Is it wrong to invite me for dinner and TELL me what to bring?

  1. OK-some of you who have been around for a while have read the stories about my eldest SIL whom I call Cheapo. :biggrin:

    Now-when I am invited to someone's home for dinner, or a bbq-i bring something-I always have. Usually wine or a dessert is the norm. If it is someone I am close to-I might call them and ask them if there is something they would like me to bring and they might mention something in particular. All well and good-right?

    But, is it all well and good to actually call up the people you have invited to your home (in this case for a bar-b-q) and TELL them what to bring? For example, Cheapo had a bbq-she called me up about 2 days before and asked what I was bringing-i honestly said I hadn't decided yet since my concern was about how to pick up MIL (her and my hubby's mother) and get my mother to the airport (mom had been visiting for a while and was leaving that day) and still get to her house at a reasonable time. Hubby and I weren't even going to attend the bbq-but SIL guilted us into it by whining about if we didn't go-MIL would have no other way of getting there.

    OK-I am rambling. So-I tell her-honestly, I hadn't thought about it, I am still trying to figure out how to pick up and drop off. She says-"well-can you bring soda? We don't drink soda here, so , there isn't anything for people to drink". I asked "How much soda?". She proceeds to tell me that there will be 16 people at the bbq, I said "you want me to bring soda for 16 people?". To which her reply was-"well-that is how many will be here and I just came out of BJ's (a bulk store like Costco) and I am not going back in".

    Anyway-am I crazy or is it wrong to ask people to bring things like this? I mean-you are the one throwing the party/dinner/bbq-shouldn't you be providing these things and let the guests bring what they like unless they ask otherwise? I throw dinners and parties and would never think to ask people to bring what I consider "essentials".

    For the record, she asked my other SIL to bring dessert and her son to bring beer-again, enough for 16 people-her son (he is 38 BTW, so no one should think she had someone underage buying liquor-LOL) was livid. Am I wrong here?

    (I think I am going to start another thread about what she pulled on her granddaughter at the same bbq.)
     
  2. Well, honestly...if I invited you over for a dinner party I would call you ahead of time and be like bring the steaks, side dishes and grab some booze while you are at it......:roflmfao: I'm only kidding!!! We have never been invited to a dinner party or bbq that we've been requested to bring food, we do always ask what we can bring or what is needed. But most of the time everyone says nothing. I wouldn't personally call someone and tell them to bring something (maybe only if I had forgotten to pick it up and it was right before the party). That's just me though..I always tell people to just bring themselves!
     
  3. As long as they dont make a habit of it. I usually do the same as you bring whatever I want or call & see if they want/need anything in particular. Maybe because you are family they dont think it's a big deal? I dont know I'm just trying to put myself in their shoes.
     
  4. Ehh...it's okay in some circles, it isn't kosher in my family/family friends area. I would personally be annoyed; it's their party, you're a guest, if you bring something normally that's great but it isn't their place to pick and choose. Kinda makes it seem like she's collecting ingredients that she may have been too, er you mentioned "cheap" to buy on her own...
     
  5. Yes-it strikes all of us that way-well-at least myself, my hubby and her son-LOL.

    And, she does this all the time.
     
  6. I would never ask anyone to bring anything even if they offered. If I'm the hostess then I'm the hostess all the way. Of course when I go to someone else's house (including family) I always bring a thank-you gift and usually a case of bottled water or sodas or little snack things for the kids.
     
  7. I wouldn't go. Simple as that. I wouldn't dream of asking guests to provide for a party to which they had been invited. Therefore, I wouldn't expect to be told(!) to bring a (large quantity, let's remember) major part of the spread.

    Cheeky bint.
     
  8. Your family - of course she is allowed to "tell" you what to bring. You are expected to roll over and do exactly as you are instructed, because you are family!


    The Lace - I so love "Bint" Whenever I make a call in work to a mate, if somebody else answers the phone I tell them "just tell him/her it's the blonde bint" then they know who is calling!
     
  9. Nisha,
    Certainly the way they go about it is wrong!!!!

    Alot of families, (my inlaws) and others I have known, it is usual to bring a dish if they have dinner...
    I would always ask what they wanted me to bring...


    HOWEVER, this is a little thing the whole family use to do to me and it drove me NUTS!!! :wtf::tdown::confused1:

    Not to brag, but I do a few dishes really good..... some of the ones I would always bring, they started telling me to
    bring this BUT without the nuts:confused1: (Taffy Apple Salad)
    bring potato salad but can you maybe not do onions...???:confused1: YUK
    Can you bring your potato salad but use Miracle Whip instead of mayonaisse???????

    WTF!!!@!!!!!!

    They would do this constantly.... I would bring what they asked, BUT do it according to MY recipe, not their likes, dislikes...
    We do not have family get togethers anymore so I don't face that anymore...

    Sorry to highjack your thread!!!!!!!

    Why don't you buy the cheapest nastiest pop???, Maybe they won't ask you to do that anymore!!!! :nuts::tup:
     
  10. I have a SIL that does this. She's a control freak and is constantly ordering people around, even people she doesn't know.
     
  11. In my family sometimes I know there are requests for dishes to be brought... we have a big family so an average casual bbq is about 35-40 people... so yes, sometimes dishes are requested... but we all get along great, and a lot of people are happy to have dishes they make requested, I know it makes them happy to know that everyone enjoys the food...

    ...however, what your family is doing is totally different! One thing if you asked if there was anything she needed you to bring and she said soda, but to just demand it because she doesn't feel like grocery shopping is pretty rude. And I've read how she's acted before, so it doesn't really surprise me!
     
  12. To me, the only time it is acceptable to ask someone to bring something is either when it is a potluck (churches and non-profits have them, usually) or when a certain dish is your specialty and it is a compliment to be asked to bring it (usually a dessert or something small).

    To demand that you bring an integral part of the meal (and for 16 guests!!) is unacceptable.
     
  13. If I am giving a potluck party, I always ask guests to bring a category-specific contribution.

    Doing so means not everyone will bring donuts or potato salad.

    Most guys are horrible cooks. I ask them to bring beverages.

    If one of these guys doesn't drink beer or wine, I ask them to bring sodas.
     
  14. No you are not wrong. The problem is, Cheapo is tacky and vulgar.:tdown:
     
  15. I think it depends on how close you are, but normally you should not expect the guests to bring something that you request unless they ask if there is anything.
    Because she is family that you are pretty much tied to, I don't think it would be worth starting an argument with her over something like that, though, but if it happens too often, you might just want to politely decline.

    I can definitely see how you would be annoyed when you have to be driving around and picking people up, and on top of it get all these beverages for a party that you not only didn't plan, but did not really want to attend. Yeesh! I wish you the best. :smile: