Favorite SNL Sketches of All Time
- Thread starter caitlin1214
- Start date
kids)
It's Happy!
It's Fun!
It's Happy Fun Ball!
(announcer)
Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball,
the toy sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
Only 14.95 at participating stores!
Get one Today
(background voice)
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid
prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse Sweating
or
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container
and kept under refrigeration.
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products
Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of
any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which
fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
(announcer)
It's Happy!
It's Fun!
It's Happy Fun Ball!
(announcer)
Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball,
the toy sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
Only 14.95 at participating stores!
Get one Today
(background voice)
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid
prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse Sweating
or
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container
and kept under refrigeration.
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products
Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of
any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which
fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
(announcer)
The Ambiguously Gay Duo {I love the suggestive poses / gestures and the phallic shaped car. I love when things get suggestive and people start staring, Ace and Gary always ask, "What's everyone looking at?" and everyone replies, "Nothing!"}:
"The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
They are taking on evil, come what may
They are fighting all crime to save the day.
They're extremely close in an ambiguous way.
They're ambiguously gay.
They're ambiguously gay.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!"
[cut to Big Head's secret laboratory, Big Head and his Thugs sitting around a table still discussing Ace & Gary]
Thug #2: I really don't see it..
Big Head: Please.
Thug #2: I thought they were just Super Pals?
Big Head: Look, I don't have a problem with it! That's not what this is about!
Gary: Kids, if you follow our tips, you can have a good time...
Ace: And a SAFE time.
Gary: Come along!
[CUT to Ace and Gary riding a tandem bike. Ace is in the lead, while Gary holds snugly onto his hips.]
Ace: Always ride on the right side of the street. [rings bell]
Gary: And signal when making turns! [signals turn with right arm]
Ace: Riding at night requires special attention. A reflector suit, like Gary’s here, ensures that you’ll be seen.
[Gary is wearing gold medallions across his chest and beltline, on his knees, and over his crotch.]
Butch: See what I mean?
Willie: That don’t mean anything.
Ace: Look both ways before crossing the street.
Gary: [takes Ace’s hand] And always hold hands with your buddy!
Ace: The buddy system should be used in all potentially unsafe situations, like swimming, bike riding, and showering.
[CUT to Ace and Gary on the living room floor. Holding an electric cord, Gary is on his hands and knees while Ace kneels behind him.]
Gary: Never pull out a plug by its cord!
Ace: That’s right, Gary. Grab the plug by the male end and stick it in the hole.
Gary: Just stick it in, and don’t play with it!
Ace: Right. Don’t pull it out, just leave it in. Got it?
Kids: [stunned] Yeah.
"The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
They are taking on evil, come what may
They are fighting all crime to save the day.
They're extremely close in an ambiguous way.
They're ambiguously gay.
They're ambiguously gay.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!"
[cut to Big Head's secret laboratory, Big Head and his Thugs sitting around a table still discussing Ace & Gary]
Thug #2: I really don't see it..
Big Head: Please.
Thug #2: I thought they were just Super Pals?
Big Head: Look, I don't have a problem with it! That's not what this is about!
Gary: Kids, if you follow our tips, you can have a good time...
Ace: And a SAFE time.
Gary: Come along!
[CUT to Ace and Gary riding a tandem bike. Ace is in the lead, while Gary holds snugly onto his hips.]
Ace: Always ride on the right side of the street. [rings bell]
Gary: And signal when making turns! [signals turn with right arm]
Ace: Riding at night requires special attention. A reflector suit, like Gary’s here, ensures that you’ll be seen.
[Gary is wearing gold medallions across his chest and beltline, on his knees, and over his crotch.]
Butch: See what I mean?
Willie: That don’t mean anything.
Ace: Look both ways before crossing the street.
Gary: [takes Ace’s hand] And always hold hands with your buddy!
Ace: The buddy system should be used in all potentially unsafe situations, like swimming, bike riding, and showering.
[CUT to Ace and Gary on the living room floor. Holding an electric cord, Gary is on his hands and knees while Ace kneels behind him.]
Gary: Never pull out a plug by its cord!
Ace: That’s right, Gary. Grab the plug by the male end and stick it in the hole.
Gary: Just stick it in, and don’t play with it!
Ace: Right. Don’t pull it out, just leave it in. Got it?
Kids: [stunned] Yeah.
omg. i am laughing at the computer. these are all ones i love, too. i also love the synchronized swimming skit "i'm not a strong swimmer"... "lift with the legs, hercules"... "choppin' broccolli"... i'll think of more later. this is a great thread.
I just LOOOOOVE the one with Cheri Oteri as "Mrs. DelVecchio" and Sylvester Stallone. I can't remember exactly how it goes, but what I do remember is I couldn't stop laughing. And kept laughing at it for days when I thought about it.
I think my favorite SNL sketch is from the nineties, back when I was in high school. They were doing a parody of "The Real World." I think they were specifically targeting the second cast. At any rate, they had a character, I believe Mike Myers, who kept saying, "I'm from Dublin" as a mockery of that Irish guy from the cast. And of course, Ellen Cleghorne was there to parody Tammy, etc. I remember a SNL sketch, also, when Bob Dole got kicked out of the house. I can't remember if it was the same episode and parody cast or a different episode, but it was funny.
