Has Anyone Ever Wanted a Friendship to Fade Away?

Leelee

Leelee

Up On My Toes!
Jun 6, 2006
7,315
6
#1
I have two friends that I have been close with most of my adult life. But the past couple of years I find myself wondering if keeping this friendship alive is even worth the effort.

It seems so difficult and honestly, I don't look forward to seeing these people any more. It's more of a dread and a commitiment than a pleasure.

Any one else experienced this?
 
#2
I had a few friends from high school and college that once "real life" came along got very... competative, I guess. Every time we'd get together everyone seemed to be comparing lives. It just got to be too much work trying to impress each other, so we only talk about once a year now.
 
#3
Yeah... I had a friend like that once we got to high school. But once we got to college, it cooled down. We only talk once a month, if that, but we do write each other. Maybe you can take a few steps back and take a breather from the relationship?
 
#4
I think that happens sometimes if you spend TOO much time together. I only see my best friend every once in a while, (although it's because we're both very busy), but I appreciate that time with her that much more because of it. And with some of my close friends, I know that I do get sick of them if I spend a few days in a row with them but seeing them briefly maybe once a week is fine.
 
#6
Yes. I recently let go of a friendship. Sometimes I think it is a good thing to do. It is hard to be around people who don't make you feel good. I moved back to Chicago after college and quite frankly don't have that many friends here despite growing up here. I didn't keep in touch with people from HS, and I think I held on to her friendship for longer because I was afraid of feeling lonely. We'd go out but I'd come home upset after things she'd comment about or say and I realized about a month or so before I just let it fade away that this relationship was not doing anything and I no longer looked forward to having plans with her. We had just grown apart too much to really click anymore. While I don't doubt that I'll speak to her in the future, I have not for months. Occasionally it feels weird, but we're just in totally different places and as hard as we tried to relate to each other, it just did not work.
 
#7
I guess we all grow in different ways & sometimes outgrow old friends but good friends are hard to come by & I wouldn't be too hasty in getting rid of them. Perhaps it's just a phase you are going through where you don't have much in common but it may pass!
 
#8
OMG YES! I wish they would go away honestly....I feel so bad but they're nuts! and i try to avoid them but they'll show up at my job....or they have even started crying..."why wont u be my friend??" But seriously i can't take it anymore..

i mean honestly i was going to start my own thread about this but to be honest this one girl i was friends with since childhood grew up and married a pedophile!!!

and she is having kids with him and I cant take it!! I have told her leave me alone..I cant take worrying about u and ur kids and that man and she is like oh but hes nice!!..WHATever!!

believe me he is sick and it was all over the News!! he was a Teacher!! and the sick part too is that she only was dating him casually for 5 months the most when he got caught! and she married him after that!! and there is more, so sick but i wont get into it....and she is always calling me so I changed my number and now she keeps showing up at my job!!

then i have another childhood friend who is always partying and I dont drink, I work alot and shes like come sleep over after work ....um I'm Married!! why would i go out drinking and partying and SLeep Over??what about my hubby?!?

and she's like oh why dont u leave him home and come out with her hubby and Her Hubbys FRIENDS!! WTF!!! and shes always like I hope you get divorced u are too hot for you hub and then we can party all the time!! this is EVERy Day!! her hubby is 24 and they have 2 kids she's 27..all his friends are 23 yr old club kids...I havent returned her calls in months and she keeps calling anyway, and they always get me at work!!

I'm sorry I am so mad.i have PMS and i'm just so mad and needed to vent...AHHHHHHHH
 
#9
Thank you all for sharing your experiences and perspecitves. It has given me a new way to look at this friendship.

I'm still confused, but gaining some insight on my feelings.

I respect these two friends and I definately don't want to hurt them. They certainly have never done anything mean or dishonest. I just find myself wishing this friendship, after 25 years or so, would fizzle out...die a natural death.

Thanks again for all of your comments. I have found them all valuable.
 
#10
Yes...sometimes friendships turn from privellages to obligations. I am in a similar situtation, a friend has done nothing wrong to upset me I just don't see the friendship going anywhere. I try to see her less and ignore her...but it's not working out well.

Hope you find a good solution to your problem Leelee.
 
#11
yes I have. I found that those friendships just eventually fade away on their own. Afterall, a true friendship is only as good as what you put into it. If both parties pull back more then the friendship doesn't have much to stand on. I have friendships where after all these years the only thing we have in common anymore is that we went to the same high school! Its okay though, I still love those people, I just don't hang around with them unless there is a special occassion (reunions, weddings, etc.) Its a natural progression in life and as long as you are loving and respectful, its okay.
 
#12
Yes, and it did fade away. When I was dealing with depression, I became friends with someone who was also depressed. Through her, I found a wonderful therapist and really worked through a ton of issues. It was an amazing process!

But then our lives were changing at different paces (of course, we each have our own!). I was on an upswing, but she was headed in a different direction, turned into a borderline recluse/workaholic (IMO), didn't date much, whined and other than a very few limited things, we didn't enjoy doing a lot of the same things together. Frankly, I dreaded knowing that if we got together to hang out we could only do a, b or c otherwise she got fussy.

Long story short, it became toxic and a drain. I am grateful for her support and help earlier on in our friendship but after that it just was too much a burden.
 
#13
i believe life is too short to waste on negativity & negative people, so thats why no matter how hard it is, i am focused on avoiding and eliminating neg people from my life
 
#14
I have eliminated every friendship in which the person is negative or depressing to be around, and continue to avoid becoming friends with people like this. I just can't handle people who go "woe is me!" all through life, like everything is just so awful, bah! lol
 
#15
Pursegrrl said:
Yes, and it did fade away. When I was dealing with depression, I became friends with someone who was also depressed. Through her, I found a wonderful therapist and really worked through a ton of issues. It was an amazing process!

But then our lives were changing at different paces (of course, we each have our own!). I was on an upswing, but she was headed in a different direction, turned into a borderline recluse/workaholic (IMO), didn't date much, whined and other than a very few limited things, we didn't enjoy doing a lot of the same things together. Frankly, I dreaded knowing that if we got together to hang out we could only do a, b or c otherwise she got fussy.

Long story short, it became toxic and a drain. I am grateful for her support and help earlier on in our friendship but after that it just was too much a burden.
Click to expand...

People like what you describe are emotional vampires. Best that you did the healthy thing to cut this person loose. I've had to do the same and I find it's gotten easier as I've gotten older. I just have zero tolerance for drama now and that makes it easier.
 
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