I thought she was my friend?? Advice?

  1. Hi All, I was hoping for some advice on someone who I thought was my friend. Here is the short version..

    We have been like best friends for about 3 - 4 years. We have committed to taking a vacation together (planned and paid for months ago), and she is a major investor in my new business venture. But lately, little by little, things are changing.

    As time passes, every time we hang out together we have lots of uncomfortable silences and it's almost as if she tries to subtly insult me. For example, she will comment about my self esteem, my body, the way I act, the way I think, almost everything!!! She even made several VERY hurtful comments about my past relationship that brought me to tears. But I didn't cry in front of her but she has to be crazy not to realize how cruel and vicious she comments are.

    Yesterday we were supposed to meet for drinks very close to my place and I took a nap since I was tired (she didn't know it) and she went to the bar with someone else (knowing I literally live 20 feet away and we had plans). She would normally call me from the place but she didn't bother. Today at the gym she mentioned it but made a pathetic excuse about it. Then, after a very silent brunch, she felt to need to let me know that she is "funny, smart and beautiful". Why oh why?? She has been tooting her own horn like this for months. She claims I have self issues, but to me, if you have to constantly brag about yourself, then I think that is a sign of issues as well.

    Anyway, since I lost 30 lbs in these last 6 months, I think she secretly hates my guts now. Because now is when she takes all those cheap shots at me. She is overweight herself but I never, ever say anything about her or the way she looks. I am so confused on what to do and how to handle this. I asked her last month if she hates me for some reason, but she said, no! So, I hate this, it's killing me and seems like nothing to her. I can't handle this abuse anymore. WTH is happening???

    Any advice? I could sure use some. :sad2: :sad2: :sad2:
     
  2. She is nOT your friend...LOSE HER FAST! You dont need a friend who insults you...there are plenty of nice people out there....Good Luck! I am sorry this happened to you!
     
  3. not to seem harsh but i would drop her as a friend.......imho i think she's just jealous that you've lost all this weight and look fabulous whereas she hasn't.......maybe she's the type of person who just can't be happy for others (even close friends).....seems like as long as you were overweight with her and shared in her misery she was happy, but she can't stand to see u looking good and outshining her..........i'm the last person to be giving advice like this since i'm a total pushover but if i had any guts at all i'd stop speaking to her (but i coudln't cuz again no guts at all :worried:smile:.......but i think it's great that you've lost so much weight and you really shouldn't let someone like that get you down......
     
  4. Thank you Jill! You are too sweet! Sadly I am stuck for this upcoming vacation and stuck in the business venture. *cries* :sad2:
     
  5. You dont have to hang out with her on the vacation....Just make it clear to her that you are gonna do your own thing..Maybe she will clean up her mouth and behave!!
     
  6. Thank you so much for your advice! :biggrin: I do think I need to get rid of her as well but I am stuck in the 2 situations with her. I think after the vacation I will have to make major changes about her. Geez..I can't believe I have a friend like this, I was crying for hours after brunch today after I got home. :mad:
     
  7. I will try and go my way as much as possible but it's a cruise and we share a room. Yikes! :cry:
     
  8. Sorry you are in this situation. Advice I would give has already been given. Thankfully the ship is large and there are plenty of things to do! Try and enjoy your vacation the best you can and try telling her to use the cabin to get ready for dinner first maybe you will have a little peace!
     
  9. You'd find better friends if you got rid of her, but I think you should tell her how she made you feel before you end the friendship. Maybe she didn't know. Maybe, just maybe, you're a little sensitive.
     
  10. Sounds like you broke the code when you said you lost weight and she is overweight. You're threatening her. It's her problem. It's sad to lose someone but . . . .the relationship has become toxic. Time to move on.
     
  11. She's jealous and an emotional bully (without meaning to offend, of course)
    Ever heard the saying that bullies are the victims?
    Bullies make themselves feel better by picking at others self-esteem and lowering it until the 'victim' feels totally belittled.

    I would suggest you sit her down and have a word with her - how the things she is saying are affecting you and how she has really hurt your feelings....she may not even know that she has hurt your feelings, however, my guess is she does know and that's why she continues her self-praise so blatantly.

    If you talk to her and explain things from your POV, at least you will know where you stand with regard to any future as friends - and so will she!

    Better off alone in the long run, i say. xx
     
  12. You've outgrown her. Is there anyone who can buy her place on the holiday off her? And it sounds like the weight thing is the trigger, it's not you per se - she's just jealous and trying to get at you.

    I feel for you, good luck!

    Cx
     
  13. I would ditch her too.. she just sounds like she's trying to make you feel bad to cover up her own insecurities. Sometimes people are mean to others and try to bring them down simply because they're jealous and want to make themselves look better.

    I'm sorry you're stuck on a vacation AND a business venture with her :sad: Maybe if you confront her outright and tell her that while you value her friendship, you don't understand why she's been so rude and snarky to you lately (provide some specific examples so she knows exactly when and where she did this) it can smooth things over. And if she STILL doesn't apologize or continues to act this way you can just write her off completely. Longstanding friendships are hard to cut off, but sometimes people change so much that it's totally not worth putting up with the emotional trauma.

    Hope everything works out okay for you! :o)
     
  14. You don't deserve this kind of abuse, I get treated better by strangers. I would ask her again on why she has a stick up her a**!...and tell her exactly what you have told us, word for word. She really needs to know that how much hurt and pain she has caused you...especially because she is SUPPOSE to be your bestfriend! What happen to the love, encouragement and support part of your friendship, she should be proud and happy for you that you have gotten into a healthier lifestyle!...but instead it seems like she is very envious and jealous! I had experienced this same situation when I was younger, I had lost a tremendous amount of weight (old friends didn't even recognize me!). Most of my full figured friends slowly stop calling me, I realized they thought I also changed emotionally, when in fact all the pain and hurt from being overweight was still inside me.
     
  15. Lose her fast, she's become dead weight (obvious puns not intended). It's obvious she has issues because you're now different from her and that's disturbing to her.

    You don't have to hang out with her on your holiday and need to start looking into alternatives for your business venture. She is not going to be a friend to you and will take any opportunity to sink you if she can. Be very wary of your financial dealings with her. Do not be afraid to break away from her.