Girlfriend + Boyfriend + Girl thats a friend??

  1. So I'm just curious what others opinions are. These topics have recently come up between my friends and I, and I was surprised at our differing opinions. I know its mostly females on this board, but I'd be interested in a male opinion too! Like, my bf's reasoning & answers are definitely different than mine!


    *Is it Ok for your boyfriend to have female friends?

    *After you've been dating a guy seriously, should he still be making new female friends?

    *If one of his female friends is forward about wanting to date your bf, and he says no, should he still be hanging out with that girl? If they were friends before, what appropriate "restrictions" if any should be on the relationship?

    *Is there ever any circumstance where a female friend should be giving any sort of restriction to your boyfriend?

    *What if there is a female friend who is not ok hanging out with you the girlfriend and doesnt want you to be at social events she's at.
     
  2. Hehe OK, I'm impatient so I'll post my answers...

    I'm totally cool with almost all my bf's female friends that has never been a problem to me at all. And I don't care if he meets new female friends while we're dating either.

    If there has been a "friend" i don't think that they shoudl really be hanging out anymore and I'd prefer to be there, if I knew they were going to be at the same event.

    I don't think other female friends should have any say in where or how a bf takes his gf or where or where not the gf is allowed to go. If so, then she's not really a true friend and has an ulterior motive... at least in my opinion!

    I was surprised at how many of my friends were just not ok with their bf's having female friends. or making female friends. Most of my friends were on the same page for the last 3 questions. However, the guys thought the hanging out with that girl was ok as long as he wasn't into her.
     
  3. That's such a weird coincidence... I just had a talk with friends about this topic too. My bf has A LOT of female friends and has been constantly making them throughout our relationship and before. It used to bother me a whole lot, but for the most part I'm okay with it now because I figure if he had wanted to be with one of them he wouldn't be in a relationship with me.

    What really sucks is that everyone at home (parents included) always sees him hanging out with these girls and thinks he's cheating on/playing me since I live in a different city. Sometimes I really wish he didn't have so many other girls for friends bc I hate having to hear that on a constant basis, but I do trust him enough to know that they're just friends.

    STILL it really makes me :mad: that he continues to hang out with girls he used to have crushes on etc. So I generally wish that guys would LIMIT their female friends after getting a girlfriend bc it's really hard on most girls to have their bf being around other girls constantly.
     
  4. Of course.

    Sure, why not?

    Well what's "hanging out?" If it's being part of a large study group or church group, no problem. If it's the two of them going out drinking alone together, well no.

    But if he has a friend who isn't respecting your relationship, he does need to set her straight on that.

    It's not the place of a girlfriend to place restrictions on third parties. You need to be able to trust your man, or else you have a :censor:itty relationship, by definition.

    What? I guess that means you don't go. But why would your boyfriend want to go and leave you at home?

    A similar situation happened to me exactly once. My husband, then boyfriend, went to a party one Saturday night without me. He said he just "had to make an appearance" and would be back home within an hour. But if it was good, he'd call me. Two hours passed, then three. At that point, I got in my car and left for Boston - four hours away.

    I left a note saying "I'm taking off for the weekend. And if it's good, I'll call you." He spent all day Sunday calling all of my friends. He finally reached me Sunday night, and I told him I'd be back Tuesday. Maybe.

    That cured that.
     
  5. I think I`m pretty lax probably because my bf doesn`t have that many close female friends :graucho:. But here it goes:


    *Is it Ok for your boyfriend to have female friends?
    Yes. As long as he hangs out with me more than them :p.

    *After you've been dating a guy seriously, should he still be making new female friends?

    I can see why some girls would not be okay with this but I`m okay with it. Just as long as nothing inappropriate goes on like no sleepovers etc. lol :roflmfao:

    *If one of his female friends is forward about wanting to date your bf, and he says no, should he still be hanging out with that girl? If they were friends before, what appropriate "restrictions" if any should be on the relationship?

    Yeah this one is a bit iffy. I think it depends on the guy's personality a lot (if he's a little more outgoing/flirty or not). In this case for me, luckily my bf is the shy type so he'd probably make his own sound judgement. But personally I think they can be friends as long as he doesn`t start liking her.

