How to deal with unrequited love

  1. I'm tortured inside because I've fallen in love with my boss. He has a lot of qualities that I want in a partner -- he's handsome, intelligent, caring, and has a good sense of humor. I realize that I will never be able to have a romantic relationship with him because 1) he's my boss and 2) he is in a relationship with a person who works for the same company. I just recently found out that she is pregnant as well.

    I know he's totally off-limits to me but I can't help but think about him constantly. I secretly wish I could tell him how I feel, but I know that can never happen. So, how can I get my mind off him? Short of changing jobs, I don't know what else to do. :sad:
  2. You aren't in have a crush.
  3. run
  4. Are you sure it's really love or just an admiration??
  5. ^^ ROFL!! Chag!!

    well i think you just need to remind yourself that you like those qualities and to look for those qualities in another person. go out there are meet people. don't obsess about the boss. it will just bring disaster to your work and your life.

    and youre just seeing one side of him. u don't know his faults and weaknesses. once you know them, which you may not ever get to knowing, you might feel differently. and that applies to most people that we "worship".
  6. Respect your boundaries and in time you will realise that there is no attraction towards a man who is not attracted to you.
  7. It does sound like you have a strong crush on him. It does not seem to be reciprocal tho... if you are new to this job, give yourself time to get through this "phase".

    I've worked alongside some very handsome managers and yes I know what you are feeling but think of it this way -- it's a whole lot more fun to go to work every day for a nice handsome boss than a mean old ugly boss who gives you real hell, so just focus on your job and do it well.
  8. There are some things in life you can't have and somebody else's man is one of them!!

    Just forget it (it won't be hard, you have no history together), find somebody without a pregnant girlfriend and move on!!
  9. LOL...short answer, but def. what I would do! :nuts:

  10. Well, I can certainly add some things that won't help a bit.

    The first is that your situation is not unique. Almost every one of us has been there and done that at least once in our lives, and it sucks hard. I guess "it sucks hard" was the second thing that doesn't help a bit.

    The third useless thing I can tell you is that there is no cure, no magic pill, technique, or recipe to make it go away. Well, there's time, I guess, and that would bring me to a total of four useless things, so I guess I can now safely move on to

    Trite Advice Cliches

    Keep busy. This is the one I remember as being suggested most by the older generation before I inexplicably and I think, unecessarily suddenly, became part of it. The idea behind keeping busy is that it will "take your mind off it." This is not true. Your mind will still be on it, no matter how busy you keep.

    There are people who, when they are upset, clean. Mr Puff, for instance. I don't clean when I am not upset, and when I am, it would not make sense to me to upset myself further by attempting something that should really be left to professionals, like brain surgery. Or cleaning.

    The logic behind cleaning was explained to me by a friend once. "I will still have a broken heart," she said, "but I will have a broken heart AND a clean closet." Somehow, she found comfort in the closet part, so if you think you might be one of those people, you could give it a shot.

    My own recommendation for keeping busy is a little different: Do something for somebody who is worse off than you are. The view from the pit of unrequited love is not one that lends itself readily to the notion of anybody being worse off, but there are definitely people who can use your help. No matter what skill, what ability, aptitude or interest you may have, there is somebody who could really benefit from it, so if you decide to go the keep busy route, I would recommend that over cleaning.

    You can apply the same philosophy as my friend: You may still be the victim of unrequited love, but old Mrs Chang across the street will have beautiful flower beds. And she might be so delighted with them that she makes you dumplings, which brings us to Trite Advice Cliche #2

    Indulge Yourself

    This is a controversial cliche, and a little tricky. You would not want to indulge yourself, for instance, by drinking an entire bottle of Absinthe. Nor would you want to eat an entire plate of old Mrs Chang's dumplings every night for a month. For one thing, Mrs Chang is very old, and making dumplings every night for a month would put an excessive strain on her frail self. But the solution is not substituting pizza, or ice cream, or cognac, for either Absinthe or dumplings. Indulge yourself in moderation.

    Moderation means that if you are one of those people who never eats carbs, go ahead and eat some. Have some chocolate. Once a week or so, have all you want. The rest of the week, have more than you usually would, but exercise some restraint so that you can avoid having to do too much of the other kind of exercise, which is also the way some people would "keep busy," but the less said about those people, the better.

    Moderation also means refraining from maxing out all your credit cards buying purses and clothing. In fact, it is imperative that you do NOT buy any purses or any clothing, or makeup, or shoes, or anything like that, until you have recovered. This is because you will not make good decisions right now, and you will end up with what you will recognize too late as a closet full of WTFs.

    Nor is this the time to change your hairstyle or engage in any sort of soft tissue modification like piercing or a tattoo. The best way to utilize shopping as a self-indulgence technique is to shop for other people. While you are in no condition to pick out even a plain white top for yourself, you will do your usual excellent job of choosing just the right thing for your sister, even though her birthday is a month away.

    Enough of the don'ts. Self-indulgence DOs include renting a whole stack of Hilary Duff movies and spending the entire weekend watching them from bed. If you have practiced reasonable dietary moderation for the last few days, order pizza.

    One of the most famous Self-Indulgent cliches involves personal hygiene as an art form. Candles round a tub of scented bubbles, a bath pillow, a glass of wine, and your favorite opera on the stereo, at full volume, and neighbors be damned.

    Whichever method you choose, the point of Self-Indulgence is to do things that make you feel as good as you can under the circumstances, without incurring any deleterious consequences.

    And while we are on the subject of deleterious consequences, if you are going to be miserable there, and from what you say, it is hard to imagine how you would be anything else, changing jobs might not be out of the question. Especially if, when you think about changing jobs, the first, second, and third thing that comes to your mind is "but I won't see him anymore." That's a good indication that considering a change is a sensible and reasonable thing to do.

    Looking for a new job is, after all, one way to keep busy, and a Change of Scene is second only to the Beautiful Bath as Suggested Cliche Treatment for a broken heart!

  11. ^ITA!!!!
  12. accept the situation, move on and don't look back
  13. ITA, finding someone to love is the best way out of a crush, I know easier said than done, but you'll never find someone if you're mooning over your boss.

  14. hahahaha. Agreed!
  15. Yes, it's definitely time to move on.

    I've got to admit I had the hots for my boss when I first started. I would obsess over the little things about him and find myself day dreaming (YUCK). Now, as each day goes by I am disgusted by him more and more. He doesn't even look as atractive as he did when he first interviewed me. I remember telling everyone I wasn't sure if I'd be able to work with him because he was sooooooo hot. But now I can't stand him. I avoid him like the plague, not because I like him. Because he irks me.