help nosy in-laws: unveiling the e- ring!!!

  1. heres my situation, i hope you guys can give me some advice and share some similar stories. I'm going to be recieving my e-ring soon and i;m not so thrilled about my soon to be in-laws see it, and when i say in laws i mean the 2 main women in his lives (older sister & mom) who have been the most critical, hard to please women i have ever met. Let me give u a little insight to our relationship; my fi and his family are extremely tight, and the 2 women (mom and older sis) play a huge strong role in his life.Their both very traditional (in their mind) 9 years of dating my guy and all through the 9 years thay have made me feel like an outsider, critize me on not being able to cook good, speak vietnamese well (i was born in canada),etc... as well as his older sister alway complaining on why my fi always buys me gift and not her?!!! and have constantly been bad mouthing me behind my back to my fi, i think this is how they think they can "control" me thorugh him, or try to resume some control over him. Im not sure if their threaten by me, that i would take their lil boy away or that they think im just not good enough. well... the ring is obviosuy gonan be seen and becauase its a 2ct cushion ring... its obvious we spent a good amount of money on it, which im sure that they are not gonan be pls about... what do i do when his nosy sister ask me how much the ring is.. usually i would snap and tell her to mind her own business... but i know that shes gonna be my in law and im gonan have to appoach this coming off looking good.. especially for my fi. pls help
    ps. sorry about the spelling and grammar.. its 4 amin the morning lol
     
  2. First of all, congratulations on your engagament and your ring!
    As for your in-laws I'm really sorry that it looks like this. I don't have this kind of problems, but my father-in-law wants to organize everything the way he sees it, so everytime we are making the decision about something, first I talk to my fiance and then, when we decide something we tell his parents. At the beginning it wasn't easy, because in his family it was always his father who was making decisions and nobody never said 'no' to him. So I had to make him understand that it can't be like this, because I'm not that kind of person.
    So I think you definitely should talk to your fiance and tell him what's the problem. I know that some women are just waiting for you to make a little mistake and they always critisize your every step, but you should be polite and nice and just don't care what they say.
    Let us know what you decided and how went the showing.
    Wish you luck.
     
  3. smile and say i'm so glad you like it i just love it myself!
     
  4. Well, of cours Karo is right, you should talk the whole situation over with your fiance, after all they're his family. Second plan, and he one that I always use when asked a question I don't want to answer is "Gee, I don't know. Why do you ask?" If she says she was looking to get one for herself ,tell her what size your ring is and suggest she research it on the net.:shrugs: My theory is when in doubt play dumb. Works every time.

    C
     
  5. I know exactly what you're going through. My DH is very close to his older sis and his mom. His mom even chose my e-ring. I started another thread here awhile back because I was unhappy about the ring. Anyway, you should talk to your fiance about the subject and let him know that his sis makes inappropriate comments once in awhile (I told my DH the same thing before about his sis). He should understand. At least he'll know what you're going through.

    When you get your ring, wear it proudly. It's from your fiance and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you! When his sis or mom say something, just smile and know that even if they don't think you're worth it, he does and that's all that matters. Try not to say anything nasty back to them. I know it's difficult!

    Anyway good luck! I'm sending you vibes in support!:wlae:
     
  6. I totally agree!
     
  7. tell them to go f**k themselves! No don't do that, if they are rude enough to ask, tell them you think it's vulgar to discuss things like that
     
  8. I'm very familiar with family like this *sigh*
    If his sister or mother asks you how much the ring cost say something like "oh it was what we could afford" its very tacky for them to ask such a thing anyway. They sound a bit like my in-laws, they want to control him still see him as a little boy. It may be tough but if this behavior continues he may have to respectfully stand up to them and let them know they cannot interfer in your relationship, and if they are going to be mean to you than maybe you two wont come around so much *folds arms*
     