    *Is there ever any circumstance where a female friend should be giving any sort of restriction to your boyfriend?

    Hugs are okay. I`m actually okay with the one-on-one outings as long as nothing fishy goes on :smile:.

    *What if there is a female friend who is not ok hanging out with you the girlfriend and doesnt want you to be at social events she's at.

    She's not allowed to hang out with my bf anymore if she`s not cool with me :lol:.


    Great thread. Now I should get back to studying for my Human Sexuality midterm tomorrow :shame:.
     

  6. 1.) Yes, it's okay to for my bf to have female friends. My BF is still good friends with all of his ex.

    2.) If a female friend expressed her interest in my boyfriend I won't have a problem with it. I trust my BF completely.

    3.) I won't give a female friend of his any restrictions. I can't tell him whom he can see or can't see.

    4.) I will personally ask what the heck her problem is. I don't play games. If she has a problem with me, she should say it.

    Trusting your BF is a must :biggrin:
     
  7. Okay....well... perhaps I'm the jealous type....as in... when I'm out with BF and the waitress flirts with him and tries to pick him up in front of me, I tell her in a cold voice to axe it before she loses the tip, since I'm paying anyways. :noworry: Doesn't help that BF used to be a model and I look more like a guest international exchange student than his GF.


    No. Actually, haven't run into this problem, since he HAS no female friends whatsoever. He's got female stalkers, yeah, but they're history, and he belives the past is the past. Hmm.... then again, it *should* be okay for him to have friends.... perhaps I'll say YES :rolleyes: ... I"m just not used to the idea as when we met until now....no female friends on his side. But then, he made me drop all my guy friends too when I met him. So it's only fair.

    He can have friends, but not "Friends with benefits" or "friends with other interests". And she'd better not be better-looking than me!!! lol... j/k... I think. But we spend so much time together that we don't really have time to indulge in opposite sex friends... any free time is spent with family or my girlfriends, and him with his guy friends. Dealing with friends of the opposite sex can be a hassle and a time-waster, in my past relationships...guys were always trying to find out "how the relationship is, you can lean on my shoulder if you need to" and girls were always catty towards me for whatever reason. Opposite sex = sometimes operate on hidden agendas. :hrmm:


    No, no, and no. It's just asking for trouble, no matter how much you trust your guy, you can't trust the girl...and chicks can be devious creatures when they feel they are competing with you. BF was friends with a chick who used to crush on him and subsequently got married to BF's friend. Now he voluntarily stays away from that couple cuz he knows it makes me uneasy. She STILL puts the moves on him when she thinks no one's looking, ugh!!! :noworry:

    No. I come first in his world. And he comes first in my world. I suppose we're both equally possessive individuals, so we sorta deserve one another. His calls every 1 hour to check up would drive most girls nuts, but I appreciate it and adore his calls. My green-eyed monster would most likely drive guys to tears, but he takes it as a compliment. LOL... :roflmfao: I just re-read the thread and I sound sooooooooooooooo EVIL!!! But I swear I'm not.... I just happen to be a tad bit too insecure and he happens to be the sexiest guy I've ever laid eyes on.


    :heart: :heart: :heart:
     
  8. I don't mind who DH is friends with, especially since he is one of those men who doesn't notice women, and if he does, he comes home and tells me that he met this woman that I should be friends with because she and I are on the same level ;) or that the woman was a complete skank.

    DH goes out to the pubs with his friends and I don't go with him (because I'm alcohol intolerant and I don't like being a room with loud, slightly drunk people). Sometime he tells me that a woman hit on him (rare), but he hates it, and finds it repulsive.

    If any woman in our circle of friends tries to hit to DH, I can say for a fact that we won't be socialising with her again. There is no way that I could be with a man who enjoys being socialising with other women, no matter how benign it is. IMHO, it's just not right.
     
