Family Guy

  1. I was watching Family Guy Presents: Stewie Griffin - The Untold Story and I remembered what a funny, brilliant show this is! (Not only is the writing wonderful, but the visual gags are SO funny!)


    Anyone else watch this?


    I love Stewie. He's a baby but he doesn't talk or act like a baby! (Sure, he has a teddy bear named Rupert, but that's about it.) He's a Dr. Evil in the making in a baby's body.

    I love Brian. Oddly enough, he's the 'straight' character of the show. He's the voice of reason. Yes, he drinks, and he had a problem with cocaine. Yes, he's in love with Lois, but for the most part, he's very sensible.

    I love Quagmire. He's a friend of Peter's. He's a Don Juan, ladies' man, do anything that moves, hit on every woman, swinging bachelor type of guy. He's hit on Lois a bunch of times. He's the type of guy that can make anything anyone says sound dirty. (And he usually does!)

    (And it's the funniest thing to see either Stewie or Brian drunk.)

    Some of the BEST lines from this DVD:

    Brian Griffin: You're drunk!
    Stewie Griffin:
    [slurred] You're sexy!


    Peter Griffin: Hey, Stewie. How about Daddy teaches you how to swim?
    Stewie Griffin: Go... away... fat man.
    [Peter picks up Stewie]
    Stewie Griffin: Dah! What do you think you're doing? No means no!
    [Stewie hangs on Peter's arm while Peter tries to get Stewie in the pool]
    Peter Griffin: Come on, Stewie! In... the... pool!
    Stewie Griffin: No! No, I don't want to die! I want to live! Live!



    Brian Griffin: [Quagmire is planning a cross-country sex trip and has put up a sign on the side of his Winebego] Hey Quagmire, isn't there an "o" in "country"?



    Man #1: [Lois and Peter are watching a Sam Adams commercial on TV] I'll have water, please.
    Man #2: I'll have water too, but with lemon, please.
    Man #3: I'll have a Sam Adams, please
    Man #4: It's 9:30 in the morning!'
    Man #1: And don't you have an outstanding DUI?
    Man #3: Yeah, but I gotta get the taste of weed and hooker spit out of my mouth.
    Man #4: [pause] I'll have a Sam Adams as well.
    Sam Adams: Samuel Adams! Always a good decision!


    Diane Simmons: In other news, after several grueling days of frightening uncertainty, I finally get my period.
    Tom Tucker: Well Diane, I'm sure you and your brother must be devastated by the loss of the two-headed offspring that might
    have been.
     
  2. I love family guy
     
  3. :roflmfao: I love this programme - i just bought the FIRST season on DVD and plan to get the rest for Xmas! I love Stewie, i'm SO cheesy I've got a T-shirt thats got "I LOVE Stewie" on it! :lol: so funny!!! hehehe!
     
  4. Love it!
     
  5. Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
    Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
    (They all drink.)
    Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
    (Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
    Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
    (Only Quagmire drinks.)
    ****About 33 drinks later****
    Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
    Quagmire: Oh God.
    (Quagmire takes a drink.)
    Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
    Quagmire: Oh come on!
    (Quagmire drinks again.)
    Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
    Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)



    Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
    I woke several hours later in a daze."


    Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
    Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
    Brian: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Night lineup.
    Peter: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
    Brian: That's Street Fighter.
    Peter: Red, blue, green...
    Brian: Those are colors.


    Peter: Oh, Lois, you are so full of (BEEP)! WHAT?! Now I can't say (BEEP) in my own (BEEP)ing house?! Great, Lois. Just (BEEP)in' great. You know, you're lucky you're good at (BEEP) my (BEEP) or I'd never put up with ya. You know what I'm talking about, when you (BEEP) lubed-up (BEEP) toothpaste in my (BEEP) while you (BEEP) on a cherry (BEEP)Episcopalian (BEEP) extension cord (BEEP) wetness (BEEP) with a parking ticket. That is the best!


