Has anyone had a falling out with a close friend? =(

luckycharm06

luckycharm06

Old School Member
O.G.
Dec 2, 2005
2,508
5
#1
I had a very close girlfriend in college (sorority sisters, lived together, partied together..you get the point!), and 6 months after I moved away after graduation, we had a falling out. It's hard to pinpoint what went "wrong", but we drifted apart and resentment built. Now I know that we are both too proud to give in, and with 400 miles between us there doesn't feel like a need to have to.

This has happened previously with this friendship, and at that time I reached out to her and tried to make amends. Now, I feel like it is either her turn, or this friendship isn't as "real" as I thought? :shrugs:

However, I am going through such a happy time in my life (about to be engaged, buying our first home together, great job and family) and sometimes, it feels somewhat hollow knowing that this particular friendship is "over". Should I give in or give up?:noggin:

Also, as a general question: Have you ever had a falling out with a good friend, and how did you deal it? Did you ever make up? :sad:
 
#3
It sounds like you really want her back in your life. I am having a falling out with a really good friend of mine right now too. I've done my part to try to get them back into my life, but at this point in my mind its all on them. Even if they dont want to resume the friendship I did all I could possibly do. Good luck! I know how hard it is to not have someone you really care about in your life, especially with that kind of history.
 
#4
I'm sorry this happened! Make the effort to contact her...just to say "hi". Don't dwell on the falling out. She may contact you and you can begin your friendship again.

I had a huge falling out with a friend. I really thought I'd never see her again. When I was pregnant with my first child, she found out. She sent me a beautiful card. I called her and slowly we renewed our friendship. That was twelve years ago. It's really like we were never apart. I'm really glad we reconnected. It's good to have her in my life...even though she's not into purses...;) I give her my old ones every now and then.
 
#5
I've been thru this before, and I do believe sometimes we change and this can never go back to what they were before.. You have different interests and ways of living and it just doesn't accomodate as it did in the past. I'd recommend you try and reach out to her just to see if you guys can still go back to being friends, and regardless of the outcome you won't be torturing yourself afterwards with what could've happened if...
 
#6
I just had a falling out too with my cousin who betrayed me when i trusted her with everything and my best friend who accused me of not being there for her while she has been single. I reminded her how she has forgotton the times i have called or emailed but she has been to busy. So right now i have no friends. Nice.
 
#7
I had a falling out with my best friend forever 3 years ago and then my best friend (who is now my exboyfriend) last year. Now the whole group (I used to good friends with everyone) has cut off most communication to me and I don't appear to exist anymore. The first time when it happened with my suppossed best friend forever, I was depressed for months, couldn't stop crying (even when I went to class), and pushed away everyone around me including my boyfriend back then.

Sadly, it never ended happily and I no longer have any close friends. Well, I mean that I haven't been able to develop as strong bonds of friendship with anyone else as I have with them. I still think about them every day and I do feel a little hollow inside without them.

I hope things go better for you and it's heartening to hear other cases where things turned out for the better! I still hope that someday it'll be okay again...
 
#8
I can kinda relate. I had a falling out with my college friends a year ago...I didn't intend on it to happen with all of them, though. At the time I was going through a difficult transition with college and real life and I became really depressed (I was preparing to graduate at the time). I resented the fact that one of them didn't understand what I was going through, and she purposely alienated all our friends from me. I know a part of it is my fault; I didn't open up to them and I didn't have any desire to attend their graduation parties (but then again, with a depressed state of mind, I don't think anyone would want to). She would never tell me what was wrong, and she acted superfake with me (ladies, unless you're a sociopath or dealing with a really egocentric person, you can't fake being nice) and didn't even say goodbye to me when I moved out of the apartment! Then a month later I get an e-mail from her and she acts as though nothing was wrong!

I was so livid, I finally told her what was going on in my life and said I never wanted to speak with her again and I would trash any messages she tried to send my way. I think she passed along the information to my other friends because I haven't heard from them in so long...I don't know if they're too scared to contact me or they've kept their loyalties with the other friend. Eventually, I just didn't want to reach out to them because I felt like they took her side and they wouldn't bother to call me up and ask how I'm doing. I did get a letter from my ex-friend (without a return address) with some studio pictures she owed me and some photographs with me and them...I'm still baffled by this, but I threw the photographs away. A part of me still misses them, but I feel that I'm probably better off and it was for the best.

I feel as though you still feel connected to them...you should definitely try to contact them, and see if you can pick up where you left off. If you can keep in touch, wonderful! But if you don't...you're probably much better off.
 