    1. Is it Ok for your boyfriend to have female friends?
    2. After you've been dating a guy seriously, should he still be making new female friends?
    3. If one of his female friends is forward about wanting to date your bf, and he says no, should he still be hanging out with that girl? If they were friends before, what appropriate "restrictions" if any should be on the relationship?
    4. Is there ever any circumstance where a female friend should be giving any sort of restriction to your boyfriend?
    5. What if there is a female friend who is not ok hanging out with you the girlfriend and doesnt want you to be at social events she's at.
    Answers:
    Of course, the prerequisite is trusting the boyfriend in question. I am using "boyfriend" loosely, as my comments can also apply to same sex relationships.
    Before anyone starts yelling that I'm exactly the kind of girl they'd be wary of, I would not date someone who is not available and single.
    1. Is it ok for me to have male friends? Yes. So why should I have double standards?
    2. Would I refrain from making friends with a guy because I'm in a relationship? No. Because I don't have a hidden agenda to shag all my male friends. To me, saying Don't make female friends is on the same level as Don't make friends out of your ethnic group. It's "racist".
    3. If she is forward about it directly to me, then she probably isn't "on the market" for him anymore. If I learn of it, I'd be wary but no restrictions. If he's incapable of saying no clearly and not putting himself in situations that will create a "situation", then I probably shouldn't be with him.
    4. Restriction creates a need. If you display distrust (it may be directed at the women but he will still see it as a judgement of him), he will look elsewhere when he gets tired of undue suspicion. Trust is essential in a relationship. If I'm incapable of holding the attention of a guy without having to resort to being possessive, then perhaps I'm the one with a problem.
    5. I'm confrontational and blunt, so I'll make contact with her and tell her to sort her act. If the boyfriend mentions that she doesn't want me there and that he agrees, then it's time to wonder if he's not the one with a hidden agenda.
    I'm not a supporter of mental "games" or the general attitude by which the woman in the relationship assumes that all other women have a hidden agenda concerning their boyfriend.
    You may think your boyfriend is the best thing after sliced bread (and I certainly think mine is and try to treat him as such) but he probably isn't such a valuable commodity that you need to systematically treat all women as competition. Some women will. A few bad apples shouldn't ruin the basket.

    Then again, men aren't children and don't need to be "protected" from other women. If they can't say no and keep it in their pants, you're better off without, no matter how much it hurts at first.

    Basically, it comes down to you. If you can't hold his attention by yourself, without having to resort to tactics (friend-banning, pregnancy scares...) then perhaps you need to reevaluate the importance of this man in your life. And reevaluate how high you place your own value.
    Jealousy comes, IMHO, from insecurity and a lack of trust in yourself. If you believe you are gorgeous and worth keeping (because you are, no matter what you or anyone else says), you're multiplying your chances of finding the right guy who will make the effort to keep you.

    Isolating a guy from any of his friends and you're running the risk that they will actively seek to separate you. If you can't get along with them, you need to at least be considered benign enough to be the guy's girlfriend.

    In this day and age, there are very few cases of "one and only love from day 1". The people who experience this are lucky but the rest of us are left to deal with exes, messy breakups, messy getting-togethers and whatnot. There isn't much point in adding problems by creating situations with friends.

    Being the center of another person's life and making him the center of yours is tempting, but you can't be a complete person if you're always only one half of a couple.
    Always ask yourself if you would stand for the same things being asked of you. Would you want to be controlled, your every move tracked, your friends questionned?
    I wouldn't stand being separated from my friends so I would never ask my boyfriend to isolate himself from his.

    Games of seduction are great, games of control and entrapment are ugly.
     
  9. *Is it Ok for your boyfriend to have female friends?

    Yes, he doesn't stop me so why should I stop him? But I think I'm saying yes cause he doesn't have any female friends. ;)

    *After you've been dating a guy seriously, should he still be making new female friends?

    I don't see the harm especially if I get to know them too. All BF's female friends are my female friends too. Most he met through me and a few I met through him but not really. They're just the GFs of his guy friends.

    *If one of his female friends is forward about wanting to date your bf, and he says no, should he still be hanging out with that girl? If they were friends before, what appropriate "restrictions" if any should be on the relationship?

    He can continue to hang out with her if he wants to but I prefer him not to. He already said no and I trust him completely. I might not trust the girl (like she might throw herself on to him or what not) but I know he will not act on whatever advances she might do.

    *Is there ever any circumstance where a female friend should be giving any sort of restriction to your boyfriend?

    Hell no.

