Help! Confessing to my boyfriend that I cheated on him!

  1. OK, I've got this dilemma right now.

    What if you were in a different country and for one weak moment, out of curiosity you kissed a guy in a club, assuming that he would'nt find out?

    I totally regretted it afterwards and swore to God that I'd never do it again. Unfortunatly, a year after keeping the secret, two friends find out from my friend who was with me at the time. Now one of the friends, who is my boyfriend's close cousin is threatening to tell him if I don't. (Five months after she found out, mind you.)

    My boy and I are intending to marry after I travel for eight months (he does'nt want to travel.) Now I have to break the news to him-and this will completly destroy everything. What's the best way to handle this? :sad:
  2. Oof...was it just a smooch or a full-on tonsil-hockey tournament? Obviously you should've told him earlier because things like this ALWAYS get out, but I'd say just be honest. Tell your friend you'll tell him yourself then suck it up and break it to him. It was a long time ago, and it has only happened once, so I'd explain to him how much he means to you, how terrible you felt, etc. He might flip out, but be ready for it and give him some time afterwards. Good luck...
  3. Be honest with him. It will be tough breaking the news, but he will be so much more upset hearing this type of news second hand. Let him know it was a mistake and just a fluke occurance.

    Good luck.
  4. Oh my...its the worst feeling in the world to set your self up to do something like this. Pretty much there is no way to tell him without him getting upset. So prepare for some harsh words, and remember when he gets upset don't get upset with him. I wish you luck...
  5. ^It was never my intention to set anything up. Naturally if I had known better, I would not have done it at all. I was bawling right afterwards because I regretted it so much.
  6. Oh my. Best you tell him before your "friend" does.

    Good luck.
  7. ^yep, I felt totally beseiged because she forced me to do it.

    While she does have a point, she did'nt trust me when I explained to her what happened. She said she still speculates my count of what happened and suggested that I work on the relationship before we consider getting married.

    While I don't feel friendly towards her anymore, I will be a member of her family if we get through this. That's why I have to restrain myself. Either way, she's going to be hailed the hero-something that I don't feel right about.
  8. ^If I were her, I'd probably do the same thing :s . If she didn't have any loyalty to him, that'd be one thing, but she is his cousin. I'd try to understand her, as I can't imagine she LIKES putting you on the spot.
  9. I'm sorry I see how it came out now, I meant prepare yourself to talk to your bf. Sorry again...:flowers: .
  10. tricky situation.. u have to tell him as if u dont she will.. but explain the situation and the guilt u feel and that it was nothing.. u have to know he will get mad and be hurt.. but u have to just let him get it all out...
  11. ^^I know this is karma biting me back but I'm thinking beyond the aftermath too.

    The hardest part was that she immediatly suspected the worst and did'nt say a thing until months later. This is an irk from a friendship point of view.

    I did'nt feel obliged to offer her any information when she found out because I intended to keep it to myself and did'nt feel that she needs to be involved.

    Even after I tell the truth, I'm pretty sure she's going to assume that i lied to him. She thinks I'm a cheater and will do it again-how can I live with that?
  12. Ouch.

    I guess you will just hafta let ya actions speak for you. As you said, that kiss was something you regretted, and you've been good since. At the end of the time, what she thinks of you is less important than how ya bf will take it, so I would sort that out first.

    G'luck with your confession!!
  13. Ouch. I wasn't really sure how to respond, so I set up the question for Bart and asked "How upset would you be if I kissed someone else while on vacation?"

    And he said that he honestly wouldn't be upset enough to break up with me over something like that...

    You didn't sleep with the guy, and you didn't let it happen again...You obviously regret what happened, so it's not like you did it to intentionally hurt him. Honestly, I'm not even sure if you should bring it up...But if you've got a "friend" who is threatening to tell him, then it's probably best he hear it from you and not her.

    Just be honest with your boyfriend, say that you made a huge mistake and that you are sorry and it never happened again after that. He may be pissed off at you for a while and will probably have trust issues for a bit - but you've just got to prove to him that he can trust you again.

    And BTW, I would get rid of this so called "friend" of yours. I would never force a friend into telling her boyfriend that she cheated, whether I witnessed it or not. It is not my business to but into other peoples' relationships.
  14. You know, in my opinion this has nothing to do with his bloody cousin!! We all make mistakes ones in a while and though I think you're better off being honest with your boyfriend and explain what happened, I think his cousin should keep her nose out of it. If she saw you playing around all the time, constantly two-timing him, that would be a different story. But she knows you're cut up about how stupid you were, you regret it and it'll probably never happen again, so why doesn't she just leave you two alone to sort your relationship out for yourself...

    Some people are always so busy interfering with other people's lives, they must be total saints and never do anything wrong!!:nuts: I have seen so many situations blown out of proportion and relationships gone wrong because other people just feel they have to tell!! Tell what? Ok, you kissed somebody else, not good, I admit, but not the end of the world (or the relationship..)

    Sit down and talk to your boyfriend, explain what happened, that it was stupid and meant nothing and he'll probably be alright, (when he gets time to think about it..) At least when his cousin comes running to tell him, he can just say: "I know"...
  15. That's OK, handbag_luvr. I see what you mean.

    Maggie7, thanks...I was trying to figure out why I felt so awful about her. But she's really steamed. How will I say: "back off" (obviously after I confessed as I have no other choice) with out flaming her further?