Husband has said no more bags:(...

#61
Yeah . . .both partner need to contribute to a successful marriage. What both people thought "I make my own money so I can spend it however I want?" Who takes care of the general expenses? Some guys might be ok with taking care of the whole family financially, but I dont' think it's something that is to be expected and taken for granted. LVpug, if you put your part into the household and didn't have debt, it'd be more understandable to feel like you can spend your money as you like and I'm not sure if that's the case.

I guess it's a personal choice, but I can't believe people on this board are actually advocating leaving the husband/bf because of this. I hope you guys are joking and don't actually view purses as more important than a loving partner . . . :Push: :shrugs:
 
#62
savvyblonde said:
First of all....and this is MY opinion...LADIES...you are not HOOKERS, correct? No one should ever use sex as a bartering tool...that's just wrong. You should enjoy the sex your having with your partner equally.
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I'm glad someone said this, because I kind of wanted to. Denying your husband/boyfriend sex just perpetuates the sexist idea that women don't enjoy it and that it's just something they do to please men. Last time I checked, I enjoy it just as much as my boyfriend does. I really hope that's the case for the rest of the ladies here too.
 
#63
Hmmm...

You've said 'No more handbags!!!'

He's said 'No more handbags!!!'

So you're actually agreeing with each other. You feel the need to go on a purse ban, and he feels that you do too. It seems as though you both know the money could be going towards other things - or that too much money has already been spent.

It seems like you're really angry at the fact that he placed a demand on you - and so appeared controlling. No one likes being told what to do. Marriage should be a partnership between equals - and too often, men try controlling their wives through dominating the money. And I think your instinct to 'spend your money the way you want to' is another way of saying 'I have a right to do what I want.' So I definitely understand your anger.

But try and chat with him - I agree with everyone here, couples should have a clear view of what their shared financial responsibilities and goals are - as well as their recreational desires. It's not the 50s anymore - so I doubt your husband is trying to pull the 'controlling husband' card and is genuinely concerned about the spending because he really cares about the marriage.

It's nothing that can't be worked out :smile:
 
#64
eff said:
I'm glad someone said this, because I kind of wanted to. Denying your husband/boyfriend sex just perpetuates the sexist idea that women don't enjoy it and that it's just something they do to please men. Last time I checked, I enjoy it just as much as my boyfriend does. I really hope that's the case for the rest of the ladies here too.
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This is exactly what I was thinking.

Also, I know I'm going to get slammed for saying this here in TPF, but I have to say it...When is enough enough? I love beautiful handbags, but I love my husband a whole lot more. At some point, we should appreciate and enjoy the bags we have. Hopefully, it's not just about the hunt. Also, marriage is about building a life together, not building a handbag collection in hopes of staying together.:lol:
 
#65
My DH knows better than to rain on my parade. LOL
When he gets mad at me about a bag, I let him vent then I run off to the mall to get even. Hee-hee I'm so deep, aren't I?
 
#66
Buttery said:
This is exactly what I was thinking.

Also, I know I'm going to get slammed for saying this here in TPF, but I have to say it...When is enough enough? I love beautiful handbags, but I love my husband a whole lot more. At some point, we should appreciate and enjoy the bags we have. Hopefully, it's not just about the hunt. Also, marriage is about building a life together, not building a handbag collection in hopes of staying together.:lol:
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No worry about getting slammed from me! :yes: I agree with what you're saying. I've had discussions about my SO regarding bags, and in the end nothing is worth seriously compromising your relationship. For better or for worse, can't take your bags with you to heaven!:P
 
#68
Buttery said:
This is exactly what I was thinking.

Also, I know I'm going to get slammed for saying this here in TPF, but I have to say it...When is enough enough? I love beautiful handbags, but I love my husband a whole lot more. At some point, we should appreciate and enjoy the bags we have. Hopefully, it's not just about the hunt. Also, marriage is about building a life together, not building a handbag collection in hopes of staying together.:lol:
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Very well said, Buttery! I think sometimes it's easy to get our priorities mixed up and that's when it's time to step back and say "Ok, these bags are beautiful and I love them, but they're not going to love me back." I think if it gets to the point where handbags are creating a problem a problem in your relationship(though I don't see it for OP, because she had said herself she was going on a ban :confused1:), then it's time to do some serious reflection and really say enough is enough.
 
#69
chinadoll724 said:
I guess it's a personal choice, but I can't believe people on this board are actually advocating leaving the husband/bf because of this. I hope you guys are joking and don't actually view purses as more important than a loving partner . . . :Push: :shrugs:
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i must be one of the people that you are referring to.
its not only about handbags....
its a matter of principal letting him telling me what to do. i never tell my husband what to do, and he better not tell me what to do.

my hubby has his own thing that he prob loves more than me, which is skiing. if i tell him to stop skiing, he will ignore me and go skiing anyway, so, in the event of him telling me to stop buying handbags... i will ignore him and keep buying :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#70
I've yet to meet a woman that likes being told anything regarding her spending habits.Your husbands demand may seem harse but if your marriage means anything to you its worth having a :heart: to :heart: talk.

His somewhat harsh sounding request may simply be due to a pattern he sees developing that could put your credit at risk down the road.

Goodluck working this out and remember you can't live in a handbag.
 
#71
me_love_purse said:
i must be one of the people that you are referring to.
its not only about handbags....
its a matter of principal letting him telling me what to do. i never tell my husband what to do, and he better not tell me what to do.

my hubby has his own thing that he prob loves more than me, which is skiing. if i tell him to stop skiing, he will ignore me and go skiing anyway, so, in the event of him telling me to stop buying handbags... i will ignore him and keep buying :lol: :lol: :lol:
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I totally agree with you about spouses having their own thing. And I definitely feel that it is wrong to say to someone, "No more handbags." But I also feel that "handbags or no sex!!!" is wrong, too. :lol: Honestly, I'd want to know why my husband felt so strongly about my purchasing habits. I'd definitely take his feelings into consideration. And if necessary, I'd bring up any of his spending habits that made me feel uncomfortable. (Not out of spite, of course.:angel: Yeah, right.:lol: ) But seriously, if both of us are spending and making one another uncomfortable, then perhaps the spending should stop until there's some sort of agreement. And lets be honest...couldn't many of us save a bit more? And how many handbags does one person really need? (*Dodging the flying fruit.*:roflmfao: )
 
#74
Buttery said:
I totally agree with you about spouses having their own thing. And I definitely feel that it is wrong to say to someone, "No more handbags." But I also feel that "handbags or no sex!!!" is wrong, too. :lol:
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I agree it's wrong, but I live with a man who has always had one thing on his mind (well, two, if you include food).

Sometimes sex (or the lack of it) is the only way to get through to him!

Believe me, I have tried every other way. :shrugs:

Even he, himself, has just admitted that he thinks that women should bribe men with sex!!! LOL!!! :lol:

Depriving a man doesn't generally work, but, in my experience, promising an end to the deprivation works like a dream!!! ;)
 
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