IsYour life wat u expected? Ever felt your life was going downhill? stories to share?

  1. Hey ya all,

    I was wondering if any of you were at a point in your life where based on your situation, it just felt like your life was going to just plateau or go downhill and you wouldn't be able to accomplish your goals or recover from your mistakes?


    I'm feeling that way right now. :confused1: I find out that an acquaintance of mine just got into the top school. While I got rejected by the same grad schools i applied to and it's not that my profile or grades or experience were horrible. they are at least average to above average. and her profile is not that dissimilar to mine. I'm so frustrated at the rejection. why not me?? [​IMG]
    I feel like life is unfair and the concept of justice doesn't really exist. some people are luckier than others.


    i'd like to hear some stories and words of wisdom from any of you willing to share about what happened - whether things picked up beyond reasonable probability or if you just learned to accept the situation and toss out your goals and live with what you have? (feel free to PM me if your story is super personal. I will of course keep it in confidence)



    I know i'm still young and only getting into my 30s but all signs point downhill. [​IMG] There are other contributing factors as to why i'm feeling this way.

    B) I got screwed by my boss who forced me out of the company and I've been jobless for awhile. too long a story but i've no idea what career i have for now. I have skills and i'm diligent and smart but that has very little to do with someone wanting to give you a chance. employers just want someone with perfect records and no messy story.
    C) My family causes me alot of stress and while they love me, again, they cause me alot of stress which has resulted in me being far away from nyc trying to untangle their mess.
    D) BF of 4yrs broke up after telling me throughout the 4 yrs tat he was serious about us, in it to get married, etc etc. When i said I needed him to actually show it, he suddenly "didn't feel that way" about the relationship.

    when i look back on the last few years I feel like i have accomplished nothing and have nothing to show for the last few years of hardware. No career, no grad school, no bf.

    I just feel like the whole not getting into grad school thing + career thing are indicators that things are going downhill. I can't overcome something like that you know? Nothing i do can make up for not getting into a top grad school. I need some miraculous break to get a really good job and get back on track with my career. and give the last 7 years of my lousy luck and everything that has happened, i don't believe in miracles happening to me. :push:


    I can't afford to lose another yr and apply to school next yr because i already waited too long to apply to grad school and IF i can find a job soon, my employer is not going to be thrilled about be leaving in a year and writing a good rec for me. :sad:


    I'm not that upset about losing the bf. But i just feel dump and stupid for believing him and leeting this relationship drag out for so long. I feel a great sense of loss for all the time and energy and effort i put into this relationship which i now know means nothing to him. I was so dumb! and i can never have my 20s back again!


    Anyway so right now i feel that based on the situation and extending the circumstances out to the future, i'm kind of screwed with my career.

    no graduate degree, and less than perfect job record = very low possibility of getting good job and having a successful established career [​IMG]

    anyone have any stories to share?:shrugs::confused1:

    I hope every one has a great weekend. Thanks for listening
     
  2. Yes, I feel like that way right now. I am a few months away from completing my degree and I've applied for grad jobs but no one wants me. I hear other people getting interviews but not me :crybaby:
     
  3. Okay...I only read your title...I am 38...I LOVE my life. When I was younger I was always trying to find something bigger and better, something that was defined me. I have found what makes me successful, I have found love, peaceful moments, and most of all I have found my way...(so to speak) Please enjoy your time. It will all come together. :heart: I wish I could go back to my early 30's...they were the BEST!!!!!
     
  4. no, i don't think anyone would have their life as they expected. no matter how rich or happy you are, it seems like we always have a higher expectations. that's the human nature.

    BUT...in the end, you are the one who decides how u want to bring your life, to be happy or to be depressed.
    yeah, i had my down side moments... with works, relationship.
    and yes, there were times when i though i wanna die and just crying all day in my room and shut off my friends and families.
    but, there comes a moment when i realised that is it me still crying or is it me want to keep on crying?
    am i drown in my depression because i chosen to?
    am i enjoying my sadness too much that i can't see the happiness i actually have surrounding me?

    and hey, i said to myself... LIFE is beautiful, there's so many things ahead of us that will bring happiness.
    i just have to lower my expectation of life a little bit.
    happiness is not always standing on your side.

    once my friend asked, when the last time you felt a true happiness ?
    i don't know, i said almost everyday.
    although maybe it's not "true" happiness, but i try to make every situation as a happy and fun experience.
    it's the way your brain controls that decides if something make you happy or not, it's the surroundings expectation too that influenced the level of happy or not.

    i'm not trying to say people should give up their dreams to prevent themselves from disappointment.
    but we have to be a dreamer but a realistic dreamer.

    and again, it's you who's the one to make the decision.

    when you were down, think about all the happiness that might lay in front of you.

    hope u have a great weekend and feeling better.

