Hmmm....the annual block party - time to feel left out all over again.

  1. Well, we just got back from our annual block party - a suburban tradition - and once again the doyennes of our block spent their time in a tight huddle and the 'rest of us', mostly working moms, wandered around trying to be involved in something to pass the time. I, unfortunately, am unable to do that. So, I stayed home watching Hildago on DVD until I figured the party was winding down....I hopped in with about 15 minutes to go. Unfortunately long enough to end up feeling left out. This came about when Samantha, the hostess, was talking about how three of the families basically spend all their waking time together. I'm not sure why I needed to hear that. I certainly didn't ask, but there it was.

    Now I know you're thinking 'you're leaving yourself out!' but, no...trust me on this one. I'm not in the clique and I'm not going to be. So given that I'm a smart, confident, self-involved and child-centered well-educated woman, HOW do these little parties rock my world so much?

    Ugh, anybody else recognize this or is it really just me?? :sad:
     
  2. It's not worth it.....there will always be the little groups that will not let anyone else in. They are like that here in my neighborhood. I am so lucky to have become friends with the woman across the street and she made me laugh when she said how she lived here for 5-6 years and is only friendly with a woman she met with a son that plays with her son.
    We had the annual block parrty about two weeks ago. I didn't even bother going.....so did most of the neighborhood here. It was really a small party for a small group of neighbors about 3 blocks away in the development. I know what you are going thru but it is not worth the time of day to even worry about it.
    Hugs.
     
  3. Oh yeah, I'm definitely with you on that. Being on the outskirts around a really close knit group can suck a lot. I like to be in the middle of everything, so when I'm not, I feel really left out. But, like you sort of said already, it sounds like they just have different interests. So I'm sure it's not you -- you seem really nice and interesting! -- but that they are all just really into each other. You'll probably either start doing more with them and becoming more of their group...OR, you'll just get your own group going and not worry about them!!

    Don't let them get to you! They are basically being kind of rude.
     
  4. Its hard not to care about other people's actions; and sometimes people don't realize that they are being jerks. But what is the point of a block party if these people are going to stay huddled in their little clique?
    Don't feel so bad, who needs them, right?

    I'm just as sensitive, so I understand, but really, try not to take it too personally if you can. And anyways, who is friends with their neighbours? lol not me!
     
  5. I live in a neighborhood where the couples think they are still in high school and clicks still exist. I don't bother to go to anything they put together. I say my hello's, make polite conversation, and end it at that. My kids go to private school and I have their classmates get together with them.

    Who has time for this stuff? They really need to grow up!:noggin:
    You aren't alone, maybe you are the normal one!
     
  6. I hear you on this! It's hard not to take it personally...I am very outgoing, a social butterfly, and the idea of parties is to meet a few new people as well as connect with old friends, right? Well, I think out of habit and/or insecurities people sometimes just ended up sticking with those whom they know and don't branch out. So when I run into what you have I get very sensitive to it and HATE being left out of things.

    After awhile I just learned to choose who I hang out with and stopped banging my head against a wall on other groups where it just doesn't work. I have a wonderful friend, for example, but whenever she has parties her other friends are VERY clique-ish, arrogant and annoying and I just don't enjoy going to those events. So, I stopped and focused on others where I felt comfortable and welcomed! Whenever I host a party I try to make sure to introduce everyone so everyone is comfortable but after that you have to let things mix as they will.

    I agree with other posts that we don't have to be best buds with our neighbors. I think it's cool they are at least making an effort to be social, but they need to be a LOT more inclusive.
     
  7. I know exactly what you mean. I always thought that people would grow out of that behavior when they became adults. There was one time I went to my daughter's Christmas program, and no one would sit by me! Talk about giving someone a complex! LOL People were almost shoulder to shoulder with the exception of a clear circle around me! I could stretch out my arms and not touch a soul! It was the weirdest thing. I was showered,had makeup on and I don't think I'm intimidating looking. I'm just not in the " loop".
     
  8. I think it's a basic human need to be part of something, a group etc., but those people are so not worth your time. They may be nice but not open to other "members", so why not concentrate your efforts on people who will appreciate you? IMHO.
     
  9. It's not just you. This happened to us too. About five years ago, we moved to a popular, newer subdivision and there were definite cliques in place there. And since I work (albeit at home) and couldn't congregate out in the street all day with the other wives, they started almost completely ignoring me. Then it trickled down to their kids ignoring our kids. We moved after just a year. It was a real let-down because we had a beautiful dream house there, but I just couldn't take the cliques. We moved back to our old neighborhood and have never looked back.
     
  10. Whew! Boy I'm glad I posted. Just reading these replies has driven the feelings right out! THANKS!

    Yes, Tammy and Melissa (and everyone else) your comments are right on with my situation right now. We've lived here for 11 years and are STILL treated like newbies. Our suburb is very established (read old money) and very upscale (make it old MONEY). People I work with say my town is 'full of cliques' and right now I feel it. Oddly, I really like the landscaping, so we stay. :wtf:

    Seriously. I love the plants. I hate the people. The question is: can you build a life around hostas and enornmous trees? Maybe not, methinks.

    Things were different when we were childless and then when we had only toddlers. This fall I'll have a first grader and a kindergardener. So we had better find a way to move into this society or I'm afraid our children will also feel left out and I don't want that. We've had three wonderful (older) couples that we've been friends with over the years but now they've all moved out of state. Eeek! I guess that's why the block party got to me - it's just a microcosm of our bigger problem here. Somehow, we don't fit in...and I'm not even sure why??:blink:

    But thanks for your comments. REALLY helped. :heart:
     
  11. You're right on the money with the thing about your kids being older now. Hubby and I had said we would have stayed in the neighborhood we hated if we hadn't had kids (or if they'd been babies). We figured we worked most of the time and it wouldn't affect us that much and once we were inside our house, who cares what they think. When it starts spilling over onto your kids, though, that's what really gets to you.
     
  12. Cliques by nature are small, exclusive group of people. Exclusion is the name of the game. They can be difficult to penetrate and I'm of the opinion, who would want to?

    "I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member." Groucho Marx
     
  13. I had the opposite problem in the first house I ever owned. I worked and the block was filled with SAHMs. They would have parties and not invite me because I had a career and no kids. It was an awful feeling. I'm glad I don't live there any more.