For those with SO's/BF's/DH's who travel for work..

  1. Hi all,

    How do you gals deal with your SO's who travel and you hardly see and talk to them?

    My BF just recently got a great job at a great firm in NYC, but it requires him to travel all the time, and we hardly see or talk to each other. This is a huge shock to me, as we always used to talk, even though we hardly saw each other but, its hard for him to find time to call me... I hate it and dont know how to deal with it.. when hes traveling, I get so paranoid that hes having fun without me, meeting new people (ie. women) and I get the worse nervous paranoid feelings.. I know he would (i hope) never cheat on me, because hes just not that kind of "ballsy" guy, and I tell him that these ideas of other women and liking his job too much and just not making me a priority anymore.. but, he assures me everything is fine and I believe him...

    I just need some advice as to how to put my mind to rest and get used to not talking to him as much.. it hurts so bad.. I dont want to be a slave to my cellphone, carrying it everywhere with me (incl. the bathroom) for the fear that I would miss his call... :sad:

    TIA :heart:
     
  2. Sorry I am new here... what do SO and DH stand for?
     
  3. I am very sorry to hear that, though, that must be so hard! I would feel the same way as you, but in that situation in my opinion, the best thing to do is maybe schedule times that you have just to talk to him and spend time with you so you know what to expect, and then when he is away, spend lots of time with your girlfriends and take some nice time to be good to yourself and do things you enjoy on your own. I really hope it works out!
     
  4. SO = Significant other
    DH = Dear (or darling) husband

    Kissmedeadly - I hear where you're coming from though in my case I'M the road warrior traveler in my relationship. I'm gone overseas for sometimes a month at a time, and with a 15 or 16 hour time difference. It's hard but definitely doable...especially if you and your BF have a good talk to set expectations during the travel times.

    The biggest issue I'm reading from your post is with trust - you trusting him to be traveling without you...meeting new people (women). Sit down and have a good heart-to-heart talk. Tell him your fears and listen to what he says. Heck, he might even be worried that you might get 'lonely' when he's gone...anyway, an open conversation will do wonders to calm your anxieties.

    From a logistical perspective, talk with him about:
    • Setting specified times to call each other, like every night before going to sleep or every morning when you/he wakes up. If you're really far away and cell phone costs are high, you can use Skype or another VOIP service to keep in touch while keeping costs low (my BF & I Skype when I'm overseas)
    • Using text or instant messenging for quick keep-in-touch communications
    • Sending pictures over cell phones or email. Sometimes a "Hey, check me out in Shanghai! Miss you!" picture is a nice surprise. Likewise, a "Hi! Wanted to show you the sunrise / picture of the dog / something from home. Miss you." picture is a great way for him to feel connected to you when he's gone.
    Good luck!
     
  5. This is sending up a flag for me...How long have you guys been together? If it's been long enough to make you this upset at time without him, it should be long enough for you to have proven your loyalty to each other, IMO. You guys should really have a chat the next time he is home.
     
  6. You took the words right out of my mouth :smile: Er, fingers.
     
  7. I am confused, is he working ALL day and ALL night as well? I can't imagine why you wouldn't be able to talk at least twice a day? My DH travels frequently however we chat often. I wonder if your BF is just paying his dues or is this something that will continue for years?
     

  8. I know, I always try to keep busy when I know hes in meetings etc... its not like we hardly talk, just not as much as Id like, so im being a baby.. he works for a big finance consulting firm and is always in meetings, at night he just passes out..
     

  9. We've been together for 5 years and survived all through college, we met in HS. We did have the "women" talk and he said that he only has eyes for me etc and I really believe him because theres been no signs or whatever, but its just my paranoia after hearing stories from my friends' breakups etc.

    I guess I just have to gain some self-confidence and will power
     
  10. Well its his first year and he works about 85 hours per week..
     
  11. My husband has been a engineering consultant for about 20 years now. And we have our own consulting company so I feel a little qualified to answer. If he is working for one of the big 5's he is not really having "a lot" of fun.. he is working and that is draining and he has billable hours to meet and make esp since he is new. I wouldnt get too paranoid unless living in a hotel room for months at a time is what you call fun. Because it is a new job for him it may have some appeal right now and is so new to you as well but after a while it gets taxing on you and all you want to do is go home and sleep in your own bed and not have to eat restaurant food all the time. I've lived in hotels for months at a time and it gets boring. So when my husband travels without me we keep in touch by phone or email. I try not to bother him during the day and usually at night he is having dinner with a client. If I'm there then I go along, but our clients are different. They are the presidents or lawyers of the companies ususally because of the nature of our work. My friend just started with a big 5 and she has a new baby and travels alot too. I think you will have to get used to it. I worked for a big 5 in Canada and I was a slave to my job, it is the nature of the business, your WIP (work in process). I guess if you have a stong relationship it will last, it is just work. If his eye wanders than there is nothing you can do to prevent that really, because you cant force someone to stay faithful.. I wouldnt get to worried about it or be too paranoid because it his job and if he does well it is also pretty lucrative if he pays his dues. (To give you an idea of how much of a road warrior we are, we've got over 600,000 miles on United alone to date and counting) and both him and I have reach premier status on more than one airline, so we travel a lot for work. I just picked him up at the airport tonight and on Monday we are going on another work trip. So stay busy, and make each other a priority but you have to get used to it or else it will always be a sticky issue with you too, it isn't going to improve unless you talk about it though.
     
  12. ^^ thanks so much for the advice snoozle, glad to hear im def not the only one... the airline miles are a perk, yes :smile:
     
  13. My bf has a business here in the Philippines., but because of his dual citizenship, he also goes to nyc(where he also lives...) every few mos.. We always talk thru vonage so he has no reason not to call me lolz... plus its been like 5 +++ yrs, so we are very used to our situation.. I stay busy and keep myself from calling him every now and then (cause sometimes I feel like Im being clingy..) Its just a matter of trust :smile: IMO and I agree w/ snoozle - "make each other a priority "
     
  14. Yeah no problem, now I gotta go some laundry and pack for Monday. The travels perks are pretty good. Like you said, you have to stop being a baby about it and get some self confidence and outside hobbies that don't revolve around when your bf is going to call. It will all work out if you let a lot of your insecurities wrt his job go.
     
  15. Kiss Me, I can relate...ever since I met my boyfriend, he has worked long hours and travels all over, so we really take advantage of the time we spend together. I always call him, and he answers when he is able to and I am very involved in what happens in his work environment, because he shares it with me. I was aware of him meeting women all the time (he's in sports) so we did talk about it when we first began dating. It was good to get it out in the open, and I trust him. He is also very inclusive, by taking me to events, games, etc. so I get to meet people he works with. Hang in there!