    Lois: So how was your day?
    Brian: My day? Un-freakin' believable. First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll--HER DOLL for God's sake! Where's the line anymore? Well, I got news for ya, it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone, honey, BAM, freakin' evaporated like a dingy stinkin' mudpuddle. One day you see your reflection in it and the next day it's a, it's a damn oil spot on your cracked driveway, staring back at you, mocking you, knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. That's how my freakin' day was!
    [pause]
    Peter Griffin: You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew.
     
  6. Love and laugh, Love and laugh...
     
  7. :biggrin: I love family guy too!!
     
  8. I was laughing so hard at the most recent episode, my stomach was hurting!

    (It was the one where Stewie gets a tan and Chris deals with a bully.)


    Peter beats up Chris's bully and comes home and tries (and fails) to act all nonchalant. Lois gets a phone call from the bully's parents. You hear "Peter did WHAT!?!?!" and Peter runs outside, climbs a tree and hides in it.


    Priceless!
     
  9. Peter: Randy Fulcher used to pants me every chance he got.
    (Flasback)
    Young Peter: my book is report on The Giving Tree (A kid pulls down Peter's pants)
    Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
    (Class laughs at Peter)
    Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
    (Cut to hall way. Randy pulls Peter's pants down)
    Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
    Kids: (Come out of no where and start laughing)
    Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
    (Cut to urinal. Peter's at the urinal. Randy pulls Peter's pants up)
    Randy: Nerd!
    Peter: (whining) Randy!





    Peter: I'll do it Lois. Right after a healthy breakfast of juice, toast, and store brand imitation frosted flakes featuring Terry the Tiger.
    Terry the Tiger: They'reeeee... food!







    Lois: Well, he did kind of treat us like crap, but, yes, it is a tragedy.
    Brian: It is a tragedy.
    Lois: Excuse us.
    Brian: Yeah, we'll be right back.
    (Lois and Brian are in front of the house celebrating, then Brian grabs Lois' breasts and Lois punches him, then they return.)
    Lois: We're all going to miss him.
    Brian: Tragic.








    Peter: Holy Crap! Evil Knievil gloves! I bet I could do a wheelie with these! (to Brian) How much for the gloves?
    Brian: Peter, those are yours.
    Peter: Ten bucks! Two! Seven! Four! Five fifty! Ten! Sold! Sucker, I would have gone to fifteen easy. (Proudly) I am so stupid.







    Stewie: Ooh, let me have some of that Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: What'd you say?
    Stewie: You can't have a pie without Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: Cool Hwhip?
    Stewie: Cool Hwhip, yeah.
    Brian: You mean Cool Whip.
    Stewie: Yeah, Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: Cool Whip.
    Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: Cool Whip.
    Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: You're saying it weird. Why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?
    Stewie: What are you talking about? I'm just saying it. Cool Hwhip. You put Cool Hwhip on pie. Pie tastes better with Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: Say whip.
    Stewie: Whip.
    Brian: Now say Cool Whip.
    Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: Cool Whip.
    Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: Cool Whip.
    Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
    Brian: You're eating hair!
    (Stewie spits out pie)
    (I start laughing about this every time I'm in the Cool Whip aisle!)








    Meg: Oh, just relax. We're going to be here for a hwhile.
    Brian: Well, I don't know if... Wait. What?
    Meg: We're going to be here for a hwhile.
    Brian: A hwhile?
    Meg: Yeah, a hwhile.
    Brian: You mean a while.
    Meg: A hwhile.
    Brian: A while.
    Meg: A hwhile.
    Brian: A while.
    Meg: A hwhile.
    Brian: A while.
    Meg: Brian, you're acting wheird.
    Brian: Oh, come on. That one doesn't even have an H in it.