#9
luckycharm06 said:
I had a very close girlfriend in college (sorority sisters, lived together, partied together..you get the point!), and 6 months after I moved away after graduation, we had a falling out. It's hard to pinpoint what went "wrong", but we drifted apart and resentment built. Now I know that we are both too proud to give in, and with 400 miles between us there doesn't feel like a need to have to.

This has happened previously with this friendship, and at that time I reached out to her and tried to make amends. Now, I feel like it is either her turn, or this friendship isn't as "real" as I thought? :shrugs:

However, I am going through such a happy time in my life (about to be engaged, buying our first home together, great job and family) and sometimes, it feels somewhat hollow knowing that this particular friendship is "over". Should I give in or give up?:noggin:

Also, as a general question: Have you ever had a falling out with a good friend, and how did you deal it? Did you ever make up? :sad:
Click to expand...

Gosh, I'm going through something similar. It's a very sad thing. If feels like both of our pride is bigger than our desire to fix things. I think ultimately that pride is really a fear of being rejected. I don't know. But it doesn't feel good. I will tell you that I think the bottom line is to be humble and "give in" and let her know what's in your heart. But honestly, I find it very hard to follow my own advice. Good luck with it.
 
#10
I've been through a couple of falling out with friends but it happened with my best friend in high school. It had to do with my ex and words exchanged and it took us 7 years to finally talk and hang out again. We will never be best friends again though which is really sad considering how close we were for 10 years. It is a shock what a jerk of a guy and some words can do to the best of friendships.
I also just recently started talking to the other people I had falling outs with and we don't hang out much but when we do, it feels like it used to be. Also, it had been 8-9 years since we even talked so it was strange it was that easy. I think the difference is how close you are/were.
I suggest trying to keep things going. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain friendships over long distances but if one of you tries, you can keep your friendship up.
 
#11
I had a falling out with my best friend in college during our senior year. I didn't even realize it was happening because we were both so busy and then she sent me a letter in the campus mail saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore. WHAT -- are we 4 years old? I confronted her, but I quickly realized that I was better off without her and that we really couldn't have been that close if she sent me a letter. It's been 4 years and I don't miss her and have no desire to ever see her again.

But it sounds like you do have an interest in your former friend, so you can either call them or wait -- she may call you, you never know. But if you don't want to be the one to reach out (which has happened before), then I would just focus on the good things in your life and try to make new friends to rely on who are closer to you. Good luck!
 
#12
I guess everyone has a similar story. Mine happened because I studied abroad for my junior year of college. When I got back, one of my closest friends resented that I left for a year and met my bf there, and just pushed me away. It was really awkward cause we were living in the same apartment. I tried for about six months to get to know her again, and hang out with her, but she'd do weird things like stop talking to me suddenly with no explanation, or be really rude to me in front of our other friends. After the six months, I just grew tired of the whole thing, and gave up trying. It's a real shame that the friendship ended like that, but both people need to be equally invested in the relationship for it to work.

I hope you have better luck with your friendship.
 
#13
I have a simple answer to this...if you want your friendships to work, you have to put forth the same efforts you do with a relationship/marriage.

I had a falling out with a friend a few years ago...it was bad. A lot of hurtful things were said and we didn't talk for a year. We ran into each other one day and starting talking again. We have yet to talk about what happened, but we knew that we both wanted our friendship to work...so we have to keep working on it!

Now, we are the best of friends. We are still very alike yet very different at the same time...but that is what works for us!

I wish you an insane amount of luck! Just give her a call...you don't have to talk about what happened...you may be surprised! You may just start right where you left off!
 
#14
for me it depends on why the falling out happened.

in my case, it resulted from a major betrayal on part of the 'friend', although in her mind it probably was ok that way. so I cut off for about 6 months, knowing that it was better that way for me. she contacted me out of the blue, and being the sentimental a.. I am, we re-newed the friendship. honestly, I could never re-built that trust fully, it just stayed in the back of my head. other things had happened throughout high school but this time it was disloyalty more than anything, something she would have not forgiven at all.

some other stuff happened again a few years after the initial break, and i realised it was time to cut the cord completely. it was never the friendship we had again, and I feel much better this way. when it becomes a drag to see each other and it is like going to the dentist, you have to be honest.

as for you, if you feel it is something minor and only your pride is the way, get over it once more and get in touch. if she still isn't working for it either, you can still drop it. at least you have tried. if you do get together again, i would have it out in the open, if you care about this friendship. personally, nowadays I choose not to have such close friendships anymore, as it seems not to work for me. anyway, too busy to get to that level again, I guess you can only do that when you are in school/uni.
 
#15
I had a falling out with a good friend of about 12 years. It took a year for us to reconnect and that was only because we ended up working for the same company. We were both to pride to give the other a call. It was definitely a weird year without her. We are now closer than ever.

I say give her a call.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back