Essential Additions for the American Workplace Vocabulary--quite funny!

  1. I just got this from a co-worker and I thought they were kind of humorous!


    Essential additions for the American workplace vocabulary

    BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

    ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
    inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
    solve.

    SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

    SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

    ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

    SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

    CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

    PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

    CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm,
    then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to Prairie Dogging.

    MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch
    potato.

    WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

    STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

    SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

    XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
    workplace.

    IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trial, Monica Lewinski are prime examples.

    PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

    404: Someone who's clueless.(From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.)

    GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and
    subdivisions.

    OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just pushed the 'send' button on an email with a BIG mistake.

    Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle...
    * Being told to "thinkoutside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long.
    * Notbeing able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you.
    * Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
    * That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese.
    * Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
    * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.
    * 23 power cords - 1 outlet.
    * Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.
    * The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your co-workers.

    And the number 1drawback to working in a cubicle ...
    * you can't walk out and slam the door when you quit.
     
  2. This is my favorite!:flowers:
     
  3. That is priceless, thanks for sharing!!
     
  4. I really hate to admit it, but I have experienced "Swipeout" before!!:shame: :angel:
     
  5. omg a swipeout is so common where i work. i'm like.. swiping and cleaning and swiping and it doesn't work.. we tell the customer that they've spent too much money and need to stop when that happens. lol.
     
  6. ha ha, those are really funny! sitcom...lol
     
  7. thankl you for that list

    it makes me appreciate being in a classroom with doors and no permanent cubicles
     
  8. SRS = Semen Retention Syndrome.

    I used to work with all men and I hated it when they said anything about PMS so whenever they were crabby I used to say they had a case of SRS!! Get it?

    Love the list - thanks for sharing!!