How to politely decline, or is it impossible?

  1. Okay, facts of the situation:

    - Best Friend going on a 1 month cruise with her boyfriend (whom I hate, but that's besides the point)

    - Wants to borrow my dresses... Like, not one or two or three, but a lot of them :worried:

    She's not the most careful person in the world and these dresses are NOT cheap. And knowing me, I just know I won't ask her to pay for any dresses she dances to threads/loses/messes up (which she's prone to do as evidenced by past history). I'm also reluctant to have half of my dresses gone for an entire month, during which I have spring break, too.

    She's called a few times asking to come over to grab some dresses and each time I've said I'm busy (which I am really super busy all the time with finals coming up).

    I feel like I've committed to it, so I guess there's no polite way out? I never figured out how to just politely say no to this request because there's no nice way to say to your best friend: "You're clumsy and I'm afraid you'll ruin my dresses and you're keepng them for a month!"

    Thanks, guys... I hope I don't sound like a mega-*****. I'm usually nice about loaning stuff. :sad2:
  2. Yikes, what a horrible situation you're in! I guess I'm a mega-***** too because I would never let any of my friends borrow my pricier stuff, best friend or not, especially if they're known for being clumsy :push:

    Are all the dresses she wants to borrow at home or at the apt? If they're at the apt, tell her that they're a bit dingy and you have to bring them to get dry cleaned when you have time (and then you never found the time!). Or maybe bring them back home one weekend pretending that you're bringing them to the dry cleaners and say the dry cleaners is being a bit slow.. or you're too busy to pick them up.

    If they're at home, say a family member is expecting to go to a big event during the time she has the cruise and doesn't know which dress she wants to borrow so you need them all there for her to choose between. Family before friends ;)

    I hope she stops asking after awhile so you don't have to let her borrow them!
  3. I completely understand. I'm always uneasy about loaning expensive things to friends especially if they are careless. Well, you can tell her she can only borrow 2 or 3 dresses, that you will be using some of them for spring break and can't bear to part with them for a month. You can hide some dresses too, especially the ones you love.:biggrin: Goodluck! She's lucky to have a bestfriend like you.
  4. lol Oh! I didn't even think to hide dresses! I hope she doesn't remember what she's seen me wear and ask for them...!
  5. :lol:
  6. No way. I've never had this happen before since all of my friends are different in size and shape. But I would not be happy loaning out expensive stuff, for a MONTH! I'm OCD when it comes to things like that. And you just can't trust people to give it as much care as you do, especially if she's already known to be clumsy!

    I would maybe loan her two (why doesn't she have dresses btw?) and as for the rest, you can say that the others are either at home, you haven't unpacked yet, hide some like pursegal said, say they're at the cleaners, etc. Just act really confused and be like, "I don't know where I put them...they're probably in some suitcase at home."

    I feel really uncomfortable about borrowing clothing of any kind, unless it's a clubbing top for one night. In my opinion, if you don't have it, then either buy it, or live with the fact that you don't have it. Wow, I sound like a *****.
  7. hehe! You don't sound like a *****! She has dresses but she just wants mine! I do have a lot of dresses. It's not that I can't spare them, it really is just because I *know* something will happen to at least a couple of them and I won't be openly pissed at her just because I'm not like that. Ah well.
  8. ^$#@^%#^&#!!! She has dresses but just wants yours?!?! :wacko: Then why does she even bother getting her own dresses?? Just because you have a lot of dresses doesn't mean that she can pick from the lot of them! Your wardrobe does not equal her wardrobe and this has nothing to do with whether you are able to spare them or not.

    I can't be openly pissed at people either. Well...let's take that back. :p I won't openly say anything or confront anyone, but when I'm unhappy with someone, it tends to show itself in my general behavior. I can't be all cheerful and whatnot to someone who I'm pissed at.

    But yes, two or three at most!! Don't succumb to the pressure!!! Haha.
  9. I agree with you shu, I always figure if I don't have it, I'll just go buy my own... especially if its something I want to be reusing, like perfume. I dunno, I guess not everybody figures it that way!
  10. I think you could tell your friend that you need those dresses for spring break or make a list of borrowable dresses that don't include the fragile or the ones you like best.

    Don't give in to her demands. She didn't pay for them, she should just be grateful if you let her borrow 1.
  11. ^^^So true Perja. And I freely admit I'm a complete ***** when it comes to lending anyone anything - I usually just say I might be using it, can't spare it, etc. The sad thing is is that I never have an issue with borrowing from other people - I think because I know I'll be careful with it, and I don't trust other people to treat my things with as much respect as I treat theirs. So I understand your dilemma completely, but most of my advice consists of telling people to stay away from my things, or give me a down payment in the event of damage, I'm not sure its very helpful. You seem to be a lot more generous than me. ;)
  12. Ugh, tough situation! I hate it when my friends want to borrow my clothes or my bags.. A while back I had a friend who carries some weight in her midsection borrow my favorite top for going out.. it had a little bit of sheer lace in the bottom and it RIPPED.. She never told me either, she was pretending it never happened.. Pissed me off :mad:

    Tell her you want to bring them on your SB trip.. Or let her borrow your least favorites. I don't understand people who do this, I would never ask for such a thing.
  13. Well, my best(est) friend is about the same size (but not the same body shape) so I let her borrow clothes whenever she wants. The only regulations that I have is that she can't borrow anything new (unless it's impulse-will-never-wear buys) and no bags or irreplaceables.
    She knows that I'll go ballistic though if she doesn't give back the stuff in pristine condition. But she is the *only* person allowed to borrow my clothes and accessories.

    Sometimes, we just exchange the stuff we don't want anymore for stuff we want in the other's closet :biggrin:
  14. I would just tell her the truth, if she gets mad and never talks to you again...then she was never a good friend anyway! If you do let her borrow one or two dresses, tell her what the conditions are, if she decides to borrow them. These dresses didn't just fall from a tree...I can't stand people who take advantage of nice, kind people...I wish I was there with you, so I could tell her for you!
  15. haha, Thanks for watching out for me, pursemama!

    She's been my best friend since second grade. I'm sure she wouldn't be pissed or anything, but like I said, there's just no polite way to decline at this point. She'd ask for an explination and then I'd have to be rude!