Another one I like is from a few years ago. The one with "Colonel Angus." Hillarious.
And I also remember the "Nutrific" skit..."It's NUT very good!"
Another one I like is from a few years ago. The one with "Colonel Angus." Hillarious.
And I also remember the "Nutrific" skit..."It's NUT very good!"
One of my favorite episodes was when Jim Carrey was hosting. He was promoting Cable Guy at the time.
Spartans:
"Mess him up! Mess him up!
We don't care!
There's a big red ambulance right over there!
Stitch him up and check his pulse,
Get 'em a bed pan!
The only one to call is Doc Kevorkian!
Hook 'em up, Let 'em drip,
Die!"
Together: [cheering]
"Uh! Ungowa,
Spartans got the power!
We're the winning tribe,
Just try to catch our vibe!
Nam yo ho reng gay chow!
Go Spartans!"
Craig: "Hey! Who's that Spartan doin' some Tai Chi?"
Arianna & Lochmiel: "It's me! It's me!"
Craig: "I said who's that Spartan doin' some Tai Chi?"
Arianna & Lochmiel: "It's me! It's me!
Together: "Uh-huh, Uh-huh,
Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!
Asian Immigrants!"
Arianna: Where is she..? [ looks up and yells towards Alexis ] What, Alexis? What? His name is "Lochmiel". Yeah, he's foreign, yeah, that means he has an accent and is kind of stinky. He's kind of stinky! He stinks! I can't hear! Call me later, okay! [returns to Craig and Lochmiel]
Craig: Lochmiel, super-spirit doesn't come from a pharmacy. It comes from within.
Arianna: Yeah. The only prescription you need is the Perfect Cheer!
[Lochmeil tosses the pills]
Craig & Arianna: Now let's blow this mother out!
Lochmiel: [confused] Do what to my mother?
Craig & Arianna: Let's kick it!
Lochmiel: Oh. The Spurtan!
Overprotective Lifeguard:
[open on Man relaxing in an indoor jacuzzi, as a freaky-looking Lifeguard enters]
Lifeguard: [standing over jacuzzi, blowing a whistle] No rough-housing.. in the jacuzzi! Settle down, please!
Man: You're, uh.. you're talking to me?
Lifeguard: Cut the horseplay, Sir.. or I'll be forced to eject you from the swimming facility.. thank you, so much!
Man: I'm sorry.. uh.. who exactly are you?
Lifeguard: [sits atop lifeguard chair and points at "Lifeguard On Duty" sign] Lifeguard on Duty, Sir! If you don't mind, I have to watch the water! [stares intently at the water in the jacuzzi]
Man: You're the lifeguard for the little jacuzzi here?
Lifeguard: Correct, Sir! Continue splashing, and I'll be forced to ban you from all aquatic activity! Thank you!
Man: you know, I'm just splashing water on myself, on my face.. But I'm the only guy in this jacuzzi right now..
Lifeguard: I am on watch, Sir.. I cannot have this conversation right now! [stares at jacuzzi through binoculars - notices Man stretch himself across the jacuzzi, so he whips out a bullhorn] ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! YOU ARE TOO FAR!! RETURN IMMEDIATELY!!
Man: Are you talking to me?
Lifeguard: [waving naval flags] Slide back to the wall! You are blocking the bubble jets! Repeat! You are blocking the bubble jets!
I'll See You In Hell:
Narrator: [over scroll] "Six months went by, and Joe Pilson ocntinued to use the phrase, "I'll see you in Hell" until it became so entrenched in his vernacular, that the words completely lost their power."
[dissolve back to interior, office, as Joe types on his computer and is interrupted by a phone call]
Joe Pilson: Hello! No, you must have the wrong number. That's okay. I'll see you in Hell! [hangs up]
[Jill 2 walks up] Oh, uh, here's tht computer disc you needed.
Joe Pilson: Thanks a lot, Jill. See you in Hell!
[Mr. Steiner enters the office with Mr. Henry in tow]
Mr. Steiner: Joe, this is Mr. Henry.
Mr. Henry: Hey.
Joe Pilson: It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Henry. [under his breath] I'll see you in Hell.
Mr. Henry: I'm sorry?
Mr. Steiner: Uh, nothing, nothing. I believe you have a payment for Mr. Henry, Joe.
[Joe sits down and rummages through a drawer in his desk]
Mr. Henry: [sits next to Joe] Well. It's been great doing business with you, by the way.
Joe Pilson: Well. It's a pleasure doing business with you. [between gritted teeth] I'll see you in Hell!
Mr. Henry: Sorry, what was that?
Mr. Steiner: He didn't say anything. Uh, just give him the check, Joe.
[Joe hands the check to Mr. Henry, who frowns when he looks at it]
Mr. Henry: I'm sorry, but this check is made out to "I'll see you in Hell"?
