. . . . and my boyfriend looking at other women doesn't help matters, either! (I am posting this for a friend of mine.) My self esteem has gone down so much. I have a long-term boyfriend who is great, but I know I am not the hottest of all, I gained a good 15-20lbs since I met him and I am ashamed to admit that I hate myself now. We were just at the beach and some hot girl walks by in heels and a sexy dress.......I KNOW he looked at her bc after she was gone, he was saying how cool her shoes were. Clearly he checked her out. Being Asian, it's rare that there are any BIG girls. I'm a big girl and I have lots of self esteem issues. That just makes me feel so low because I'm insecure with my weight and body. He apologized and said he loves me but we've been together for so long that he barely compliments me anymore. I don't feel so good with myself. This has happened before and I found myself really angry with ME and I even started beating myself up physically just out of anger. I know that sounds crazy.