How To Give The Cat A Pill.....

  1. How To Give A Cat A Pill...

    If you have ever tried to give a cat a pill you know
    how difficult it is. The following instructions are fool proof!

    1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm
    as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
    side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
    holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from under chair. Cradle cat
    in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take a new pill from foil wrap. Cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top
    of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between the knees. Holding front and rear paws, ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set aside for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's head just visible from beneath spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

    9. Check label to make sure that pill is not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10.Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with spoon, flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call the fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from garage. Force cat's mouth open with small trowel. Push pill into mouth followed} by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly
    while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture store on the way home to order a new table.

    15. Arrange for vet to make housecall.
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  2. HA!HA!HA! OMG..I never laughed so hard!
    I got my dog to take his pills by stuffing them in mini hot dogs..yes..My vet was my dog is VERY overweight..LMAO...Works for me....:wlae:
  3. ^^ Haha, we stuffed them in a peanut butter sandwich for my dog! My cats are PAINS though, you can't put it in anything, they will just eat around it! :biggrin:
  4. LOL!!! :roflmfao: :roflmfao: :roflmfao: I can totally relate to this. It's hell giving my cats pills. I've had to wrap them up in a beach towel (heehee, it's like making a kitty burrito), make them open their mouths, give them the pill, and hold the mouth closed for a few seconds. Most of the time it works, although sometimes they spit the pill out :yucky:
  5. Lol that is great!

    Hehe it is the worst! That's what we have to do with our cats (with the towel and holding their mouth closed). But it took us forever to figure that out!!

    I love whom ever invented the sprinkle capsules so you just open the pill and sprinkle it into some wet food and they never know!
  6. LMAO!! We used to hide the pills in food for my dog. Worked like a charm!
  7. :roflmfao: that is too funny!
    On a side note DH holds Rosebud tight and I pry her mouth open toss in the pill and hold it shut till she swallows. When we were driving her from Wisconsin to Florida she would actually dig in my purse (I traveled with my old weathered Wilson to deter potentional nogoodniks) and grab the little envelope with the kitty valium herself...she still needed mama to toss it in though
  8. that is HILARIOUS!! I can harldy breathe for laughing!
  9. I have read this before. LOL! I disguise the pill by crushing it in tuna or chicken baby food. It works.
  10. Tee hee....

    Glad you all enjoyed it - I always read it if I'm feeling a little bit down cos it makes me laugh so hard...

    Anyone got any other jokes they love??
  11. Aww.. this is cute, I'm a big fan of the hide in food philosophy as well ! One cat that we fostered simply refused, we had to get the crazy cat lady (14 cats !) to come over and do the pin cat down and get him to swallow it for us.

    No other jokes, but I'd love to hear more ! :graucho:
  12. Tee hee - don't encourage me - I had looaaaaadddssss more where that came from - watch this space!!! :p

  13. LOL!!!
    i guess im lucky my dog will eat the pill if i just give it to him, but maybe thats cause he's still a pup and its different from adult dog medicine?
  14. HUAHAHAHAAHAAAHAHAA.. I never laughed so hard in my life. I was smoking a cig when I burst out laughing and coughed so hard!

    At first I thought you were serious, I thought.. GREAT! I can def use this coz I am def having troubles giving my cats (4 of them) pills. Then I got to number 2.. LMAO!

    I am a pro at giving my dog pills. I just hold him b/w my legs, pry his mouth open and push the pill and massage his neck. But lately, I feel so stupid.. my dog is the type who swallows everything, really.. he rarely chew. And so, I can just wrap the pill in a piece of bread and he'll swallow it in a second. I thought.. DUH! The whole time i was wrestling him down and all that, when I can just throw it at him in a piece of bread :shame:

    But my cats.. boy! my cats, they are a different story. Their mouths are so bloody small I can never get them to eat their pills :yucky: Forget wrestling them down like I did my dog, they are too clever, and besides, I can receive bodily injuries if I try to do that (think: needle sharp nails!). And one of my cats (the youngest one), he likes to bite! Yep, he bite me often. Sometimes when I'm just holding him down on my lap, he would look at me lovingly then bite my face the next :yucky:

    So, what I'll do with my cats is just to wrap the pill on some wet food. But I have to be clever not to make the pill too big, coz my cats always chew, and they can easily find the pill if it's too big and will just spill it out. I gotta cut the pill into pieces first, so damn annoying.. but nothing I wont do for them.. they are my babies :smile:

    I would love to see more jokes!
  15. I use cream cheese or peanut butter for pills for my dog- but my dog is super small so the pills tend to be small too. However my dog is such a food fiend she would probably eat it if it were wrapped in pretty much anything.