How do I help my mom?

  1. TIA.

    My mom is 46 years old. She's always been the same ever since I've known her. :p

    She's a deeply religious person. She doesn't go out, except to the store and to work. 24 years ago, when she decided to become born-again, she changed her entire lifestyle. She quit her job, took the earrings out of her ears and dumped my non- believing father. She moved us close to other members of the congregation and decided to homeschool us (they all did it at the time).

    I'm 21, and she finally started working again last year. Now, I'm noticing a bunch of weird changes. She gotten her ears re-pierced, going to the hair salon regularly, and buying new clothes (she's always bought second- hand). Moreover, she's talking about MEN, when I know that she's been celibate for decades! She's asking me advice about styling herself!

    I know this may not sound like a big deal to you all, but she is totally different than the person I used to know. If these things make her happy, I don't want to stand in her way, but I'm quite a bit alarmed that all of these things have happened so suddenly and all in concert. I told her that I think she needs to talk to someone and she laughed at me. What do you all think?
  2. Well, maybe it's time she thought she changed? I know people who have become close to particular faiths at certain times in their lives, and then distanced themselves later when they maybe find that the faith doesn't provide them with complete fulfillment.

    As to moms changing...mine was a complete celibate for many years and swore that no one was better than my dad. After I came to the US I managed to find the location of one of her boyriends from 1956 (I kid you not!) and they reconnected. My mom forwarded me one of this guy's emails by accident and after I read that I nearly needed a fan to cool me down. It's highly unnerving to think that moms may start dating again --mine is 70+!
  3. the only constant in life is: change! help her to enjoy her new life. you are a good daughter.
  4. Well, how bout you sit down and talk to her and perhaps she can shed some light on to why she's acting this way.. Maybe she's just ready to make a change in her life.
  5. Has anyone else in your family noticed the changes, and do they feel similarly as you? If so, then I'd observe for a few more months to see if she does anything else that's out of character relative to who she was before. But if the change seems like a good one, and she's happy and healthy, then I'd celebrate it with her.
  6. Wow, go Grandma, go! :wlae:

    Yes, my grandmother and my aunt have.. They all think that it's a good thing.
  7. When your mom was younger, she may have felt that she wanted to do what she thought was best for you since you were her child. Perhaps in her mind, that meant moving, home schooling you, and so on. She may think now that you're 21 and an adult, that she can ease up on some things that she personally changed. I would support her and spend time with her, and let her know that you care about her. She will appreciate it!
  8. Pehaps your mum is ready to begin living her life again, I am sure you will support her in this. Talk to her!
  9. I say SUPPPORT HER all the way!!!
    She sounds like she is trying to find her own her style herself.she may need it for self confidence ..especially after all these years....I think its cool.Sometimes change..although REALLY good for us in the long run!!
  10. Declare a Day of Beauty, and while your toes soak, just listen to her and see what she says. Listen to her while you are getting massages, listen to her while they are doing your hair, your makeup.

    Don't worry about what you can say to her yet. After you come home and think about everything she says to you, and mull over how she may be helping herself, you will be in a much better position to know how you can best help her!
  11. I keep asking her what exactly this all is about, but she laughs it off and tells me that it's not a big deal, that there are no big changes, etc.? She seems to think my reaction is extremely humorous.

    I just want her to talk to me about it so that I can understand her better. But she just seems not to want to open up to me...soo, this may be one of the things I just have to let go of.

    And yea, I totally support her! She's not on drugs!
  12. It seems like she's doing these things because it makes her happy.

    Obviously she doesn't want to talk about it right now, but let her know that if she ever wants to talk you'll be there to listen to her.

    Preface that by telling her you're happy she's happy. Maybe she's getting defensive because she thinks you don't approve.
  13. Well, see my diabolical plan is betting that in the salon environment, just talking about things like undertones and highlighters and what color to have her toes painted, things that she didn't do for all those years and now does, might loosen her up in terms of talking, and at the very least, prime the pump a bit, and offer some clues that you can use to plan your next step!
  14. As long as her behavior is healthy, I'd be happy for her. If you really want to get at the root of the change, I agree with other posters who've suggested hanging back and listening. If you're both happy with all this, well, cheers!
  15. Just my opinion is that your mom is enjoying life again. Sounds like she realizes there is a whole world out there that she's been missing out on.