Mr. Steiner: Look, I'm really sorry. Will you excuse us for a moment?
Mr. Henry: [stands] I just met the man, why does he want to see me in Hell? [exits scene]
Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters:
[Jimmy Tango runs onto stage, wild-haired and spastic]
Jimmy Tango: Hi! Do you recognize this tub of crap? [shows image of fat, bloated man with tiny head] That's me, three-and-a-half weeks ago! Since then, I've lost 155 pounds! [claps] Yes, you heard me right! I lost 155 pounds in less than three weeks! How did I lose all that gross fat? By combining the miracle of technology with ordinary street junkies! Producing this: Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters! [studio audience applauds] It's this simple: wear my patented vibrating heat-bead suit, then jam an unbelievable amount of pure, raw crystal meth into your system! You might ask, "Isn't crystal meth illegal?" You bet! But my scientist, Dr. Cody, spends his days in a tin shed deep inside a small canyon outside San Bernadino, constantly altering the scientific formula of a bathtub crank that keeps us one step ahead the law, and keeps you one step ahead of the fat farm! Fatties, here's my promise: wear my vibrating heat beads, while blasting down handfuls of crrystal meth, and you'll drop weight so fast you'll lose your mind!
Male Client: [ dressed in heat-bead suit ] I'm taking those speed pills of yours, and I'm wearing the vibrating heat beads, and by "Riding your Snake", not only have I lost 65 pounds in four days, but guess what? I found out I'm the Devil! And I will wash over the Earth, and the seas will run red with all the blood of all its sinners! I am reborn! And I've got YOU to thank, Jimmy Tango!
Spartans:
"Mess him up! Mess him up!
We don't care!
There's a big red ambulance right over there!
Stitch him up and check his pulse,
Get 'em a bed pan!
The only one to call is Doc Kevorkian!
Hook 'em up, Let 'em drip,
Die!"
Together: [cheering]
"Uh! Ungowa,
Spartans got the power!
We're the winning tribe,
Just try to catch our vibe!
Nam yo ho reng gay chow!
Go Spartans!"
Craig: "Hey! Who's that Spartan doin' some Tai Chi?"
Arianna & Lochmiel: "It's me! It's me!"
Craig: "I said who's that Spartan doin' some Tai Chi?"
Arianna & Lochmiel: "It's me! It's me!
Together: "Uh-huh, Uh-huh,
Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!
Asian Immigrants!"
Arianna: Where is she..? [ looks up and yells towards Alexis ] What, Alexis? What? His name is "Lochmiel". Yeah, he's foreign, yeah, that means he has an accent and is kind of stinky. He's kind of stinky! He stinks! I can't hear! Call me later, okay! [returns to Craig and Lochmiel]
Craig: Lochmiel, super-spirit doesn't come from a pharmacy. It comes from within.
Arianna: Yeah. The only prescription you need is the Perfect Cheer!
[Lochmeil tosses the pills]
Craig & Arianna: Now let's blow this mother out!
Lochmiel: [confused] Do what to my mother?
Craig & Arianna: Let's kick it!
Lochmiel: Oh. The Spurtan!
Overprotective Lifeguard:
[open on Man relaxing in an indoor jacuzzi, as a freaky-looking Lifeguard enters]
Lifeguard: [standing over jacuzzi, blowing a whistle] No rough-housing.. in the jacuzzi! Settle down, please!
Man: You're, uh.. you're talking to me?
Lifeguard: Cut the horseplay, Sir.. or I'll be forced to eject you from the swimming facility.. thank you, so much!
Man: I'm sorry.. uh.. who exactly are you?
Lifeguard: [sits atop lifeguard chair and points at "Lifeguard On Duty" sign] Lifeguard on Duty, Sir! If you don't mind, I have to watch the water! [stares intently at the water in the jacuzzi]
Man: You're the lifeguard for the little jacuzzi here?
Lifeguard: Correct, Sir! Continue splashing, and I'll be forced to ban you from all aquatic activity! Thank you!
Man: you know, I'm just splashing water on myself, on my face.. But I'm the only guy in this jacuzzi right now..
Lifeguard: I am on watch, Sir.. I cannot have this conversation right now! [stares at jacuzzi through binoculars - notices Man stretch himself across the jacuzzi, so he whips out a bullhorn] ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! YOU ARE TOO FAR!! RETURN IMMEDIATELY!!
Man: Are you talking to me?
Lifeguard: [waving naval flags] Slide back to the wall! You are blocking the bubble jets! Repeat! You are blocking the bubble jets!
I'll See You In Hell:
Narrator: [over scroll] "Six months went by, and Joe Pilson ocntinued to use the phrase, "I'll see you in Hell" until it became so entrenched in his vernacular, that the words completely lost their power."
[dissolve back to interior, office, as Joe types on his computer and is interrupted by a phone call]
Joe Pilson: Hello! No, you must have the wrong number. That's okay. I'll see you in Hell! [hangs up]
[Jill 2 walks up] Oh, uh, here's tht computer disc you needed.
Joe Pilson: Thanks a lot, Jill. See you in Hell!
