In a murderous rage. Well, sort of.

  1. I've been with my boyfriend for about seven months now. Things are going great, except for two little things.

    1. He was a bartender for two years between high school and college (he's 4 years older than I, by the way; he's 25 and I'm 21), and I think it's a widely-known/accepted fact that it's easy for bartenders to 'get some'. Sometimes he tells me about his bartending days, and more specifically about the numerous girls he slept with and the things they did to/with him, and that makes me uncomfortable.

    OK, I lied. It makes me effing mad :mad:. And not to mention bloody inadequate.

    2. His last serious girlfriend of about 2 years or so cheated on him last year, and they broke up in the summer, a few months before we started dating. He says they've ceased talking to each other, but I just discovered that he still has something like 15,000 photos of her/them in his computer.

    OK, I lied too. Probably like 450 photos :evil:. And bear in mind that I've gotten rid of every single photo of my own ex.

    Am I being too sensitive/rigid/insecure? I don't want to tell him that his talking about his past 'conquests' drives me nuts, and I don't want to tell him that I don't really like him having that many photos of his ex in his computer (first of all he doesn't know that I know, because I happened to spot the folder when he opened his Windows Explorer). But I can't get the uneasiness to go away.

    Isn't it so that if you don't want to be reminded of something, you'll get rid of everything that reminds you of it? Or is it just me?
     
  2. you should probably talk to him about it...if you can't bring it up directly, try mentioning other people instead...e.g. 'my co-workers are depressing. I can't believe X is still dating Y, everytime I hear him he's just talking about his old sexcapades. she must feel really crappy about it' (make up people if you have to)...
    but I don't see how your relationship could ever grow if you can't confront this problem now...and if he refuses to changes, maybe you shouldn't stay with him. you know?
     
  3. EWwwwww that's gross.

    He's disrespecting you big time. Don't let the age difference fool you - my boyfriend is 31, I'm 24 and we NEVER say that sort of stuff to each other. Nasty.

    ;)
     
  4. i would want every trace of that woman (and his past) gone....but i'm the jealous type :weird: and seriously can't stand the thought of my boyfriend with another girl (which sucks since all his friends are pretty girls).....but i agree with the other posters that your boyfriend is disrespecting you big time by constantly bringing up his past exploits (and acting like an adolescent teenager for somebody who's 25......he shoudl be over his "look at all the people i slept with" phase)........

    since you've been together for 7 months, i think you should mention to him that the photos bother you in a subtle way that woudln't make him think you were snooping or anything...maybe mention it indirectly by saying something like i'd hate it if a guy i was dating had pictures of his ex-girlfriend everywhere....not really sure how to go about it since i've been with my bf for 5 years so i'm pretty blunt with him.....:oh:
     
  5. he should be telling you in detail about the sexual things he's done with other girls. that's disrespectful, not to mention gross.

    and there's no reason to keep hundreds of photos of an ex. i'd be uncomfortable keeping one. my boyfriend has a few, and even those bother me a little.

    i think y'all need to have a little chit chat. your concerns are not unwarranted.
     
  6. I think he has issues. Don't feel like you're the one with the problem. Talk it out with him.
     
  7. It's one thing to talk to other guys about his past experience but it's another to tell you about them. I mean he doesn't really have to prove himself to you and if it makes you uncomfortable then that's worse... I don't really have any suggestions but I hope something works out.
     
  8. Wow, he must be really insecure! If he has to tell you what old lovers did, there is something wrong with him; like he is probably afraid of you - in the aspect he doesn't feel he's good enough for you. So he has to make himself "look" better by relaying old encounters.

    I've know quite alot of bartenders and one in particular fits the same mold. and my first reaction would be "if he is talking about what she did with/to him, what's he telling people about what I do with him?

    You need to talk to him, and quick. Before you invest any more time with him. Voice you concerns right now! Believe me, I speak from experience. If he doesn't listen to you, or tries to scold you, consider ending it. Sorry to be blunt and no nastyness intended, but it could be horrible for you in the coming years. And tell him you want the pictures off the computer!

    If he cares about you, he will do what it takes to relieve your worries. Good luck!
     
  9. I had an ex who used to talk about other women constantly...it is just soooo inconsiderate. Don't stand for it. It wasn't until my DH that I realized how horrible it made me feel just because my DH is so the opposite. You deserve better, believe me when I tell you that.
     
  10. Agreed.
     
  11. I know what you mean yeux :sad: My guy only has 2 pictures of his ex on his computer, but it drives me nuts! I've never asked that he get rid of them, but I already know he wouldn't. Plus she has a myspace with lots of pictures and he's gone on it a couple times. Ugh! X_x

    About the getting rid of things that remind you, I'm weird I guess, I've always kept everything from my past relationships. As time has gone by though, they dont really hurt to look at anymore.
     
  12. yeuxhonnetes--

    I agree with the other girls--if he's telling you about his past trysts, he really doesn't care about how he's making you feel (after all, who would be comfortable hearing that??) and that's inconsiderate and disrespectful. It makes me think that he's missing something in this relationship with you, and he's telling you because he's trying to relive the "good old days." You should sit down and tell him that he's making you feel bad and that you don't like it when he talks about his sex history. If he says you're being unreasonable or jealous, take it as a sign that he's a loser and free yourself.

    About the pictures of his ex: NO WAY! I really can't believe that. There's no reason for those pictures to still be there unless he wants to/is hopeful about getting back together with his ex. Totally unacceptable. You would be well within your rights to delete every single one of those pictures and empty the trash bin and tell him that it was the right thing to do because they never should have been there in the first place. Idiot! Sometimes you learn the deepest, darkest parts of your significant others by snooping. I hate to say it, but the only way I confirmed my suspicious that my ex was cheating on me was to steal his email password and monitor it. It paid off, I have no regrets and I am finally happy with a wonderful guy who respects me and loves me more than anything in this whole world!

    What a jerk. Dump at once. You (and all girls!) deserve so much better than that!!!
     
  13. Everyone's given great advice.

    A man who respects you and your feelings should never talk about his past 'conquests', unless you ask you about it (whereby he should just be honest and straightforward). There should never be a comparison.

    Keeping pictures etc of an ex around is just strange. I can understand it she's in group pictures and the pictures are in old photo albums, but keeping hundreds in a file on his personal computer is just wierd.

    Talk to him about how you feel, and if he truly cares about you and respects you, he will make some changes. If not, it's better you realise how he feels about you now then later.

    Best wishes, and big hugs coming your way.
     
  14. Talking about his past sexcapades is just plain gross and disrespectful. Next time, you could jokily go "Ewwww, thanks. I'm not going about telling you my past exploits"

    About the pictures, you should talk to him about it. There may be a legit reason of keeping pictures of his relationship with her. Unless they're portraits of her, they might be holiday snaps or whatever that he wanted to keep.
     
  15. i think one of my biggest problems is that i hate being confrontational, because there are people who'll give you the what's-the-big-deal look and make you feel like an idiot.

    i know i should say something, and soon. when he brings up something about his past exploits or ex-girlfriend, i guess that's when i'll say it.