    :heart:
     
  5. Has it occurred to you that plenty of successful people did not, in fact, go to the top graduate schools? I don't think rejection from a school should be an excuse, or a cause, for failing at a career.

    Sorry you're feeling blue. Maybe instead of chalking it all up to luck, you can take a step back and see what you can do to change your situation.
     
  6. Not everyone gets everything they would like to have the moment they wish for it...I waited 3 years to get into grad school. And even when you do, you wonder - what's going to happen after that?

    And really, many, many people though they seem outwardly happy and satisfied yearn inside for some other thing...a better house, more money, a more satisfying job, childless people may want children, better health...and feel that their life would be that little bit happier, they would be that little bit more upwardly mobile if they had that one thing. It never works out that way, though...and getting the thing you really wanted may not be the path to hapiness.
     
  7. I love to hear stories like this Selena, so happy for you.
    Unfortunately my life hasn't turned out the way I would have wanted, never expected to be divorced but I have two fabulous kids & some great handbags so what the heck LOL
     
  8. Hey bubs!
    Never ever give up! Life is about ups & downs. One year I had such a bad year even my friends said to me, man this year sux for you!
    I was a late bloomer, got my undergrad at 33 & grad degree at 37. You just have to hang in there & think
    positive. I had to change my whole career path to get back "on course."
    I too love my life now. Sometimes I just can't believe I've been this blessed. I love this time in my life & I'm 50. I wouldn't go back for anything. I worked hard to get to this place & I'm loving the results!
    Believe me, there are alot of men who want women in their 30's. You're not old, stop thinking that. Men usually get established in their 30's so you can now see who will be successful & who won't be. So you can pick better! One year from now (regarding your old boyfriend) you will say "what was I thinking!" Someone is out there for you & its just not the right time yet.
     
  9. Lots of people can't make the claim they have 2 fabulous kids! Good for you!
    My life didn't turn out the way I thought it should be either. I'm not sure anyones does. God had bigger plans then I could ever dream of.
    When we make plans, God gets a good chuckle. It on his time, not ours. Enjoy the ride!
     
  10. Everyone has struggles to work through, especially when you are younger. It helps define you, creates empathy and understanding. Teaches you fortitude and helps you figure out what's really right for you, what's worth fighting and striving for. I know it sounds cliche, but keep trying and you'll get where you need to be.

    My long winded story:

    When I was in my mid 20's I was divorced with a young son and an absent ex husband (yes, married way too young). I worked in a male dominated field and worked my bum off, and did well. Thankfully, my parents were very supportive and helped a lot with my son. After working for 5 years for a company, dedicating 60 + hours a week, I took my first vacation in almost 3 years...an older man who wanted my job launched a campaign while I was gone to have me fired. On the day I returned from vacation, I was fired. I was devastated. Being young in a male dominated field, working for only 1 company since college and having a certain level of salary expectation (from doing well before, plus simple need of a single mom) made finding a new job difficult. I rearranged some things, took the opportunity to look at my life in a new light. I took on a job in the same industry, but very different job title. It was hard work, and many times I thought I was spinning my wheels and getting no where. I will admit I was very bitter for awhile.

    In retrospect, I can see this how this change helped me so much. First, I met my DH at this job, and he is truely is my soul mate. Also, it taught be things don't always go as planned, and to truly succeed (not just survive) you have to be able to adapt and change, be creative and willing to take a risk. It also taught me a lot of humility. Comming from a well off family, school was always a snap for me, and I 'fell' into my job and yes, I worked hard, but rose quickly and made a lot of money. Even though I was divorced, I choose to end that marriage (I caught my ex cheating), because I was so young, and did so well in spite of my my field I had a lot of confidence and self worth...way too much was tied into my job and material things....having that all yanked away from me was eye opening and changed me for the better.

    When DH and I married, we still were both struggling career wise. I vividly remember the times I worried how to feed us all on 18.00 for 6 days until payday...dinners weren't so bad, a lot of ramen and veggies, but my son was in kindergarten by then and packing lunches was brutal. I could have asked my parents for help, but I am glad I didn't. Pride and work ethic got me through.

    Now 15 years later, I can recogonize how blessed I am. I have a great family and home. I no longer need to work, but still dabble and do consulting to keep me busy and challenged. I volunteer and donate alot to causes and people I believe in.