[Mr. Steiner enters the office with Mr. Henry in tow]
Mr. Steiner: Joe, this is Mr. Henry.
Mr. Henry: Hey.
Joe Pilson: It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Henry. [under his breath] I'll see you in Hell.
Mr. Henry: I'm sorry?
Mr. Steiner: Uh, nothing, nothing. I believe you have a payment for Mr. Henry, Joe.
[Joe sits down and rummages through a drawer in his desk]
Mr. Henry: [sits next to Joe] Well. It's been great doing business with you, by the way.
Joe Pilson: Well. It's a pleasure doing business with you. [between gritted teeth] I'll see you in Hell!
Mr. Henry: Sorry, what was that?
Mr. Steiner: He didn't say anything. Uh, just give him the check, Joe.
[Joe hands the check to Mr. Henry, who frowns when he looks at it]
Mr. Henry: I'm sorry, but this check is made out to "I'll see you in Hell"?
Mr. Steiner: Look, I'm really sorry. Will you excuse us for a moment?
Mr. Henry: [stands] I just met the man, why does he want to see me in Hell? [exits scene]
Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters:
[Jimmy Tango runs onto stage, wild-haired and spastic]
Jimmy Tango: Hi! Do you recognize this tub of crap? [shows image of fat, bloated man with tiny head] That's me, three-and-a-half weeks ago! Since then, I've lost 155 pounds! [claps] Yes, you heard me right! I lost 155 pounds in less than three weeks! How did I lose all that gross fat? By combining the miracle of technology with ordinary street junkies! Producing this: Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters! [studio audience applauds] It's this simple: wear my patented vibrating heat-bead suit, then jam an unbelievable amount of pure, raw crystal meth into your system! You might ask, "Isn't crystal meth illegal?" You bet! But my scientist, Dr. Cody, spends his days in a tin shed deep inside a small canyon outside San Bernadino, constantly altering the scientific formula of a bathtub crank that keeps us one step ahead the law, and keeps you one step ahead of the fat farm! Fatties, here's my promise: wear my vibrating heat beads, while blasting down handfuls of crrystal meth, and you'll drop weight so fast you'll lose your mind!
Male Client: [ dressed in heat-bead suit ] I'm taking those speed pills of yours, and I'm wearing the vibrating heat beads, and by "Riding your Snake", not only have I lost 65 pounds in four days, but guess what? I found out I'm the Devil! And I will wash over the Earth, and the seas will run red with all the blood of all its sinners! I am reborn! And I've got YOU to thank, Jimmy Tango!
I also loved the one where Teri Hatcher was hosting. This was way before Desperate Housewives, and she was on The Adventures of Lois & Clark.
Mood Music:
[open on Man and his Date sitting on the couch in front of a bay window, sipping wine; generic music plays on the sound system]
Date: I love this wine.
Man: Isn't it great?
Date: Yeahhh.
Man: It's from.. So-no-ma!
Date: Well, I really like it!
Man: [seductively] How about.. a little nighttime music?
Date: Why don't you put on something.. romantic..
[their lips move incredibly close together]
Man: I know just the song. [struts over to his sound system along the opposite wall, taking a seductive look back at his date] You're gonna love this.
[Man puts on a Latin rhythm, as he motions back to his date. He sort of tiptoes toward the coach, gyrating his body against the couch as he leans in close for a kiss.. then suddenly jerks upward]
Man: Wait..! [runs back to the sound system, turns the music off]
Date: [really into the music and seduction] Wha-what is it?
Man: Nothing. I've just got something much better!
Date: Well, I-I kinda liked that..
Man: You liked that, you're gonna love this - it's per-FECT! [looks at his date with a sexual longing]
[Man puts on a new song, with an electronic drumbeat and records scratching. He moves closer to his date, reaching out and peeking from behind the arm of the couch like a cat, pawing at her playfully]
Man: Wait..! [runs back to the sound system and turns the music off again]
Date: What was wrong with that song..?
Man: I've just got something much better!
Date: Ohh.. [slighty sarcastic] Well, gee.. I can't wait..
Man: [overexcited] I can't, either! I can't WAIT!! [looks back at her again with that sexual longing]
[Man turns on a soothing female vocal performance, then makes his way toward the couch twisting one leg around the other, then breaks into a series of pre-Mango dance moves. His Date seems slightly interested, until he begins to push the couch to the side with his thrusting pelvis; now she's perturbed, and he senses it and runs to turn off the sound system again.]
Man: [upset] Well, you obviously didn't like that song!
Date: Well, i-it wasn't the song.. Why don't we just try it without the music? You know.. come on over here! Come on! [he's relunctant to come back] Come on!
Man: [shaking his head] I-i can't! I look like an idiot! [motions the vast emptiness of the room, especially now that he's pushed the couch practically out of frame] Look all the space here! I need something to carry me over! You know, some kind of a.. rhythm.. you know? Some kind of, uh.. [snaps his fingers] I know just the song! [looks at her with that sexual longing]
[Man puts on an African beat, moving towards the couch with a dance than looks more fruity than sensual]
Date: [sighs] Sit down!