  9. I totally know what you're going through!

    My bf just got me a Tiffany round tag bracelet for Valentine's and we're meeting his mum, SIL and sis (possibly) later and his mum will definitely ask me what I got for Valentine's and she'll definitely notice my bracelet! His sis being a huge Tiffany fan (she has tons of Tiffany stuff) will definitely know the value of Tiffany bracelets and she might just leak the price..... I mean, it's not like it costs as much as a Birkin but the point is, his mum might get jealous because he hasn't bought her anything from Tiffany, or any form of jewelry for that matter. I've decided to just tell her it's a gift and prices are secondary. Either that or I'll say he went and bought it himself and I don't know the price. Then she'll direct the question to him and he'll keep mum. She's the sort who'd announce it to the whole world... she did it to my Speedy when I got it. She told everyone how much it costs and stuff... I just gotta learn to bear with it.

    Just want to let you know that you're not alone! I foresee myself in the same situation when we get engaged!
     
  10. My DH bought me a Tiffany tag bracelet for our first Wedding annv. 6 years ago...I was young and this was probably not the right way to handle it but I went shopping with his mom and sis and his sister started whining b/c she had been his sister for 20 years and he never bought her anything that nice. I smiled very sweetly and said "have you tried sleeping with him? " Well that just threw everybody into a tizzy and she said "gross thats my brother!" I said "my point exactly I have a VERY different relationship with him than you have"

    If they ask how much it cost tell them that you have no idea b/c it was a gift and it is extremely rude to ask those kinds of questions. My MIL used to ask me how much all of my gifts cost. But since I have started to answer her this way she has stopped. I did hear her say that she looked up one of my purses online to see how much he paid for it!! But at least she didn't ask me.
     
  11. i agree! Just be friendly, and most of all DON'T let them get to you!
     
  12. thank you guys so much for the response, it has definitly help me deal with the upcoming unveiling. CalamityJean, your response to his sister whining is CLASSIC!!! lol if she pushes me im gonna have to resort to that just to finally shut her up lol . The deal is my fi has been standing up for me.., but the 2 women are exteremly relentless to the point where he's so fed up having to keep defending me. That and also the fact that hes alway been a mommas boy so its harder. What is with mothers and old sisters? i don't understand why they feel there is some competition for affection here? don't they understand that a relationship with their son/brothers gf or wife or watever the case may be is completely different from theirs? why dont they turn to their own husbands or bfs if they want to get spoiled or affection? doesn't anyone else think this is disturbing and sick? as much as i want to say something, my fi keeps saying that their older and i have to respect them regardless of their wrong..i guess its more emphasis in asian cultures..that the elders are revered (sp?) Yes, i could sorta agree to an extent when it comes to his mother.. but his sis? shes only 4 years older than me!!!
    i want to thank everyone again for responding.. its so comforting to know that im not alone in this, and that im not a bad person for feeling like this...
     
  13. Well, we kinda nipped that in the bud EARLY! When my DH and I got engaged, I let the sisters (and Mom) know that since they were so far, I'd be planning the wedding w/o them but, I made sure to include them in harmless stuff that kept them happy...THEN I sprung it on 'em! I got them EACH a gift from Tiffany's for the wedding. Nothing CRAZY! Just a little necklace with their initial on it (for the sisters) and a small silver rose pendant with a pearl on it for his Mum.

    And now they love me because I gave them a blue box. It works wonders. Maybe you might try bribery? Bring a little token for them to ahem "help" them share in your joy? I'm just sayin' ;)

    It is tough though, when you're with the youngest or only boy. The ladies in his family can be crazy protective...and a little jealous. After all, they enjoyed being the only women in his life for his entire life! It's gonna' be an adjustment. But, here's the thing. YOU don't have to do ALL the adjusting. Remind you DF...that if YOU aren't happy, he CAN'T be happy (because you won't let him be happy! It's only fair!). So far, he's been good about taking your side...hopefully he stays that way! Good luck!!
     
  14. Hmm...that might just work! :graucho:
     
  15. what do i do when his nosy sister ask me how much the ring is..?Shrug your shoulders and say Enough and change the topic.
    Perhaps speak with your b/f about this before hand and get his thoughts.