FRIENDSHIPS..R U a GIVER OR A TAKER?!

  1. Ive recently noticed that some friends Ive had for a gazillion years havent REALLY been good friends to me.Constantly TAKING..never listening....and why is it that I just noticed this after so many years?HMMMM..I dunno!!LOL!

    Am I the only one that constantly does favors for people....yet when we ever need a favor..THOSE friends are NEVER THERE?
    Or even when we need someone to talk to....they just disappear?

    Im even talkin about some seriously good reasons.My best friend of 10 years wouldnt watch my daughter for 2 hours...WHILE I watched my Father in law DIE.....Ummmm..I swear.She was home with her 5 yr old and I had to send my SIL to pick my daughter up.WTF?
    Ive since distanced myself from her......I never say no to my friends..Im a giver.BUT I guess I have opened my eyes more thru this.
    In all honesty..The PFers Ive met over the last year have become more valuable friends to me than friends Ive known alot longer..I dont know what I would do without them!!..LOL....Anyone found themselves in this situation?Its like a huge lifetime reality check...LMAO.....
    I never say no to friends..Dont know why..I just cant..whether it be to watch their kids....run an errand.....and they know it.So,I guess Ive really RE-EVALUATED my old friendships lately after that one situation ocurred.ANyone ever had this happen to them?I feel like an idiot sometimes when I realize some friends NEVER were friends..and I never realized it till now....
     
  2. OMG I sympathize! I just ended a 10-year friendship. I am definately a giver. I am learning though to NOT give as much as I was putting myself and my family out to help others. Sorry this happened to you!
     
  3. Me too.....Id rearrange my plans to help my friend anytime.....Its sad that Im considering not being so giving..I feel like its hardened me..LOL
     
  4. i'm a giver too. Luckily I've learned who are my 'real' friends and who aren't by the end of high school lol. However, my 'real' friends are not at the same university as me, so I just keep a very light and distant relationship with newly made friends. I think it's best to not get too close to people... I truly enjoy my freedom and solitude:yes:
     
  5. I know but sometimes you have to. Still if a friend really NEEDED me I would be there. I really don't have many close friends anymore because of being used! :sad: I am so wary now of people. :crybaby:
     
  6. I also find myself becoming less giving, except to my closest and truest friends, I'd do anything for them...but for others I question now whether they'd do it for me. And sometimes I feel bad NOT doing what I feel inclined to do. Ok, sometimes I do go ahead and do it knowing they'd never think of returning the favor... but sometimes I do stop myself, and it feels weird.

    My best friend of 11 years I basically just dumped... a lot of listening to her, yet when it came to me she was unsupportive and unreliable... and I'm just so tired of it. It was fine when we were younger, but one day it just hit me, she was no longer my best friend and I was tired of being treated unequally. My philosophy regarding friendship has been quality over quantity.
     
  7. lots of my friends are all about take take take...this is why i have so few close friendships...:sad:

    i have this problem where i can't say no to practically anything...and i know that the people i do favors for won't return them, so i should probably cut back on the niceness.

    thanks for bringing this up jill...it's always on the back of my mind, but this gave me a reality check too
     
  8. Sadly it's the good hearted people who get taken advantage of.
    I'm a giver too and distanced myself from 'friends' who had the 'you make more money than we do so it's your treat right?' attitude. I would be there for anyone no matter what, that's why I never turn off my cell. My true friends know that it's never a 'bad time' to call me if they need me.

    Better to find out their true colors :sad: before you give anymore of yourself.
     
  9. odd this should pop up tonight, i'm feeling at the moment like i've been far too giving with one friend in particular without getting anything (but friendship, i suppose) in return. he means a lot to me, so i don't know exactly how to approach the issue. its a bad feeling, though. very bad.
     
  10. I feel the same way! I go out of my way to listen and be there for anyone, including my family and when I need someone, no one is there. I'm a giver too, and I cannot help it or fight it, I just need to know how to whine and let people know I need help, which is really hard, because I do not want to 'bother' anyone. I do not have many good friends, so it is hard sometimes, but I'm OK on my own with my cat...sometimes...
     
  11. I'm definitely a giver too. I had to end a long friendship with my roommate after I realized what a taker he was. I don't mind giving, but I do mind being taken advantage of. Why is it so hard to find friends who are equally giving IRL?
     
  12. you are totally not alone.....it often makes me sad how few real friends I have?? those who were there for me when I was going through my roughest times.........yeah my 'friends' number dwindles down from more than dozens who i party, hang out with regularily, share drinks... ya know friend stuff HAHa, to a couple........it is rare to find a true friend. but once you do you should cherish whoever that is.
    I used to give give give give ....... and give until I had nothing left
    after many experiences, being ditched, etc. I usually give off the impression i'm cold now. but I am s ooo the contrary. with my friends I'm the most down to earth, crazy person ever... so I'll stop now LOL whenever these friend issues are brought up I just need to vent!!

    it is funny how we all claim we seem to be the only, or of the very few, who give.....but there are so many of us right now. maybe tPF just attracts wonderful people
     
  13. I can definately relate Jill. I am a giver for sure. Although I do have one particular friend that gives to me alot.
     
  14. I am definately a giver....however, I had a friend for years and it took me a while to realize she was a taker and never a giver. Whenever needed, she would always disappear even after she committed to being there. So, I just stopped dealing with her - - cut her off. It's funny that she was a friend from elementary school and I always thought we would remain friends forever, but at 43, it is time to move on. Oh, and don't get me started on the one co-worker I used to consider a good friend until I discovered she always talked about me behind my back or told my personal business to others. When I discovered that, I totally cut her off and out of my life. I now have the reputation in the Office of being distant, but I have to protect myself from those who always want to talk about me or be in my personal life. I guess because I am a giver, I always seem to end up on the invite list for weddings, birthdays, etc. but never show up nor do I send gifts to things I have been invited to office-related.

    I have two other friends whom would jump leaps and bounds to help me at any time and I would and have done the same for them :yes: :yes:

    Excuse me for going on and on, but this is one subject that has become so touchy to me lately....
     
  15. I believe if you reach to a point wondering then there's definitely something wrong in your friendship. In my life, i have known givers and takers.. naturally, the takers disappeared and i'm very thankful and blessed for the friends i have now.