is there an age when you don't really have to be a stay at home mom?

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  1. A friend of mine just called me. She's being looking for a person to fill in a position at her job for like 2 weeks now. A woman came to interview with her. She's been out of work 23 years (and just went back to school about 2 years ago). :wtf: My friend comments about how she's not been working for the time, and she says she's been a stay at home mom. My firend didn't ask but she said that her youngest was 19 and she finally feels ready to enter the workforce again. :wtf:

    Does this seem a little odd to anyone else? I mean, why you be a stay at home mom for so long if you clearly need to work? Couldn't she have gotten a job when her kid was like 5 (that's when they start school for most of the day)? I mean, I think waiting until you kids is almost 20 is a bit much.

    So, it got me and my friend thinking, is there an age when you don't really have to be a stay at home? I mean, when you have like say an infant, you need to be there 24/7 basically, but does the same apply to a 13 year old? Me, and my friend, came to the conclusion that about 13-14 is the age and most moms, mainly those whose households need the extra income, who don't go back to work just don't want to. I think a lot of stay at home moms say their kids need them and that;s why they stay so long, when it's really they don't want to be working.
     
  2. When kids enter middle school is good if you are looking at 10-12 years of being a SAHM. Else most elementary schools from kindergarten are full-day (~9-3) and many times there are pre- and after school programs available within school premises.

    I feel that it is true. Some people are not honest about saying that they just prefer not to do a job.
     
  3. Maybe she wanted to be around until her kids are off to college.
     
  4. i think it really depends on the mother. my SO's mom was a SAHM up until he went to high school since he was the youngest child. my mom tried being a SAHM for about a week and became very restless so she went back to work. some SAHM get part time jobs while their kids are in school or full time jobs with very flexible hours. i just think it really depends on the individual. my SO wants me to be a SAHM but i dont think i can handle it lol!
     
  5. I think it depends on the individuals circumstances. You can't possibly make an all inclusive statement about when someone should or shouldn't go back to work.
     
  6. I commend that woman for going for what she wants after being a SAHM for a very long time. I really see nothing wrong with her situation.
     
  7. I actually think that you might a bit judgemental - so what she didn't work until her kids were 19?
    if they need the extra income and they manage anyway - good for them. are they getting government support for that? I mean like if you can't work but the family needs money? cause that is a different story.
    but if they can manage, and even if they don't want to work, I don't see the big deal.
    couldnt it be that she just felt she got bored now that her child is 19? i actually think it is great that she is going back to work now - it is a lot worse if parents are clingy and can't let the child go. it sounds like the lady is really healthy about this - take care while they need her and now get on with her life. plus, she has a lot of experience with kids, so your friend should take her.
    I don't believe in generalised statements at all - since I had my child i have a different perspective on these things.
    BTW, there was another thread on this
     
  8. I don't see anything wrong with her being at home that long. I actually think it's a beautiful thing in this day and age. I also think that the time one stays at home is personal and individual.

    I am fortunate that I am able to work from my home office. The option to work from home is great especially when you are a woman who is dedicated to your career but also want to be home with your children while they are young. It's been this way for 5 years and I LOVE IT! I know that everyone isn't as fortunate.
    I love being home for my boys (they are in school during the day). My husband also loves that I am home and of course my boys do too. They know that I work but I still have time for them most days. I only meet with clients twice a week.

    Don't judge others. There are a lot of kids out there who wish their mothers were SAHM's. My own mother HAD to work after she and my dad divorced..while I was growing up. The greatest compliment ever was my mother telling me that she was so proud of me for seemingly having and managing it all and that I was so blessed to be able to 'choose' to stay at home with my kids. So I know that I am very fortunate.
     
  9. I think it's really hard to tell what goes on in another person's life. I'm currently a SAHM and love it. I would like to find work that I can do part time and from home would be even better, so I will when the time feels right. I have girlfriends who are working now when their kids are small (youngest is 3 and oldest is 9) and when her oldest starts middle school she's quitting work to stay home as she believes it's going to be really important for her to stay involved with her kids in those preteen years. She's fortunate that they make good money and can hire a live in nanny while she's working.

    I really feel for the woman who was home for 19 years, it probably was hard for her to make the first move and start interviewing for a job.
     
  10. Since when is being a stay at home Mom considered "out of work"? All the SAHMs I know work their @sses off.

    I'm going to attribute your attitudes in this thread (and those of your friend) to you being realllllly naive. :p I also think this thread is a great example of the kind of age discrimination that is leveled at women over 40.
     
  11. I can only speak from my own experience... My mom went back to work when my sister and I entered highschool (I was in Gr.8, she was in Gr.9). This felt natural to me. Also - she got a job in a different highschool - so her hours were comparable to ours, she was home when we were, had the same Christmas break, summer holidays etc. I loved having my mom around all the time. She was always "there" for me in every sense of the word. Now that I am a mom-of-3, she is my best friend along with my sister. We've got a really strong bond... and I think that has to do with the fact that she was always with us.

    ** NOTE - this worked for us - not judging anyone who's experience was different!
     

  12. Word.
     
  13. On the other side of the coin, why would a woman "have to be a stay at home mom". I went back to work when my kids were 3 months old each time and the are smart, beautiful, loving children. I think with your title and your message you are going to alienate both SAHMs and WOHMs (Work outside the home mom's).
     
  14. She clearly needed to work?? I don't see that. She was out of a job for 23 years I hardly think she NEEDED to work otherwise she would have gone to work sooner. More like she WANTED to work again. There is a huge difference. She said she felt ready to enter the workforce. Makes sense. She just didn't want to work before that. No biggie! She may have gotten tot he point where she was bored. My mom never went back to work but she thought about it occasionally after were were all out of school.


    Also, there is much more things to do when you child starts school than you think. You don't realize what you miss with your kids until you stay home. I have dones both. I worked until I got pregnant with my second child and then relaize the reading times. lunches, parties at school I had missed with my older son because I was working. Now I get to go to all of those! It's FABULOUS! Being the class mom is great and getting involved in the child's school life, the PTA, etc...
     
  15. I kind of see what the OP is saying. Once kids are in school, especially high school, you now have from 8-3 at home by yourself. Sure you can clean and shop for groceries and such, but that shouldn't take up all those hours. Someone who needs the income (which is what the OP is saying) would have gotten a job during those hours and still be home in time to greet the kids when they come home. So I don't think it's weird to assume that one of the possibilities for not having a job is because they don't want to work. It doesn't apply to all SAHMs that stay that long out of the work force, but I'm sure it applies to some.

    Edit: Okay, read syntagma's post and saw what else can go on during those school hours. But I still think there are others that don't do those things and just sit at home all day.
     
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