    *What if there is a female friend who is not ok hanging out with you the girlfriend and doesnt want you to be at social events she's at.

    I don't give a rat's @** at what she thinks. If I want to be there and can be there, I'll be there.
     
  10. *Is it Ok for your boyfriend to have female friends?
    Yes

    *After you've been dating a guy seriously, should he still be making new female friends?
    Of course, it's kind of hard to avoid, isn't it?

    *If one of his female friends is forward about wanting to date your bf, and he says no, should he still be hanging out with that girl? If they were friends before, what appropriate "restrictions" if any should be on the relationship?

    I think it differs from situation to situation. I have a friend that was in this situation, and her bf's female friend was always really nasty to her, to the point of showing my friend pictures of her bf with ex-girlfriends, just to make her feel bad. She was jealous of their relationship, and would call him "my [insert his name]" in front of my friend. Restrictions were needed in that situation b/c she was definitely out to ruin their relationship.

    *Is there ever any circumstance where a female friend should be giving any sort of restriction to your boyfriend?

    So long as she's not romantically interested in him, no.


    *What if there is a female friend who is not ok hanging out with you the girlfriend and doesnt want you to be at social events she's at.

    Tough nuts to her. She's not his mother or girlfriend. If she doesn't want the girlfriend at a certain event, the boyfriend shouldn't be going either. Someone pulling a move like that isn't anyone's friend.
     
  11. *Yeah, as long as they're not into him.

    *I'm actually in this situation more or less. my bf still insists on hanging out with his ex. we've been dating for 1.5 years now. they do hang out alone and i hate it to death:mad: . they also talk on the phone everyday for around 1/2 hour. but there's no "restricting" him no matter how much i hate it. recently she even sent him naked pictures, his excuse was that he couldn't stop her. this girl is also obssesed with him and would do anything to spend the rest of her life with him. short of murdering her (don't think that's an option, lol), i think there's nothing i could ever do to stop her, or the two of them for that matter.

    *his ex is not ok with me hanging out with them and she hates me just as much as i hate her. he says i could hang out with them, but i'm pretty sure he's lying he just knows i won't do it.
     
  12. If my bf wants me there I'm there. I could careless of what she thinks or want. Now if he doesn't want me there than I'd be suspicious.
     
  13. wow....you are a stronger, more understanding person than me. My boyfriend and I were LD for about 1 year and when I eventually came to the USA for 3 months last summer he was always getting texts / phone calls from an ex. I didnt think much of it until one day one of his friends told me how this girl is still in love with him and she told everyone that they are going to get married.Then he told me he always hangs out with her...except not for some reason when i was in the USA..... anyway coupled with the LDR I started to get really paranoid. After going back to the UK I went to stay with him for his birthday..guess what? at exactly midnight she rings...so she could be the first person to speak to him... I was so mad. I would never say he couldnt be friends with her..but I just wish he would decide that himself and save me worry and heartache as we are often so far away..
     
  14. *Is it Ok for your boyfriend to have female friends?
    Yes. DH has a lot of female friends and I have a lot of male friends. We choose to trust each other :love:

    *After you've been dating a guy seriously, should he still be making new female friends?
    I don't see why not.

    *If one of his female friends is forward about wanting to date your bf, and he says no, should he still be hanging out with that girl? If they were friends before, what appropriate "restrictions" if any should be on the relationship?

    This actually happened when DH and I first started dating. This friend of his treated me like :censor: even though I tried to be really nice to her (even though I didn't like her). It's a common knowledge that she'd liked DH way before I came into the picture. DH finally decided to cut all ties with her. I didn't ask him to, he just decided it was for the best.

    *Is there ever any circumstance where a female friend should be giving any sort of restriction to your boyfriend?

    I'm not sure I understand this question. Why would she exactly?:huh:
    *What if there is a female friend who is not ok hanging out with you the girlfriend and doesnt want you to be at social events she's at.

    Back to the mean "friend" of DH I mentioned above. She would get really upset everytime DH brought me along to their social gatherings (she had been friends with DH since they were young, so they had a lot of mutual friends they hung out with). I guess I'm pretty lucky because DH has always stood up for me. He would refuse to go to any social events that didn't welcome me :shame: