I need hugs, ladies...

  1. I've been so excited to spend time with my SIL and FIL... All was well until my SIL confided something to me. She said my MIL and FIL do not acknowldge me as their DIL. :crybaby: It's infuriating and so depressing because I thought they've welcomed me into the family already. They were nice to me and I showed nothing but kindness to them. It hurts even more because now I realize that it was all for show. After all the sacrifices and the things I've gone through for their son--this is what I get in return.

    Now my problem is they'll be here for the next 2 months. How can I make it through without snapping at them?
     
  2. I'm just so depressed that I can't function today... My head is throbbing and I don't feel like eating. I'm pissed but I'm to drained to even show any emotion.

    sorry if I'm rambling... i just dont know what to do
     
  3. OMG.. I am so sorry. DO you think your SIL is being honest? I mean you said they were nice to you. Why would they put on a show? Well....... that's just tough for them because you ARE their DIL and there's nothing they can do about it! Do you like them? Cheer up Mags don't let it get you down!!!
     
  4. I don't quite get it. Did your SIL explain any further than that? Is it possible that your SIL is jealous or has some sort of ulterior motive? So sorry to hear of your situation, btw...
     
  5. ^^ITA. I think you need to dig a little bit deeper and fnd out more. It's suspicious the way your SIL is telling you this.

    Plus, your ILs will be staying with you for 2 months. Do you think they will stay that long if they didn't like you? I say, hold your breath until you find out the truth. At the moment, it is all speculation.

    Sending you lots of {{{hugs}}}. Don't be sad, we're all here for you. :heart:
     
  6. I felt something was up even before they came because DH received an email from his Uncle.. At the end of the e-mail, it read-Say hi to your girlfriend for me... I was confused why they would refer to me as just the girlfrend when DH and I have been married for 5 years already! Yes we eloped but that was our decision! I just don't understand all this. I feel terrible for me and my daughter.:crybaby:
     
  7. Hey Mags, i'm sorry to hear about that but is your SIL trustworthy? are you guys on good terms and is there a reason she'd want to hurt you by saying this? it's just a little strange. i guess if i were your well intentioned SIL, i wouldn't tell you this bc this will only hurt you....

    it must be tough. maybe you should talk to your husband about it or talk to the ILs while they are there. You know just so you know whether it's actually true and what it is that they object to. you have obviously been good to them and your husband. what more do they want?

    big hugs [​IMG]
     

  8. SIL says it's because I'm not Chinese.. it's that BS culture thing again!:cursing:
     
  9. Inlaws are hard to deal with. I wasn't accepted by mine for TEN YEARS- because my husband and I lived together without being married. Once we got married, they treat me like gold. How messed up is THAT?

    All I can say to you is that you should never allow ANYONE else to determine your self worth. You have a totally clean conscience about how you've treated these people. They don't. Be glad that's not your burden to bear and you can wake up every day and look in the mirror and feel good about how you've behaved. Continue to kill them with kindness for that reason alone.
     
  10. She really is trustworthy... I talked to DH about this before.. As I mentioned, after reading the e-mail from his uncle refering to me as the girlfriend, I became suspicious. DH says he'll talk to them about it but I begged him to do it when they're no longer here. I hate confrontations because I know I'll be saying things that would only complicate thing. I just can't believe I was right all along.
     
  11. Thank you, ROo! I'm trying to hold back tears while reading this... I don't want them to see me crying...:sad:
     
  12. You know what? I'd consider this a gift. I would personally much rather know what I'm dealing with, then to be completely unaware of the truth. There is power in knowing the truth and on some levels it can be very liberating.
     
  13. I have been through the anger and feelings of rejection too. I got to watch my inlaws treat my husband's psychotic ex wife like gold for years, while they completely ignored and disrespected him (and us). What made it even worse was when we finally married in 2006 after ten years together, suddenly I'm their best friend. I am nice to them like I always was, but emotionally, I feel nothing for them as people and neither does my husband.

    I must also classify this by saying that my father in law has always treated me wonderfully and so did his wife, (now deceased) my husband's stepmom. (Mr Roo's bio mom died in 1990 so I never met her) My husband's sisters, however, are the ones that totally ostracized me.
     
  14. Now it all makes sense why his mom's friends are still doing that matchmaking crap. I think it's Chinese tradition... The parents pick who you'll marry. It's BS if you ask me.
     
  15. Good luck with your situation... My sister & I have both had to deal with scenarios like this, ours were different from each others - but in the end time and the way you handle it will make it better then it is now... Just try to be as composed about it as possible... I know the "culture" thing is a tough stigma to get over.

    My sister choose to marry someone from a different culture and it was REVERSE from your situation... Not only were my parents (esp. my mom) not accepting of the other individual - they weren't accepting of my SISTER!! My mom didn't talk to my sister for about 1 year after they got married & had a baby... My mom wasn't even at her first granddaughter's FIRST BIRTHDAY party... Mind you there were alot of other things going on around this time. (My mom & dad had just completed a HUGE Fiasco of a divorce and were in a custody battle for me at the time.)

    Things got better over time, and now my sister & mom have a pretty good relationship - and my mom has a good relationship with her granddaughters, which I feel is a VERY IMPORTANT thing... They have accepted my sister's husband and now he is a part of the family... unfornuately, I can tell you that things have settled out especially over the past couple years, and that they've been married for 12 years now.... So it takes time.

    In my situation, my FIL wasn't very approving of me, not because of a culture thing, but simply because... well, I'm female. He doesn't really hold many females in high regard, and I think I carried a bit too many traits as my MIL (they are also divorced)... so my FIL saw me as the same mistake HE had made many, many moons prior... I'm from a slightly diff culture then my FIL, but I don't think that made any impact - other then what he thought the outcome would be (because I'm the same "culture" as his ex-wife).

    I can tell you that at first, I was VERY angry... I didn't understand why he "didn't like me", and would usually end up crying after every family event or whenever he would come over... It's gotten better lately though... I've started standing up for myself if he says deragatory (sp?) things towards "females", and I think he's getting the idea that I am NOT the same person as my MIL, and that I will be sticking around... (SHE left them, not the usual scenario of the other way around...) Anyhow, I am hoping with time, that situation will keep getting better and better... because I love getting our families together and I don't like side situations to take away from otherwise lovely events...

    Good luck with your situation!! I hope that it gets better over time. Know that you have a friend in your SIL, and hopefully she can play some role in showing the in-laws that we are ALL human beings... and should be treated as such. :flowers: