I cant get along with my mother....

[merika]

I had a friend who's mom had her when she was young - about 17 or so. My friend's mom loved her daughter and they were a lot like sisters. In fact they looked like sisters and were often mistaken for sisters. My friend too married straight out of high school and now has a child of her own. She says her relationship with her mother changed dramatically when she had a child. Instead of being supportive (like most mothers are) her mom got kind of distant and unhappy, and angry. My friend persuaded her mom to come for some counselling with her, and after some time it came to light that the mother did NOT want to be older - grow older, I mean. Having a grandchild was sort of 'being old' whereas her own children could be passed off as her sisters but the grandchild made her aware that she was getting older. She didn't even want the kid to say 'grandma' but some other name that was like her first name!

My friend and her mom are getting along, but are really not close anymore. She's sad, but can't do much about it.

 

[socalgrl86]

I had a friend who's mom had her when she was young - about 17 or so. My friend's mom loved her daughter and they were a lot like sisters. In fact they looked like sisters and were often mistaken for sisters. My friend too married straight out of high school and now has a child of her own. She says her relationship with her mother changed dramatically when she had a child. Instead of being supportive (like most mothers are) her mom got kind of distant and unhappy, and angry. My friend persuaded her mom to come for some counselling with her, and after some time it came to light that the mother did NOT want to be older - grow older, I mean. Having a grandchild was sort of 'being old' whereas her own children could be passed off as her sisters but the grandchild made her aware that she was getting older. She didn't even want the kid to say 'grandma' but some other name that was like her first name!

My friend and her mom are getting along, but are really not close anymore. She's sad, but can't do much about it.

OMG that is EXACTLY what my mom and I am going through. She had me at 14..(yes...14!) and we look so much alike and we are ALWAYS being mistaken for sisters. I mean, when i was in the ER for the injuries from my accident on Monday she was so excited because the DR couldnt believe she waas my mom. I mean, come on. And yes, my mom fears getting old and I wish she would act more like a grandmother....augh. oh well.

 

[Bagluvluv]

Im so sorry to hear that your Mom is so aggressive and hurtful!!!!!!!!

I have an almost non-existent relationship with my mom...and its because, she takes her emotions and fustration out on me and always is the one to want sympathy and a ear for her sakes....never for me.....

If you can handle the situation, its best...but for me.....it kept keeping me down and the results was totally damaging to my way of thinking and my life in general...and I keep my baby away from her......

I had to cut the relationship to minimal contact....and sadly, she still does not change and never reaches out to me....but, I do have my life back...

Hop the very best for you.....hugs.......

 

[boxermom]

This is so sad. Your mother reminds me of a relative who takes out all her unhappiness on others and just waits for a chance to "go off" on others. You can't change her; you can only try to change your own circumstances. I'll go along with the others who said do whatever you have to and get other living arrangements, even if college takes longer. This is a toxic environment for you and your baby.

Best wishes.

 

[missmustard]

I'm sorry that you had to endure this situation, but I firmly believe you should make an effort to move out. You mention you have a child, and this certainly isn't the most suitable environment to grow up in. The extent that the problem between you and your mum has reached is NOT HEALTHY.

Please consider the idea of finding a place of your own. Your mental and physical health are above paying rent.

 

[Kiss Me Deadly]

I agree with most of the posts, try your hardest for you and your DH to move out with the kids! After reading your other family drama (mother in law stories), im so sorry that your own mother is giving you such a hard time.

Ask your dad for a loan even...

 

[bubbleliciousis]

good grief... she was in the Er, you were injured, and she had the frame of mind to be excited that the Doc "couldn't believe" she was your mom??? SIgh....


Do you think she would go get counseling with you like Merika's friend did with her mom? Would it help if your kid called her by her first name instead of grandma?

Other than counseling and moving out, it seems like everything else would just be a superficial fix and she doesn't realy get how she's suppose to treat her daughter and things she's NOT suppose to do. sigh...

Hey, many of us mentioned about moving out. is that possible? even to the dorms? or a small studio apt? borrowing from your dad is a good idea too... i think you need your sanity =)


you may think you're ok staying with her and putting up with her but i don't think you realize how much stress it really is and the negative impact on u and ur kid.

My family has always been a mess. and i don't remember alot from my baby/kiddy days BUT surprisingly i remember very well my grandparents and my mom having an argument and screaming and yelling was involved and my mom was holding me. and that together with all the family nonsense has definitely had it's impact on my parents and on my development and emotional well being over the years.

so please try all you can to get you and your family some sanity=) HUGS

OMG that is EXACTLY what my mom and I am going through. She had me at 14..(yes...14!) and we look so much alike and we are ALWAYS being mistaken for sisters. I mean, when i was in the ER for the injuries from my accident on Monday she was so excited because the DR couldnt believe she waas my mom. I mean, come on. And yes, my mom fears getting old and I wish she would act more like a grandmother....augh. oh well.

