he has tried more than anyone to help her see he loves only her and so have i. its really uncomfortable when we go out cuz i know whats on her mind the entire time.and god forbid he people watches! geez, she even hesitates to use the restroom in fear a hot babe will walk by and he will look at her ass! i love this girl to death but its the most uncomfy thing for everyone. my SO and I have even learned to take seperate cars when we go out in case she gets mad and wants to leave and we want to stay. what do you do? i want to help her so bad so she can be happy. it hurts me to see her sit there just wondering who her bf comes in contact w/when he's anywhere w/o her. she is 24 and very pretty and other wise, normal! plz help, i dont know when me, her bf, whoever are going to finally lose it once and for all.
     
  2. Other than sitting down and having a heart to heart with her, I don't think you can help her. She is in control (or should I say out of control) of her emotions and it is up to her to do something about her jealousy. The way you were talking I thought she was about 18 not 24. Maturity, losing friends and driving away loved ones, may be the only thing that will make her see the error of her ways. At the moment she is obviously getting something out of this. She's lucky to have a good friend like you.:smile:
     
  3. There is nothing really that you can do for her. It's something she has to realize and work on herself. It sounds like she has self esteem issues. The best thing to do is just talk to her and tell her how she is coming off to other people. Maybe that will trigger her to realize what is going on.
    I was in a controlling relationship before and unfortunately it did come to where I was so fed up with having so many rules and watching what I said, that I just left and didn't look back. I wish your friend good luck.
     
  4. thank you for your kind words. i have talked to her many times and it kills me that she feels this way. i dont know if she needs counseling but she knows there is a prob but im not sure how she feels about that. at this point she should want to do anything to help. im sooo grateful SO and i are not like that w/eachother at all. she see's that too and tells me she wants that kind of relationship more than anything. :confused1: i know its not that easy for her to just stop and be happy but....
     
  5. I agree. I don't think there's anything you CAN do. Someone who is controlling needs to change themself. It really comes down to self confidence. If she really loves herself and knows she is beautiful, then she shouldn't worry about her boyfriend wanting anyone else but her. And this would be with any guy she dated. She could have real concern if this guy was a jerk, but it doesn't sound like the issue here.

    Building up this self esteem has to come from inside. It sounds like there's a whole can of worms here that needs to be dealt with. All you can do is support her and guide her to change. She needs to see that her behavior is destructive and that she will only cause others to leave her if she continues. I wish her the best of luck.
     
  6. That's really nice of you to care for her, Snow. I understand your concern, but as everyone has mentioned, she has to initiate the change within herself. Yes, she needs therapy or counseling and medications to help her cope with her insecurities, depression or other issues only a medical professional can diagnose. But she needs to want to get help.

    The only thing you can do, is tell her that if she doesn't change, NO one will want to be around her. She will lose that wonderful boyfriend, she will exhaust you and guys will not want to date her because they will sense her jealousy and weird ways and will not want to deal with her. By behaving this way, she is isolating those that love her.
     
  7. It's is definitely a self-esteem issue. She's insecure with herself thinking she's not good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough for him so she sort of puts her thoughts on him. She either needs to build up her own self worth or needs to get any ugly boyfriend.
     
  8. ^I agree.!

    I don't think there's much more you can do. If she says she wants a relationship like yours & your SO's, you should tell her that her actions will not help her get there.
     
  9. it's really sweet that you want to help her. you sound like youre describing me actually lol! i tend to get jealous alot even though my SO is a sweetheart (bit of a dork). whenever he looks at other girls, i admit i get mad but he says things like your friend's SO. ANYWAYS, back on topic, i did get jealous because i was pretty ticked off that he would look at other girls (even though he wasn't really checking them out) when he had a pretty girl on his arm already. BUT, my friends did step in at one time a year ago because i was starting to go a little crazy. my best friends were blunt. they told me straight out that i was wrong and that i should let him do whatever and yada yada. once wasn't enough though, they had to like instill it into my head and tell me it every day for a week. also, i had my own sort of epiphany where i just thought "wow , i am lucky to have him and i should really just let things flow instead of getting all mean and green." so, i do think having your friends tell you you're wrong is okay. but she also has to realize it herself.
     
  10. no one is with their bf/so 24/7. since her bf still loves her just as much and is just as faithful since the last time she saw him, there's no reason he'll "run" away when she is just beside him/visit the restroom.
     
  11. I had a friend like that once! She just wanted drama in her life! She will not change and you will go nuts! Ditch her and find some positive friends and you will have much more fulfilling, happy life without the DRAMA! This was her quote "Drama is as Drama does":yes:
     
  12. Sounds like she has serious fear of loss in her life. Probably lost someone dear to her in the past, she should definitely go see a counsellor & try to deal with the root cause of her insecurities.
     
  13. lots of counseling to get to what's triggering this obsessive jealousy and behavioral methods to change her ways. Is she obsessive in other ways? she should go talk to a psychiatrist as well to see if she's depressed or OCD or something....
     
  14. thank you,everyone. she knows im n this forum cuz i talk about it everyday yet she doesnt know i wrote a post about her. i know she wouldnt be mad so im thinking of letting her read this. what do you think? i think it would reall help if she saw posts like this one-where it happened to someone else IRL.
     
  15. Letting her read our responses, including the above response by someone who can relate and changed, would be a good thing. She might not see it as a good thing and be offended or feel attacked, but how else will she change? You are doing this for her own good and for her to have a happy and successful future with someone she loves.

    You have nothing to lose, you can just walk away and find stable and secure friends. So, if you are reading this Snow White's girl friend, she is doing this for you!