He Peed All Over His Chinos !!!

  1. By HOLLY NOSEDA
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    HERE at The Sun we have a rich and varied dating history. In the interests of preventing others making the same terrible mistakes, we have decided to share our tales of disaster.


    It just goes to show you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find that prince (or princess)…
    Hunk Studbuckle – not his real name, honestly - says: "I was drunk in Tenerife on a date with a girl (I was aged 17, I hasten to add). We were enjoying a romantic moon-lit stroll along the promenade, I needed a pee, so nipped behind a bush (I know, I'm a class act!).

    "However, a leaf was angled in such a way that the full flow went back onto my beige chinos, soaking them to the skin. I didn't notice until I stepped back into the light, and realised I was a p***-soaked mess."
    Lesson: Pee before you leave

    It’s not just the men that can’t control their bodily function though, the sisters among us aren’t much better.

    “A boy I really liked took me back to his house on our second date,” shares a lady writer, “but I'd drunk so much I was sick in his toilet as soon as we got there. Twice. He was nice about it but I was mortified.”
    Did she learn? Well, she did, but a future blind date made a similar crashing error: “I was fine (learned my lesson by then) but the bloke concerned was clearly nervous and drank three pints right in front of me, in about 20 minutes flat. Then he started burping uncontrollably, which was quite bad as we were having lots of uncomfortable silences anyway.
    “It wasn't very attractive. I didn't see him again.” Ouch.
    Lesson: Drink slowly, and alternate booze with water.
    Yet another booze story follows… One of our number tried to impress a lady he’d been pestering for some time, by taking her to the opening of a swanky restaurant. So far, so good.
    “They had a line of about 200 strawberry and liquorice vodka shots arcing a round the entire length of the bar.”
    Uh-oh.
    “Forgetting about the poor girl I was with (who had pretty much only agreed to go out with me because I'd hounded her into submission) I took it on myself to have a drinking competition with a complete stranger from one end of the vodka line to the other.
    "We got a good two metres into it before we were stopped by bar staff. After that the evening is a bit of a blur.”
    The date didn’t end there, though. The lucky lady accompanying our pie-eyed lothario had to lend her gym bag as a make-shift sick bucket.
    Lesson: Don’t challenge strangers to competitions of any kind, it impresses no-one.
    But sometimes, as a friend-of-The-Sun found to her horror, you can’t be responsible for your date’s behaviour.
    “I met with this guy one night for drinks and he seemed quite nice and we got on really well so date number two was arranged.
    ”
    Promising…

    “So we decided to meet up for lunch three days later and this is where it goes wrong… He turns up about 20 minutes late, and I notice that he’s looking rather sweaty and flushed and wearing the same clothes as on our first date.”
    The date claimed he’d been sleeping on the floor of an uncle’s factory so he could "study in peace" and had run to the rendez-vous for some exercise.
    “Anyway, I pointed out that I was really hungry and he said that he’d bought
    me lunch.”​

    A generous gesture? Perhaps not…

    “I was slightly confused as I thought we were going out for lunch, but then he pulled out a banana from his pocket and said it was a gift for me. At which point, I told him that a) I don’t like bananas, and b) I thought we’d planned to actually eat a proper meal.”
    Our girl’s date hesitated while she hotfooted it towards a nearby restaurant, despite his protests.

    “He jabbered on about how healthy bananas are and that I really should eat it… He wasn’t taking no for an answer so we had a mini heated discussion…. Anyway, we finally got into a restaurant and he decides to put the banana on the table sunny side up so that it was ‘smiling’ at me, which means that I would grow to like it and eat it.

    “After telling him for the millionth time that I don’t like bananas he balanced the banana upside down so that it was ‘frowning’ at me ‘cos it was upset with me. I’m starting to think that there is seriously something wrong but lunch goes ahead anyway.”​

    Bananaman then splits, leaving our girl to foot the bill. A couple of hours later, she gets a text message. ​

    He asks, “if I can ever find it in my heart to forgive him.” She couldn't. ​

    Lesson: If you can’t afford to take someone out on a date, don’t offer. Wait for payday!
    “I had a date with this oik who I had somehow agreed to go out with in a moment of weakness,” gossips another of our girls.​

    “He took me to a horrible pub to watch a footie match (fine, I like football but for a first date?), afterwards he put a Credence Clearwater Revival song on the juke box - Bad Moon Rising.

    “He climbed up on a table to sing along and finished it off by mooning. I nipped to the loo and never went back.
    ”
    Lesson: If you have a bad feeling about someone – don’t agree to meet up.


     
  2. Oh dear. That was rather funny, but the part about the gym bag was :yucky:.