    Brian: You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a *****.
    Connie: Excuse me?
    Meg: Brian, let's just go.
    Brian: No, no, no, no, no. Now hang on... hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started putting out when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So, you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19, you're going to be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your step-dad won't want. How's that? Am I in the ballpark?
    (Connie cries and runs)
     
  10. Woman: I am not doing that Glenn.
    Quagmire: Come on beautiful, keep an open mind.
    Woman: You're a sick man!
    Quagmire: Hey keep it down, I don't want my neighbors seeing a fat, old, dirty whore screaming at me on my front lawn.
    Woman: Whore? Well maybe I should come inside.
    Quagmire: Well maybe you should.








    Lois: Look Meg, A, Ear sex is just unnatural, and B, how do I say this, vaginal intercourse is...it..its just tops! It's the bee's knees Meg. Oh, when your rattle it around just right, oh my god! I mean, you remember when we had that old car with the bad shocks, and I used to take the old dirt road on purpose! Meg! Meg?
    (pans to see Brian in the doorway)
    Brian: I love you.







    Stewie: Oh, well let me ask you something. Does she have an alibi?
    Brian: For what, why would she need an alibi?
    Stewie: So your saying she does not have an alibi.
    Brian: Well, no.
    Stewie: Ok, so we established she ain't got no alibi, she ugly, she ugly. (chants) U-G-L-Y she ain't got no alibi she ugly.
    Brian: Screw off.
    Stewie: M, she major ugly, O, she fat and pugly, O my god know the cow says moo.







    Jillian: Oh my god, Brian. I was watching something on TV about this guy named Hitler. (gasps) Somebody should stop him!







    Stewie: Alright Brian, you can do this. You can dump her, because once it's done, never again will you have to listen to her talk like this? You know, where everything has a question mark at the end of it? With an upward inflection? At the end of every sentence?
    Brian: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking? Oh dammit, now I'm doing it too!







    Jillian: ...and then, think about this. Have you ever seen the sun and the moon in the same place at the same time?
    Peter: (gasps) They're the same person!
    Jillian: I know, right?!
    Chris: You're brilliant!







    Peter: Who's sober enough to drive?
    (No one answers.)
    Peter: Ok, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk where you're a better driver because you know you're drunk, you know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn't drive, but you do anyways because, I mean come on, you got to get your car home, right? I mean what do they expect me do, take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that! You take a bus.
    Cleveland: I'm that kind of drunk.
    Peter: (Throws keys to Cleveland) Shotgun!







    Peter: I guess I've learned a little something about what it means to be a good dad.
    Chris: Hey, dad, do you want to play baseball?
    Peter: Oh my God, could you leave me alone?! You are the neediest kid!
     
  11. I love Stewie and Brian, especially when they do musical numbers. Can't stand the rest of the cast much, but Quagmire isn't too bad.

    Brian and Stewie trying to sleep in a hotel room.

    Voice 1: You got the stuff?
    Voice 2: You got the money?
    Voice 1: You ain't gettin' the money until I see the stuff!
    Stewie rolls over in bed: Oh for God's sale...(yells) He's wearing a wire!
    Gunshot peppers the wall above them
    Stewie: (yawns) Oh, well, now that's better.


    Stewie to Eliza: Repeat after me: The life of the wife is ended by the knife.
     
  12. I loooove this show....ok, the whole exchange between Stewie and Brian and cool whip...freakin' HILARIOUS!!! I peed my pants when I watched it. I was a big fan of the show before they cancelled it. So glad it is back.....I have all the DVD sets.

    Anne
     
  13. I love it too !
     
  14. I love this show! My myspace is more or less dedicated to stewie, and I have season 1-5 on dvd (well, actually it's 1-4, but they split season 4 in half and released one half on dvd as season four and the other half as season five)
     
  15. I usually watch Desperate Housewives on Sunday nights, but I flick back and forth between that and Family Guy.


    This sounds weird but as much as I love Desperate Housewives, I almost look forward to it being a rerun because then I can watch Family Guy.