Man: But I was just-
Date: [pushes him onto the couch] Just sit down.. Shaka Zulu! Let me show you how it's done.
[his Date puts on a "You Can Leave Your Hat On" by Tom Jones, moving toward the couch with a slow, sexy rhythm, stretching her body out and rubbing up and down her legs. She reaches the couch, rubs her hands on Man's legs, then falls backward over the arm to kiss the Man in an upward position.]
Man: [suddenly busts out laughing]
Date: [upset] What are you laughing at?!
Man: What.. nothing.. What are you doing with your body there! Hey, come on! It's kind of cra-zy! What's this? [mimics her dance moves]
Date: That's it! I'm going home!
Man: Oh, no, no! I-I-I'm sorry! Wa-wait a second.. I'm sorry, okay? [a beat] You sure you don't want to dance home!
Date: Oh!
Man: Come on! Let's do that again, whatever that was! What was that?!
Spade in America:
David Spade: Anyhoo.. Now, Teri, you're on that hip show, "Lois & Clark". How'd you wind up with that part?
Teri Hatcher: Is it really a hit show? Uh.. David, I'm glad you asked that. My agent told me that there was a great part for a semi-goodlooking girl who can yell "Help!" a different way each week.
David Spade: Well.. I've seen the show, and it's obviously a high-quality show done by skilled professionals, so I'm sure that it requires a lot more talent than that.
Mood Music:
[open on Man and his Date sitting on the couch in front of a bay window, sipping wine; generic music plays on the sound system]
Date: I love this wine.
Man: Isn't it great?
Date: Yeahhh.
Man: It's from.. So-no-ma!
Date: Well, I really like it!
Man: [seductively] How about.. a little nighttime music?
Date: Why don't you put on something.. romantic..
[their lips move incredibly close together]
Man: I know just the song. [struts over to his sound system along the opposite wall, taking a seductive look back at his date] You're gonna love this.
[Man puts on a Latin rhythm, as he motions back to his date. He sort of tiptoes toward the coach, gyrating his body against the couch as he leans in close for a kiss.. then suddenly jerks upward]
Man: Wait..! [runs back to the sound system, turns the music off]
Date: [really into the music and seduction] Wha-what is it?
Man: Nothing. I've just got something much better!
Date: Well, I-I kinda liked that..
Man: You liked that, you're gonna love this - it's per-FECT! [looks at his date with a sexual longing]
[Man puts on a new song, with an electronic drumbeat and records scratching. He moves closer to his date, reaching out and peeking from behind the arm of the couch like a cat, pawing at her playfully]
Man: Wait..! [runs back to the sound system and turns the music off again]
Date: What was wrong with that song..?
Man: I've just got something much better!
Date: Ohh.. [slighty sarcastic] Well, gee.. I can't wait..
Man: [overexcited] I can't, either! I can't WAIT!! [looks back at her again with that sexual longing]
[Man turns on a soothing female vocal performance, then makes his way toward the couch twisting one leg around the other, then breaks into a series of pre-Mango dance moves. His Date seems slightly interested, until he begins to push the couch to the side with his thrusting pelvis; now she's perturbed, and he senses it and runs to turn off the sound system again.]
Man: [upset] Well, you obviously didn't like that song!
Date: Well, i-it wasn't the song.. Why don't we just try it without the music? You know.. come on over here! Come on! [he's relunctant to come back] Come on!
Man: [shaking his head] I-i can't! I look like an idiot! [motions the vast emptiness of the room, especially now that he's pushed the couch practically out of frame] Look all the space here! I need something to carry me over! You know, some kind of a.. rhythm.. you know? Some kind of, uh.. [snaps his fingers] I know just the song! [looks at her with that sexual longing]
[Man puts on an African beat, moving towards the couch with a dance than looks more fruity than sensual]
Date: [sighs] Sit down!
Man: But I was just-
Date: [pushes him onto the couch] Just sit down.. Shaka Zulu! Let me show you how it's done.
[his Date puts on a "You Can Leave Your Hat On" by Tom Jones, moving toward the couch with a slow, sexy rhythm, stretching her body out and rubbing up and down her legs. She reaches the couch, rubs her hands on Man's legs, then falls backward over the arm to kiss the Man in an upward position.]
Man: [suddenly busts out laughing]
Date: [upset] What are you laughing at?!
Man: What.. nothing.. What are you doing with your body there! Hey, come on! It's kind of cra-zy! What's this? [mimics her dance moves]
Date: That's it! I'm going home!
Man: Oh, no, no! I-I-I'm sorry! Wa-wait a second.. I'm sorry, okay? [a beat] You sure you don't want to dance home!
Date: Oh!
Man: Come on! Let's do that again, whatever that was! What was that?!
Spade in America:
David Spade: Anyhoo.. Now, Teri, you're on that hip show, "Lois & Clark". How'd you wind up with that part?
Teri Hatcher: Is it really a hit show? Uh.. David, I'm glad you asked that. My agent told me that there was a great part for a semi-goodlooking girl who can yell "Help!" a different way each week.