    But the biggest thing is I feel I am a better person. It is hard to discribe. For example volunteering, I have always volunteered, but when I was young it was about me...I volunteered as a candy striper, tutor and a model at charity fashion events...and I loved how these things helped me on my college application and how they made others perceive me...'Mary is so smart, she is the youngest candy striper ever to be allowed to work in pedatrics, she tutors in the hardest math class at school, she is so pretty she is always being called to model in fashion shows, etc'. I never really thought about those I was helping. Now when I volunteer it makes me feel good for the right reasons, it is all about those who need help those in need and making someone elses life better.

    Yes, I am very comfortable and still enjoy the material trappings of wealth, but I know that while that is nice, it doesn't define who I am. If all the 'things' were gone tomorrow, I would and could start from scratch, I would and could succeed again, and do so in a way that I could be proud of and help others like myself along the way.

    Okay, so after that long winded 'me', I hope you can see, you might not know way this is happening now, but you have the choice to decide how you are going to react....make it work, be creative, just keep trying. kwim?
     
  11. Hey ya all,

    thanks for sharing.

    For the last 7 years i've just fought against obstacle after obstacle. things would be ok for awhile and then something major would come up again. I tried to find my way and do it my way versus taking the jobs that were the most prestigious or best paying ones. In the end, my attempt to find my way has just resulted in me falling flat on my face. I would have been better sticking with the prestigious job i had because fast forward to now and i really don't know where all of that has gotten me. certainly didn't get me into grad school! =P

    Of course i'll keep on plugging away. I mean i cant just sit on the sofa and go i give up. i'm not crying all day either. I'm just unhappy with my life and angry and frustrated at the cards that have been dealt to me. and there is only so much I can do to help the situation. the rest is not within my control. For example, I worked my ass off and i did good work etc but my boss didn't appreciate it and forced me out.

    I just find it so hard to come to terms with my situation. I could do so much more if i were given the right opportunities. and it's tough to see your peers with great opportunities thrown at them while i'm struggling through. Of course we are all different people and we all have different issues to deal with.

    I'd like to believe that things will work out. that i'll find the right opportunity and my career will be back on track. but it's just so hard to believe or see that happening for me....:confused1:

    Pls keep the stories coming! Thanks!

    Miss L: I hope you find a job soon!! Sending you good vibes *hugs*

    Merika: Congrats on waiting it out and making it to grad school! that is fabulous! I know what you mean about feeling like this one extra thing would complete your life. i just feel like my life is full of bricks that have tumbled down!! :supacool: I would just like ONE thing to work out... grrrr
     
  12. I think it's all about attitude. I used to complain about a lot of things when I was younger...and somewhere in my mid 20's I just stopped. I realized that a lot of things are what I made of them...and I just started taking a much more positive, laid back view of things. And once I started doing that, things started to fall in place! I love life now. I don't have everything I thought I would have at this point in my life, but that's ok. You work with what you've got, and try to change things for the better. :smile:
     
  13. I am back....I have been thinking about you all morning while I was weeding my garden....sounds strange, but true.

    Things are so tough for you and you're getting hit with a triple whammy....so it stands to reason you have times when you're down...I was racking my brian for something to say that doesn't sound cliche and trite, but I am at a loss for something original, but what came to mind the most was....

    It is darkest before the light, and sometimes you just need faith. Faith that things will work out and faith in yourself. Sometimes, heck most the times, things don't go the way we planned, but that doesn't mean you failed you just took a different path, and that path can always be changing. Look for the things you can do instead of things you can't; look for the things to be happy for, instead of sad; look foward, instead of back :smile:

    If I or others thought about my life compared to my dreams and goals simply, I would look like a complete failure.


    Career: VP or CEO of major corporation vs housewife
    Salary: mid 6 figures vs lol, don't even ask
    Husband: married to high school/college sweetheart vs divorced and remarried
    Kids: 2, boy and a girl vs 3 boys
    Family: continued close relationship with my parents and sisters vs My mom drives me crazy, I hardly talk to my sisters and both their husbands are A$$holes. I barely even know my brothers.

    You get the idea...yet, I am very happy. So yes, I have changed my expectations as life as thrown me curves...but in the end, I am happy and I am proud of myself, my husband and my kids.

    I hope that helps, at least a little PM me anytime you need to vent or talk.
     
  14. **Hugs***
    I hope that you will start to feel better soon....we all have those moments in life....

    For me, counting my blessings of health and opportunities that we have and that we are fortunate in all the world to be living in a wonderful country (in times like today when alot of the countires are suffering and in war)....keeps me feeling lucky.....and in good sprits
     
  15. Life is hardly if ever what you expect or what you want. You have to do the best you can with what your dealt. And at times other people will sabatoge you or hinder you. You have to be strong-willed and persistent to succeed... sometimes it's even yourself. Don't wallow in despair let it give you purpose and light your passion and your drive. Wishing the best!!!