 

[anufangava]

I agree with what the members posted. Your fights with your mom has turned physical and at the way things are going, I think in time, this will even escalate. Everyone is bombarded with all kinds of pressure, and living in an environment with so much hatred and tension, is it worth the rent you are saving now? Like what the others are saying, move out.

 

[wordbox]

How awful!

Here's my take on it... first of all, I think you need to try your absolute hardest to get out of there. It is not a healthy environment to be living in, and you need to put yourself and your family first. I know it might be easier said than done, but there's got to be a way. Get an efficiency, studio, or 1 bedroom apartment if you have to.

Once you are out, stay away from her for awhile. Cut contact and keep your space until everyone can settle down. You need a break from her and that situation.

Then you can start to try mending ties with her. Maybe she needs to seek help from a professional? But that's something to focus on later, after you take care of yourself first.

Good luck!

 

[venetiakim]

Maybe put some handbag money towards renting a place? That sounds like an awful time for your entire family. Maybe it's worth it to pay rent but have peace and quiet, plus the freedom of your own apartment.

ITA
I'm so sorry things are like this...I know how that feels because I live with my parents and don't really get along with my mother either...But I can't do othyerwise since I don't have a big income so as to move out...

 

[Laneige]

What world are you living in? Are you saying that a mother has the right to physically hit and mentally rebuke their child for the mere sake that they are "the mother"? Wow!! I would hate to be your daughter.

well, u dont have to be so harsh in yr reply. i wouldnt want u as my daughter either.

well, i believe that kids should always respect their parents and should be grateful to them for the upbringing. without them, there's not even an 'you'. anyway, i think the mother has become a mother way too early. thus, she is still trying to adapt, even until now. she must have face and gone through a lot of stressful days to bring up a daughter since young. maybe she is seeing u as her reflection now and thus get angry with u. try to talk to her if possible. it seem that the most appropriate way to get things improved is to improve yr own life first.

 

[envyme]

well, u dont have to be so harsh in yr reply. i wouldnt want u as my daughter either.

well, i believe that kids should always respect their parents and should be grateful to them for the upbringing. without them, there's not even an 'you'. anyway, i think the mother has become a mother way too early. thus, she is still trying to adapt, even until now. she must have face and gone through a lot of stressful days to bring up a daughter since young. maybe she is seeing u as her reflection now and thus get angry with u. try to talk to her if possible. it seem that the most appropriate way to get things improved is to improve yr own life first.

#1) You were harsh in your initial response to socal. You are judging her without knowing her experiences.
#2) You are harsh in this response. How the f*ck do you know that she is not trying to improve her life. Why the hell do you think she is sacrificing her happiness by living with her mother to complete her education? Again, you are being judgmental.
#3) The respect that is received is the respect that is reciprocated. No matter if you are the mother, father, surrogate, whatever!
#4) SoCal has been here longer than you. Her posts have been positive and sincere. You are judgmental and negative. Drop the negativity and I will drop my harsh responses to your comments.Take it how you like! Maybe you are not use to being challenged. I say, bring it!!!

Lately, I have seen a lot of judgmental and negative responses to threads. It makes for a hostile environment.

 

[NELLYBEAN]

i live at home too. im turning 22 and my mom treats me like im 16. she doesnt drive and i have to be her caddy. its really anoying especially when i wanna hang with my bf. she critisizes everything i do and always compares me to others. we have butted heads for a long time. my bf is going to NY for a wedding and i wanted to go with him, but im not allowed because we arent married is what she says. she says she isnt old fashioned but i think otherwise. she thinks im to wild and expects me to be home at 10pm. i want to move out and be free but i'm economically challanged

 

[jenarae]

i live at home too. im turning 22 and my mom treats me like im 16. she doesnt drive and i have to be her caddy. its really anoying especially when i wanna hang with my bf. she critisizes everything i do and always compares me to others. we have butted heads for a long time. my bf is going to NY for a wedding and i wanted to go with him, but im not allowed because we arent married is what she says. she says she isnt old fashioned but i think otherwise. she thinks im to wild and expects me to be home at 10pm. i want to move out and be free but i'm economically challanged

NELLYBEAN I suggest you try reasoning with your mom and try explaining to her that your no longer a 15 year old and she needs to trust you and the decisions you choose to make.

Haha, see you Monday BEAN!

 

[sanity]

So sorry to hear that your mum hit you. It must be really hard on u. Just my school of thoughts n may not be applicable to your case. Maybe, your mum expects u to contribute (could be in $ or in kind) as u & DH n possibly, child are staying there. There are definitely costs and inconveniences involved. Is she looking after your child? Perhaps, she is feeling unappreciated.

Try finding out the real reasons for her action if u can and see if you can resolve that. Try some soul searching too. Maybe it could be due to some unintentional hurt or bottled up frustration.

The last alternative will be to find a place of your own and move out.