is there an age when you don't really have to be a stay at home mom?

[soccermom3]

Not every mom who works only works during school hours either. That would be a luxury for me. I work in a hospital, 7pm-730am part-time. I have to work, but someone is always home day or night. My kids are young teens and I feel it's important that they know someone is always there if they need them, or as a warning!

 

[Zophie]

I think every woman wants different things for different reasons, and no one should judge any of them. JMHO.

I agree. I don't have kids but I doubt I could be a SAHM. Every time I visit my friend who is a SAHM I think I'm going to go crazy. It seems like the toughest job in the world to me. But that's just MY opinion. She loves being a SAHM. I'm sure my friend would rather not have my job and my lifestyle.

 

[B. Jara]

maybe some people are forgetting who exactly runs the programs at schools?

It's purely volunteers. . . by guess whom? MOMS!
We don't simply get our kids fed and dressed and ship them to school for 7 hours and then eat Bon Bons all day until the bus drops them at the front door again.
I can't think of one SAHM with any real amount of 'free time'.
Most are like me, they get 5 or 10 minutes here and another 15 minutes there. . . all day.

Exactly. I am out of the house and at the school volunteering more hours now than I think I was when I worked and got paid! I am the room parent for both my kids classes...what was I thinking? LOL

Sure, I do have more freedom with my time now that both my kids are in school from 8-2:30, but as you know Swanky, there is still a lot that needs to be done. It's hard to fathom unless you have been there/done that and know exactly what goes on in a SAHM's day.

 

[bagnshoofetish]

maybe some people are forgetting who exactly runs the programs at schools?

It's purely volunteers. . . by guess whom? MOMS!
We don't simply get our kids fed and dressed and ship them to school for 7 hours and then eat Bon Bons all day until the bus drops them at the front door again.
I can't think of one SAHM with any real amount of 'free time'.
Most are like me, they get 5 or 10 minutes here and another 15 minutes there. . . all day.

you go girl....

 

[bagnshoofetish]

Yeah, as others have posted it really isn't anyone's business if she 'has' to go back to work for any particular reason or just simply wants to make a change. Is she qualified for the job? If so she should be in the running! As a former hiring manager I know (as many others I'm sure) how darn careful you have to be making judgments or assumptions about someone who's been out of the workforce for awhile. If you use the proper interviewing techniques you can distill what you need about their experience and behaviors to decide if they are a good match.

Sorry if this is OT, but I was raised by a SAHM and a damn good one too (I know I'm biased). with my brothers and me squirming around, somehow Mom managed to raise all 3 of us, Junior League, swim team, book clubs, volunteering, an occasional game of bridge or racquetball, sack lunches everyday, and she did it all in style. The phone was always ringing, someone was always at the house for a fundraising meeting or something, and the calendar was always packed. I couldn't think of a more inspiring person than my Mom .

Amen sistah!

 

[bagnshoofetish]

....Um, but...when they grow up....I can't be the ONLY woman here who doesn't want to go back to work, can I?....Yea, I don't really want to go back to work.....would that be wrong?

NO absolutely not! And I think thats what bugs me the most about this topic is that it is passing some sort of judgement about that. Last I checked, this was a free society where a person can choose how to spend their time. Your hubby provides very well for his family and you work your behind off raising his children! You have a brain and you use it and you are blessed with having the option of going back to work or not. What is wrong with that? Nothing!
Big huge hug and wet sloppy kiss to all the SAHM here in the forum - you do whats best for you and do not feel you have to justify not working. You do work dammit!

 

[statfan]

NO absolutely not! And I think thats what bugs me the most about this topic is that it is passing some sort of judgement about that. Last I checked, this was a free society where a person can choose how to spend their time. Your hubby provides very well for his family and you work your behind off raising his children! You have a brain and you use it and you are blessed with having the option of going back to work or not. What is wrong with that? Nothing!
Big huge hug and wet sloppy kiss to all the SAHM here in the forum - you do whats best for you and do not feel you have to justify not working. You do work dammit!

I hope no one read this and thought "she think there's something wrong with being a sahm". I just think it's hypocritical to say "well, I'm purely a sahm because my kids need me" when they are a certain age and over and you, secretly or not so secretly, just don't want to go back. It seems, correct me if I'm wrong, most people commenting have kids 9ish and under. Will you still feel this way when your kid is 13-14 (high school age)? Please don't think I'm saying teens don't need mom around, but as you get older imo you do gain more knowledge and can have a bit more independence. I think that was point because me and a friend irl came to that conclusion. I mean, it's like one poster said a lot of schools have enough aids and what have you to run smoothly. I guess my point is, after a certain age most moms can go back to work, but mainly don't because they don't want to. I was just saying, though, you should say it's because, or partly because, you don't want to do back. I mean, they are so many working moms that proves if you do choose to go back your kid will not be messed up. I got the feeling from some of the posts that having a mom that worked seemed like a bad fate for any kid.

 

[Newgrlonthebloc]

^^ I understand your point very well.

Let's just say this to sum it up. It's best for the kid to have a HAPPY mother. If Mom is happy at home and does a great job of being a SAHM then that can only be great for the kid. Likewise, if mom is very happy in her career and wants to or needs to work outside and she's happy and still makes time for the kids--then this is all that matters IMO.

Every woman is different and every family and child has different needs as well.

I have the best of both worlds...as I stated before...I get to be home for my kids (who are school aged) and I still maintain my career by working from my home office. Working from home allows me more flexibility and time with my kids and family. I work primarily during the hours they are in school. This is the best choice for me and my family.

 

[bagnshoofetish]

I hope no one read this and thought "she think there's something wrong with being a sahm".

But you keep saying you do indeed think there is something wrong with that and that if someone can work they just should.

I just think it's hypocritical to say "well, I'm purely a sahm because my kids need me" when they are a certain age and over and you, secretly or not so secretly, just don't want to go back.

That is a judgement call. I guess I have to ask you why it matters to you if someone is being hypocrital or not? Its none of anyones business.

I guess my point is, after a certain age most moms can go back to work, but mainly don't because they don't want to.

and that is their right.

I was just saying, though, you should say it's because, or partly because, you don't want to do back.

No one has to justify to me or anyone else why they choose to do anything in their lives.

I got the feeling from some of the posts that having a mom that worked seemed like a bad fate for any kid.

You'd have to show me those posts. Cause all I got was that it was a positive thing for moms to SAH. If thats what they choose to do. If a mom wants to work - as long as the kids well being is put first - thats fine as well. No one here ever said it was bad to work.

 

[lara0112]

Believe me, with all the changes constantly going on in a workplace, it can be pretty daunting to go back only after a couple of years, let alone 20!

I didn't for one moment suggest this woman didn't have a life outside her home or was afraid of anything,
but studying when you're young and going back when you're middle aged is two different things, I should know, I've done both...

^ sorry, I may have taken it wrong - I am sure it is daunting, as everything new is, but I just find that being a SAHM is pretty much in the action - I have said this time and again so I am sorry if I keep repeating but I have an issue with thinking about being SAHM and anything other than mum/wife/home/family related as a two separate "worlds" - it just seems so patronising to SAHMs. this is action/job etc -

I know you are speaking from personal experience and I am not saying you are patronising but I just fail to see the difference between the one job or the other.

 

[Megs]

My mom was at home with all of us through high school, and is still a SAHM for my baby bro. There is nothing more that I would have wanted- and she wanted it too.

Everyone has their own reasons and all of those reasons in a circumstance/situation/life is perfectly acceptable IMO

 

[katheryn]

My mom was a SAHM until I was 11 and my sisters were 10. Before that, she did a lot of volunteer work at the school. Her job was at the school, so she had the same hours we did. I really think it is smart to be around the house when you have teens. Those hours alone between the end of school and the end of work are probably the hours where teens do the most bad things.

It ended being a really good thing that my mom went back to work, because my father passed away. You never know what might happen, and insurance money and savings get ripped through pretty fast if you are trying to live a certain lifesyle. If I am ever a SAHM, I will probably try to get a flexible or part-time job (once the kids are in school) just so I have some recent employment experience in case of death or divorce.

 

[Syntagma]

Those hours alone between the end of school and the end of work are probably the hours where teens do the most bad things.

It ended being a really good thing that my mom went back to work, because my father passed away. You never know what might happen, and insurance money and savings get ripped through pretty fast if you are trying to live a certain lifesyle. If I am ever a SAHM, I will probably try to get a flexible or part-time job (once the kids are in school) just so I have some recent employment experience in case of death or divorce.

Very true on the hours kids get into trouble!

It depends how you handle your finances as to the death aspect. DH and I have saved so much and have huge insurance policies to the point that if he passed away I would be able to continue with my lifestyle as it is now for MANY MANY YEARS. However I realize we are an exception. We have no debt. DH works in financial services though and is very serious about money.

 

[compulsivepurse]

^^ I understand your point very well.

Let's just say this to sum it up. It's best for the kid to have a HAPPY mother. If Mom is happy at home and does a great job of being a SAHM then that can only be great for the kid. Likewise, if mom is very happy in her career and wants to or needs to work outside and she's happy and still makes time for the kids--then this is all that matters IMO.

Every woman is different and every family and child has different needs as well.

I agree. I grew up with a depressed mother, which had nothing to do with whether she worked or not and more to do with the fact that her mother had died and left 5 children with a father who was a good father but depressed b/c his wife had died. A happy mother is far more important than whether your mother works or not!!!

 

[Christine]

I have a question then. My boyfriend's kids have no mom and I am expected to be one. I have no respect for thier real mom (whom they love.. but not for long as she drunk drove them to a sitter's this past weekend). I don't favor them choosing a lifestyle that I am in (BF and I do NOT live together) but they do refer to me as a parent. Good luck with this one.