David Spade: Well.. I've seen the show, and it's obviously a high-quality show done by skilled professionals, so I'm sure that it requires a lot more talent than that.
This is my favorite sketch from one of the episodes where Cameron Diaz was the host.
Jingleheimer Junction:
Jingleheimer Joe: [entering the set] Well, hello, hello. Glad to see you all back again with ol' Jingleheimer Joe for more good times. So, let's all become friends and get in a togetherness mood, with your good old pals, the Junction Gang.
[train whistle sound effect. Katie Kindness, with "K" on chest, enters side door]
Jingleheimer Joe: Katie Kindness!
[train whistle sound effect. Carla Caring, with "C" on chest, enters side door]
Jingleheimer Joe: Carla Caring!
[train whistle sound effect. Umberto Unity, with "U" on chest, enters side door]
Jingleheimer Joe: And Umberto Unity!
[the kids are lined up to Jingleheimer Joe's right: Umberto Unity, Carla Caring and Katie Kindness, the letters on their chests spelling out "UCK"]
Jingleheimer Joe: Hey, Junction Gang! How are you all today?
Katie Kindness: Better than ever!
Carla Caring: We made a new friend! He's going to join the Junction Gang!
Jingleheimer Joe: [curious] New friend? I didn't hear anything about a new friend.
Carla Caring: Well, why don't you meet him?
Katie Kindness: Hey, new friend! Come on down!
[train whistle sound effect. Fred Friendship, with "F" on chest, enters back door, stands next to Katie Kindness, spelling "UCKF"]
Umberto Unity: Meet our new friend, Fred Friendship!
Fred Friendship: "F" is for "Friendship"!
Jingleheimer Joe: Um.. I'm not sure that this is a good idea.
Katie Kindness: Not a good idea? Why, friendship is the best idea!
Fred Friendship: Whoa. I think somebody around here has completely missed our message of togetherness.
Katie Kindness: I think we'd better tell him what we're all about.
Fred Friendship: This song's about Togetherness.
Katie Kindness: [starts singing] "What we're spelling out for you-ou.. Is really, really good to do-oo. Caring and kindness are the perfect fit."
Umberto Unity: [singing] "You can do it anywhere! In a parking lot or on a chair!"
Carla Caring: [singing] "Inside and outsi-i-i-ide!"
Jingleheimer Gang: [singing and gyrating] "In and out, and in and out, and in and out, and in and out.." [backs now turned]
Katie Kindness: [turns around singing, reveals "K"] "Oh, yeah!"
Carla Caring: [turns around singing, reveals "C"] "Baby!"
Umberto Unity: [turns around singing, reveals "U"] "Baby!"
Jingleheimer Junction:
Jingleheimer Joe: [entering the set] Well, hello, hello. Glad to see you all back again with ol' Jingleheimer Joe for more good times. So, let's all become friends and get in a togetherness mood, with your good old pals, the Junction Gang.
[train whistle sound effect. Katie Kindness, with "K" on chest, enters side door]
Jingleheimer Joe: Katie Kindness!
[train whistle sound effect. Carla Caring, with "C" on chest, enters side door]
Jingleheimer Joe: Carla Caring!
[train whistle sound effect. Umberto Unity, with "U" on chest, enters side door]
Jingleheimer Joe: And Umberto Unity!
[the kids are lined up to Jingleheimer Joe's right: Umberto Unity, Carla Caring and Katie Kindness, the letters on their chests spelling out "UCK"]
Jingleheimer Joe: Hey, Junction Gang! How are you all today?
Katie Kindness: Better than ever!
Carla Caring: We made a new friend! He's going to join the Junction Gang!
Jingleheimer Joe: [curious] New friend? I didn't hear anything about a new friend.
Carla Caring: Well, why don't you meet him?
Katie Kindness: Hey, new friend! Come on down!
[train whistle sound effect. Fred Friendship, with "F" on chest, enters back door, stands next to Katie Kindness, spelling "UCKF"]
Umberto Unity: Meet our new friend, Fred Friendship!
Fred Friendship: "F" is for "Friendship"!
Jingleheimer Joe: Um.. I'm not sure that this is a good idea.
Katie Kindness: Not a good idea? Why, friendship is the best idea!
Fred Friendship: Whoa. I think somebody around here has completely missed our message of togetherness.
Katie Kindness: I think we'd better tell him what we're all about.
Fred Friendship: This song's about Togetherness.
Katie Kindness: [starts singing] "What we're spelling out for you-ou.. Is really, really good to do-oo. Caring and kindness are the perfect fit."
Umberto Unity: [singing] "You can do it anywhere! In a parking lot or on a chair!"
Carla Caring: [singing] "Inside and outsi-i-i-ide!"
Jingleheimer Gang: [singing and gyrating] "In and out, and in and out, and in and out, and in and out.." [backs now turned]
Katie Kindness: [turns around singing, reveals "K"] "Oh, yeah!"
Carla Caring: [turns around singing, reveals "C"] "Baby!"
