I need to vent!...

  1. I am not really mad or anything, but what my guy friend told me today really bothers me and makes me sad...

    I was really busy this quarter with school (and I've been flying to Atlanta almost every week) that I haven't seen this friend lately. He just saw me last weekend since the beginning of the spring quarter. And today we had chat on the phone.

    He made a comment that goes like this:

    "If you are so busy and tired this quarter, how come you are not getting any thinner? You still look pretty chubby to me when I saw you last weekend" (or at least that's what I heard/remember now) Btw, he only saw my face while I was in the car, driving.

    I have a lot of people who said that I look thinner this quarter, as I was tired (under a lot of pressure in school and with my new business and everything) and I had a problem with my kidney.

    I mean I don't think I'm overweight. I wear usually a size 26 jeans, sz 2 top and pants, size 0 jacket and skirt. So I'm regular size, at least for Asian I'm regular (but I feel more to the fat side). I have to admit I don't have a stellar body image, as I was overweight as a child and I have been dieting since I was in elementary school. But since high school, I've been having a 'normal' weight, and I have been losing a few pounds in college.

    What he said really brings me down. I have this round Asian face which I hate. So no matter how thin I am, my face is going to be round and I'm still going to be 'chubby'. I don't know. I hate the fact that sometimes people can be so insensitive. I mean he's a great friend, who say what he thinks.

    I wish he's more like my boyfriend, who compliment one of our close girl friend even though she doesn't look like she's losing weight or keep his mouth shut if she's putting a few more pounds. I mean my boyfriend is really being sensitive about this and he knows it. Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut then really say what you meant.

    I hate the fact that his simple comment really bothers me... Why is it that what a guy say to me really affects me? Oh I hate this.. I hate the issue of fat/thin.... Sometimes I wish females are not under this much of pressure from the public. I mean please don't judge us from the outside. I hate when people judge us from our looks, but they do and I'm fully aware about this.
  2. Dosent sound like much of a friend to me.
  3. DO NOT LET HIM GET TO U! I agree that he does not seem like a really good friend. I am asian too with round face and I know what you mean. No matter how thin you think is "normal" your face will always be round and the round face is a feature that I hate to say may make you look bigger, again I know.

    Compared to me, you are stellar! I am currently wear a size 30 or 31 jeans and I'm 5'2''. I get it from my family all the time that I'm fat and even in pics my face looks bloated b/c it's so round.

    I know a lot of asian girls are tiny and it's hard to be asian sometimes with so many other asian girls so small and that is what my family judges me on b/c they're all skinny too.

    But don't let your guy friend bring you down! No asian girl or any girl looks the same figure wise!!
  4. Thanks Munchkyn!.. Your comment really helps me.. I think nobody should tell anyone that a girl is fat.. after all each of us is special in our own way ;)
  5. No problem, I hope you feel better! It is so easy to reassure someone else but when it comes down to yourself it's hard to take your own advice:p
  6. i know it sucks when ppl r so irresponsible with those words.. that's the time that it's better to think of how u will not be affected by them.. as long as u like who u r, then just ignore those whose words do not mean a thing.. just smile and smile...
  7. That was a very insensitive comment - and you say this is a good friend? Maybe he is just feeling left out and mad at you because you haven't had much time for him lately. He probably said that just because he was angry and wanted to get it off his chest - and went for any comment he knew would hurt you, without mening any of it. If you were to talk to him and explain how hurt you are, and how bad this random comment made you feel, he would probably be sorry he said it. Your weight and size are totally Ok - and the fact that he only saw your face proves that what he said was not based on fact, but on his desire to vent his anger.

    Maybe you should just talk to him and explain how you feel, and point out that comments about weight are extremely rude & hurtful. He is probably going to be totally surprised that his comment made you feel so bad - he might have forgotten the whole thing as soon as he said it.

    Good luck and hope you can sort this out with him & feel better soon!
  8. It's strange that we hear comments like this when we're really exhausted and stressed. It's like it's life's funny way of testing our patience a bit further....don't let this get to you! The angrier you get, the more importance you give to his worthless comment. Forget it! Life's beautiful and asian women are beautiful.
  9. Exactly.
  10. I concur!
  11. if he feels like you haven't been spending time with him, he probably took the cowards way out and said it just to hurt you and get back at you - you def need to sit down and have a little convo with him if you two are going to remain friends, because he's acting like a 4 year old.
  12. Just out of curiosity, was your "friend" asian too? Not to make stereotypes, but I had an asian guy friend in grad school who made a similar comment to me. I was way too thin (basically anorexic at the time) but he commented that, compared to the asian girls he normally dated, I was still pretty heavy. Of course, most asian girls that I knew at the time were tiny...but it still seemed like a totally insensitive thing to say. (I'm not asian myself). It was very warped.

    Your dress and jeans sizes are obviously some of the tiniest sizes that they even make, so I would just assume that this guy is being a major jerk.
  13. There are a few things I want to tell you about this...

    First of all, your pant size and top size is MORE than fine. That is an amazing size that many women would DREAM and KILL for. But if you are not secure with your size, then it may not matter what size you are because you feel bigger than you actually are. Just telling you that those sizes are really tiny!!

    Second, this friend either has no tact, was trying to get back to you, or seriously does not know better. Who is he to judge or say something like that?! You didn't ask for that opinion and he did not need to give it. It was not like you looked way too thin and he was worried, or way overweight to the point of a health hazard that he had to worry- so why did he say this? Do you mind if I ask if he is American, white, etc? I find that some cultures approach things differently... either way you need to talk to him IMO. It will make you feel better. Like I said earlier, if you are insecure with your size, his comment will send you over the edge. I had a guy tell me the other day that I looked bigger in this picture I showed him of me. The picture was only taken 5 days prior so that really hurt me too- and I told him that was mean and his response was "I'm just being honest. You look bigger in that picture" That was also hurtful to me...

    Lastly, you need to surround yourself with positive people and people who don't drag you down! Not to get all sentimental and emotional, but Vlad is so sweet to me it is amazing. If I put on a few extra pounds he tells me how much he loves my curves. It is the same with my family and true friends... they would never say something like that to me. So if there is no cultural etc difference, then you need to be aware that this is how that friend is and maybe he isn't as good of a friend as you thought...

    Keep in mind, you must love yourself first!!!! :flowers: :heart:
  14. ^ Agree 100% with Megs.......You dont need "friends " like that...seriously.....None of my friends would EVER say anything like that to me,EVER........And Girl..I would KILL to be a size 2!! LOL!
  15. agree again w/ megs, listen to her. This guy is nuts. I wish I hadn''t listened to the freak that spoke that way to me. YOU ARE TINY!!!!! Most would kill to be your size.