Is it me? Am I just too considerate of others feelings?

  1. This will be a bit long winded-LOL.

    I post on a local board for the neighborhood I live in, it is a parenting board for people in our very immdediate area. Part of the board is a classifieds section where you can post things for sale, or services offered, such as babysitting. I have been posting on these boards for 3 years now and everybody on the boards signs their posts with their real names (the owners want a feeling of community)

    About 2 weeks ago, I posted an ad for my son's girlfriend who was looking for babysitting jobs. She is 18 and we will call her O from here on out. I received quite a few emails for her where I very kindly responded to each and everyone, answered questions people had and so on. I gave all of these people her cell number and mine. She ended up doing a couple of jobs last week for people and one person made an appointment with her for her to go to their house last Friday so they could meet her.

    now, here is my question. One of the people she sat for last week just this Sunday posted an ad looking for a babysitter for the next day-I found this odd since I knew O had sat for her just this past Thursday, I wrote to her and after receiving my email, she wrote back that she didn't feel O had enough experience with small infants and was looking for someone else. This was AFTER I wrote to her asking about why didn't she call O for this job.

    Then today, another woman I had corresponded with put up an ad looking for an occasional evening babysitter. I wrote to her and asked-what happend with O? She wrote back saying they were supposed to meet, but O stood her up. When I called O, she said she was sick on Friday and called the woman at the number she had been given and left a message.

    Now, here is my issue. Both of these women had gotten her number and info through me. Both of them had sent at least 3 or 4 emails back and forth to me when first looking for a sitter-and both of these woman had to know that I would have seen their new posts on the board still looking for sitters.

    Why wouldn't they have contacted me first out of courtesy? couldn't the first woman have written to me and said though O was a very nice girl-not a good fit for her family and then posted the new ad? Couldnt the 2nd woman write me and say-hey-what happened? she didn't show? I know that is what I would have done, it just seems like common courtesy to me,this is not a far flung all around the world board-these people are neighbors basically!

    Why post those ads knowing I would see them and wonder why they weren't using O? Why not the courtesy of a brief email to me? Am I out of line here expecting this?
  2. I think maybe it was awkward for them to contact you. The first family didn't think she had enough experience with infants, I get that. Maybe they didn't want to hurt your feelings. The 2nd family says she blew them off, but maybe the woman didn't get the message, or maybe O really did stand them up. Also, they may not want to talk to you about it because O is your son's girlfriend, and they might think you're biased.

    I personally think you did your job, which was hooking up O with potential families, and after that your involvement ends. At that point it begins with O and the families.
  3. Maybe they have a negative impression of O and you (no offense) because of O's lack of performance and not showing up? Also, what did the ad that you posted say about her? If there was anything about her being highly experienced and punctual in the ad, maybe they felt that you lied and did not want to deal directly with you anymore. Although you helped her, maybe O unintentionally made you look bad...
  4. Yeah, this bothers me a lot about people...their lack of honesty and being scared of confrontation. I think that's the issue, not their lack of consideration. It's not like you're gonna slit your wrists if they tell you O isn't what they're looking for..jeez! Just step up and say what you feel in the nicest way possible.
  5. ^^Just for the record, no, I never said in the ad that she was highly experienced, I only said that she has watched my 6 year old and he likes her very much (which is true). I also did say she was reliable, which, IMO, is true.

    After speaking to O today, O told me she did indeed leave the 2nd woman a message saying she was sick, i wrote the 2nd woman back telling her this-she just now checked her cell phone and heard it!!
  6. Since the second woman didn't get O's message up until now she probably had a negative impression of O (and you, for recommending her). I agree with Lori here. After you introduced them, the dialog would have to be between O and the others. After all, you are not O's mom in which case some explanation may have been thought of as being necessary.

    I think it is okay to maybe ask the women what happened if you met face to face, but I don't think it is necessary to email or make a big issue of it.

    If the women had contacted you first and said they were not availing themselves of O's services anymore, you may then have thought that they were being accusatory about your recommending O - who was not suitable - to them.
  7. I hope you weren't offended by what I said. I've tried to help someone before only to be made to look bad...that's where I was coming from. It just sounds like they were two women with bad manners. It would have been nice if they had contacted you before posting new ads.
  8. ^^No-trust me-not offended at all! I appreciate what you said!
  9. I think you are expecting too much from these people. For whatever reason, they weren't happy with her. They don't owe you anything. It it was a business transaction.
  10. Normally, I agree, but I think in this case, since they're in the same neigborhood, something would have been nice.
  11. I think this is along the lines of the thank you notes thread. I, like you, would have emailed first before posting another ad..But, people these days are way to inconsiderate or 'busy' as they like to put it.
  12. I agree with this. Perhaps they didn't want to hurt your feelings...but of course the ads went up anyways. Alot of people hate confrontation, which is made more difficult especially if they like you. Its much harder to say to a friend that O didn't work out then to someone they don't know.
  13. I think people were either busy, didn't think it was a huge deal, or felt uncomfortable to tell you. They may not have wanted to hurt your feelings- knowing that O is a close member to your family... they just figured you wouldn't confront them about it :shrugs:

    Don't take it to heart- it may have just been their own insecurities with the situation

    And the gal should be checking her phone if she has appointments coming!
  14. Sound like for some reason they did not like or wanted to use O and probably were uncomfortable telling you. I would not take is personally. You did your best in trying to help her and I am sure there are other people out there that will be happy with her.
    Hope all is well.... How much snow do you thing we are going to get?