Umberto Unity: [turns around singing, reveals "U"] "Baby!"
The funniest sketch recently was Maya Rudolph's Tilt and Freak...watch your parameters LOL.
Will Ferrell's sketches were so hilarious I bought the dvd with his best of SNL. Remember 'the thinker...or the stinker?' SO funny!
Will Ferrell's sketches were so hilarious I bought the dvd with his best of SNL. Remember 'the thinker...or the stinker?' SO funny!
Deep House Dish. I love the host, I love the guests and I love how they're poking fun at that Eurotrash music I love.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Woooo! Woo! Welcome to Deep House Dish, the only show devoted to house music, and dishing out the latest house, and techno music stars. Yes.
(Tiara Zee comes out from camera right)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: I am your host, DJ Dynasty Handbag, and here with a fashion report, is my best girlfriend and co-host, miss Tiara Zeeee. What’s going to be the hot thing in the club to wear this year Tiara?
Tiara Zee: Ok, so I talked to people; and it looks like at the club, we’ll be seeing clubwear. (Her tongue kind of hangs out of her mouth, DJ Dynasty stares at her.)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: That’s it? Ooo-wee tiara, do you realize how boring that was? I'm concerned for you. (Tiara lets out a faint giggle)
Tiara Zee: I know.
Kayleesha Kang: (singing) I told my boyfriend to hold onto the phone. I had to google something while I was alone. I googled his name, and I did a google search, and what I found out, OOO, made my stomach hurt. Google found a picture of my boyfriend and you, I recognize him by his Marge Simpson tattoo, why did I goo-goo-google him? (goo-goo-google) I am through- through- through with him. (Through- through- throughoogle) Don’t google your ma-aaaaan!
(Tiara and DJ Dynasty are “raising the roof” with their hands)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: OOOH! Why did I goo-goo-google him! Why did I goo-goo-google him! I am so through-oogle with him. WOO! Kayleesha Kang! Girl, your career is on Fi-re! If I were to google you what would I find? I mean give us some concert dates.
Kayleesha Kang: Well, on March first, I’m gonna be singing at the Paul Sebastian hair show early in the morning. And then in the afternoon, I’m gonna open in the George Takai gay-lesbian center in Hot-lanta. And then later that evening, I’m gonna be singing at a hepatitis benefit, and then the rest of the month I’m gonna be running errands.
Tiara Zee: I hate errands, I’ll tell you that right now.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Ooh-wee Tiara. Now I’m only saying this in your best interest; but how on EARTH do you manage to be so dull? Tiara just looks into space Ok? Our next guest has a CD entitled; “I am too flawless to be with you people how did this happen”. Please make some noise for Misses Donna Smalls English!!
Donna Smalls English: (singing) My eyes, my lips, my hey-hey! My face, my hips, my hey-hey! My weave, my fingertips, my hey-hey! Girlfriends you better watch your man; one more look, and I’ll have to charge. Don’t- don’t -don’t don’t’ don’tcha wish don’tcha wish you looked like this? , don’tcha wish, don’tcha wish, don’tcha wish you looked like this!? COAT CHECK!! This jacket's expensive!
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Uh-huh. Now does that mean that you wont be able to join me and Tiara for drinks after the show?
DJ Intro: Uh, they won’t be serving horse tranquilizers will they?
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Well it is a club.
DJ Intro: I’m there!
Tiara Zee: I have a question for DJ Intro. (pauses)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Well go on ahead baby girl, go on ahead.
Tiara Zee: …I forgot.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: OOHWEE TIARA! Do you just realize you bored a whole bunch of people?! I mean you are like human ambience! Ohh-kay? We need to get out of here, for me, DJ Dynasty Handbag, and Tiara Zee, this has been deephouse dish, we will see you at the club!
Tres Latraj: (singing)
"I killed couture
In vinyl boots and plastic pants
I killed couture
Eating camembert outside of Paris, France
Bonjour couture.
I kill you you you you you you you you you you you."
Ms. Drama Martinez: (singing)
Monday night, I was at the club
Tuesday night, I was at the club
Wednesday, had lower back pain, but Wednesday night, I was the club
Thursday, ate a bad fish sandwich, but Thursday night, I was the club
Friday, had lead poisoning, but Friday night, I was at the club
Saturday, had a root canal, but Saturday night, I was at the club
Sunday, another bad fish sandwich, but Sunday night, I was at the club.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Wooo! Ain’t nothin’ gonna keep me from cluuuuub! Drama Martinez! Girl, where did you come up with those lyrics?
Ms. Drama Martinez: Those are not just lyrics, those things are things that really happened to me, they’re real.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: You mean to tell me that you ate two bad fish sandwiches, had a root canal and lead poisoning all in one week?
Ms. Drama Martinez: Actually, I had a third fish sandwich, but I didn’t mention that one because I thought people would think I was a moron!
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Well, you must love fish sandwiches.
Tiara Zee: I can’t have fish.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Ohh Wee! Tiara, I am telling you as a friend, make sure when you move your lips, something interesting comes out, or else people is going to think there’s something wrong with your brain, okay?
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Woooo! Woo! Welcome to Deep House Dish, the only show devoted to house music, and dishing out the latest house, and techno music stars. Yes.
(Tiara Zee comes out from camera right)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: I am your host, DJ Dynasty Handbag, and here with a fashion report, is my best girlfriend and co-host, miss Tiara Zeeee. What’s going to be the hot thing in the club to wear this year Tiara?
Tiara Zee: Ok, so I talked to people; and it looks like at the club, we’ll be seeing clubwear. (Her tongue kind of hangs out of her mouth, DJ Dynasty stares at her.)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: That’s it? Ooo-wee tiara, do you realize how boring that was? I'm concerned for you. (Tiara lets out a faint giggle)
Tiara Zee: I know.
Kayleesha Kang: (singing) I told my boyfriend to hold onto the phone. I had to google something while I was alone. I googled his name, and I did a google search, and what I found out, OOO, made my stomach hurt. Google found a picture of my boyfriend and you, I recognize him by his Marge Simpson tattoo, why did I goo-goo-google him? (goo-goo-google) I am through- through- through with him. (Through- through- throughoogle) Don’t google your ma-aaaaan!
(Tiara and DJ Dynasty are “raising the roof” with their hands)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: OOOH! Why did I goo-goo-google him! Why did I goo-goo-google him! I am so through-oogle with him. WOO! Kayleesha Kang! Girl, your career is on Fi-re! If I were to google you what would I find? I mean give us some concert dates.
Kayleesha Kang: Well, on March first, I’m gonna be singing at the Paul Sebastian hair show early in the morning. And then in the afternoon, I’m gonna open in the George Takai gay-lesbian center in Hot-lanta. And then later that evening, I’m gonna be singing at a hepatitis benefit, and then the rest of the month I’m gonna be running errands.
Tiara Zee: I hate errands, I’ll tell you that right now.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Ooh-wee Tiara. Now I’m only saying this in your best interest; but how on EARTH do you manage to be so dull? Tiara just looks into space Ok? Our next guest has a CD entitled; “I am too flawless to be with you people how did this happen”. Please make some noise for Misses Donna Smalls English!!
Donna Smalls English: (singing) My eyes, my lips, my hey-hey! My face, my hips, my hey-hey! My weave, my fingertips, my hey-hey! Girlfriends you better watch your man; one more look, and I’ll have to charge. Don’t- don’t -don’t don’t’ don’tcha wish don’tcha wish you looked like this? , don’tcha wish, don’tcha wish, don’tcha wish you looked like this!? COAT CHECK!! This jacket's expensive!
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Uh-huh. Now does that mean that you wont be able to join me and Tiara for drinks after the show?
DJ Intro: Uh, they won’t be serving horse tranquilizers will they?
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Well it is a club.
DJ Intro: I’m there!
Tiara Zee: I have a question for DJ Intro. (pauses)
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Well go on ahead baby girl, go on ahead.
Tiara Zee: …I forgot.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: OOHWEE TIARA! Do you just realize you bored a whole bunch of people?! I mean you are like human ambience! Ohh-kay? We need to get out of here, for me, DJ Dynasty Handbag, and Tiara Zee, this has been deephouse dish, we will see you at the club!
Tres Latraj: (singing)
"I killed couture
In vinyl boots and plastic pants
I killed couture
Eating camembert outside of Paris, France
Bonjour couture.
I kill you you you you you you you you you you you."
Ms. Drama Martinez: (singing)
Monday night, I was at the club
Tuesday night, I was at the club
Wednesday, had lower back pain, but Wednesday night, I was the club
Thursday, ate a bad fish sandwich, but Thursday night, I was the club
Friday, had lead poisoning, but Friday night, I was at the club
Saturday, had a root canal, but Saturday night, I was at the club
Sunday, another bad fish sandwich, but Sunday night, I was at the club.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Wooo! Ain’t nothin’ gonna keep me from cluuuuub! Drama Martinez! Girl, where did you come up with those lyrics?
Ms. Drama Martinez: Those are not just lyrics, those things are things that really happened to me, they’re real.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: You mean to tell me that you ate two bad fish sandwiches, had a root canal and lead poisoning all in one week?
Ms. Drama Martinez: Actually, I had a third fish sandwich, but I didn’t mention that one because I thought people would think I was a moron!
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Well, you must love fish sandwiches.
Tiara Zee: I can’t have fish.
DJ Dynasty Handbag: Ohh Wee! Tiara, I am telling you as a friend, make sure when you move your lips, something interesting comes out, or else people is going to think there’s something wrong with your brain, okay?
LOL caitlin! Deep House Dish ohhh weee *raising the roof* Beginnings Chang, Kayleesha Kang...lol at the names they think of. I'm Asian so I think it's even more hilarious.
hahaha i was flipping thru the channels and have to say i laughed out loud upon seeing the cowbell sketch again. i cant believe it was ever not funny when they were doing the rehearsal! 
will ferrell...
will ferrell...