Help...Divorce question

#61
Michele said:
Can you hire a private investigator in Japan? It would be great if you can really find out what he is doing and have some pictures if needed.
Click to expand...

This might be worth looking into. Do you know anyone else who is stationed with him that you could trust to be honest with you? Maybe someone who is over there can give you some insight into why he has had this "change of heart."

As with everyone else who has suggested it, I would advise you to document everything! I have consulted with several attorney's and this is the one thing they have all stressed.
 
#62
Hi Holliwood....you have recieved some really great advice from all the members....I have nothing else to add in that respect, but would just like to say that I am here in Hong Kong sending all my best thoughts your way! 18 years is a long time...but the rest of your life being married to someone that can toss his family aside because "his love is diminished" is even longer!! You are a lucky woman in that you have your kids, in your country, and it doesn't seem like keeping them with you will be a problem! Best wishes...now go an find that lawyer!!!
 
#63
BagFreak said:
OMG this makes me soo angry, you have been there through his entire military career and now that he is close to retirement, he thinks he can just dump you and his responsibilities. I'm in the military myself, I see this all the time. You better get an attorney and take him for every red cent. Also speak to the JAG and see if they can help you out. He can also get in trouble if he's in Japan with someone else. He is not allowed to freely date in the military until the divorce is final. OK I'll stop now but if you ever need to talk I'm here,we are all here for you.
Click to expand...
This is excellent advice. The military has resources for families in your position. Please find out as much as you can about those resources, and if you are rebuffed by one person, be sure to find another who can help you.
Best wishes.
 
#64
Michele said:
Can you hire a private investigator in Japan? It would be great if you can really find out what he is doing and have some pictures if needed.
Click to expand...


You know, that thought did come to mind last night after talking with him, but I can imagine what that would cost, and I have to save every penny at this point since I am on unemployment and he is our only source of income thru this process. He is stationed on Okinawa, and I wish I knew more about the island to just pick up a phone book and find someone, but unfortunately, I can't. But I have thought about it though.
 
#65
Holliwood said:
You know, that thought did come to mind last night after talking with him, but I can imagine what that would cost, and I have to save every penny at this point since I am on unemployment and he is our only source of income thru this process. He is stationed on Okinawa, and I wish I knew more about the island to just pick up a phone book and find someone, but unfortunately, I can't. But I have thought about it though.
Click to expand...

I have a friend who is on Okinawa. Her husband is stationed there. Just say the word and I can ask her to look into a PI.
 
#66
Selena said:
I think with the amount of time you have been married, you quality for LIFETIME alimony. You have one thing in your favor, the fact that he is out of the country, I would think that is going to complicate things more for him. Another tip get a credit card in your name only. Not off of his Social. When you separate or he files, he can cancel all of your cards and you are SOL.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the tip Selena. I actually have two cc's in my name only w/o him as a user on the acct. But I am listed on one of his that I am trying to figure out how to remove my name from it before any papers get processed. I have power of attorney for everything right now and trying to figure out if I can remove myself from his credit cards by that means, so I am looking at all those angles today.

And I hope I do qualify for some type of Alimony in addition to child support, etc. I have a few names now and tomorrow Cali time, I will be trying to see about getting in to have a free consultation with SOMEONE that will squeeze me in. Fingers crossed.
 
#67
I just want to say, remember that your husband has been in the military for a long time, and you got by running the house and caring for your kids and living your life, even though that must have been really hard. So you go girl!! Get yourself that lawyer, change your last name, and rid yourself from this pitiful man who won't realize what he had once you're out of his life.
 
#68
twinkie said:
Holliwood--I feel your pain, honey. I'm going through this, too. Please feel free to PM me if you need some moral support or just need to vent.

I will tell you right now that the emotional roller coaster you are on only gets worse. It seems like everyday I feel something different. I was devastated at first and then furious. I remember my first week was awful. I must have looked like hell because everyone kept asking me if I was ok. I cried all the time, over anything and everything. Then I got mad. REALLY mad. I probably said and did some things to him that I shouldn't have, but it felt good!

I've kind of moved into the pleasantly numb/really don't give a damn stage, but will slip back into being sad or angry very easily. It's easier when I don't see him, but then again I wonder what he is doing with his time, who he's seeing, etc. If I start to dwell on that too much, it makes me crazy!

I have a soon to be 5-year old who is not coping well with the situation. At least your children are old enough to understand most of what's going on. My little guy just thinks his daddy has abandoned him no matter what I tell him or how much I attempt to console him. My son is my rock and without him I don't know where I would be. It breaks my heart to see him affected by his father's carelessness, but all I can do is continue to show him how much I love him and to keep all of the promises I make.

Keep your chin up and take care of yourself! Again, please PM me anytime if you need to!:flowers:
Click to expand...

Twinkie,

Thanks for the heads up, and I agree, I probably have an emotional roller coaster ahead of me. I've been on one since Sunday morning finding this out and trying to figure out where to go. I was so messed up that this morning, my only thought was "how do I change my name back to my maiden name".

Selena had to slap me and tell me to wake up and forget that for now and get an attorney NOW. This whole thread has been a wakeup call for me that I have more pressing matters, that my tPF friends care about my ordeal and are willing to lend support and words of comfort, and this means the world to me.

So thank you for sharing that I have a long up and down hill battle ahead and I will keep your name in mind for those ups and downs and sorry that you are having to go thru this too. Because this is a hurting thing to feel "not loved" by someone you thought you knew for almost 20 years and now he sounds like a stranger.
 
#70
Listen to Selena. She tells it how it is :yes:

Like everyone else has said, look out for you and your children first! I remember my mom going through this, and it was not easy for her. However, she fought the same uphill battle that you're fighting, and she kicked some serious butt. You can do the same ;) :heart:

This is the place to come to vent your sadness or frustration while you're going through this - you're definitely not alone!

:heart: :heart: :heart:
 
#71
Selena said:
I think with the amount of time you have been married, you quality for LIFETIME alimony.
Click to expand...

Most of the time, this is no longer the case, unless he agrees to it voluntarily. Judges almost never award separate maintenance any more, and if they do it's normally no longer than half the duration of the marriage. If you have worked fulltime throughout your marriage, it's even less likely to be awarded. If it's something you want, though, it's definitely worth looking into, especially if you think he might agree to it.

Thinking good thoughts for you, Holliwood! You're a strong woman, and you will get through this.
 
#72
I'm so sorry that you and your children need to go through this, Holli. I hope everything works out for you. Chin up, it isn't always going to be easy but you'll make it through!

I love how everyone here is so supportive and gives excellent advice!!
 
#73
I feel so sad for you. I have seen the same thing happened to a close friend of mine last year. The guy found his new love who is 16 years younger. But my friend managed to get more than half of their assets and is living a good life now with their child.

You will get over it. Good luck with everything.
 
#74
Hi Holli,
I'm so sorry you are hurting and going through this ordeal..I will keep you in my prayers for sure. Please let us know how you and your child are doing.

Hugs and Love to you both:heart:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back