Does my friend have too many parties?

  1. I've been good friends with this girl for the last 9 or 10 years. We met in college, and since she is close to her older sis, I got to know her too, and I consider both my friends. I know their parents, too.

    When we first met, I'd get invitations twice a year from their family, one for each of their birthdays. Each would have a party at their house, thrown by their parents. They're the only ones I know who still had family birthday parties at ages 19-32 (the age of my friend's sister, who's 4 years older than me and my friend). Our families are from the Philippines, and though our culture encourages parties, this is still unusual among most Filipinos I know. OK, unusual, but since they're my friends, I always go.

    But within the last 3 years or so, I've been getting invitations every couple of months. My friend's boyfriend has grown close to the family, so they throw parties for his birthday, too. Then my friend's sister got engaged, pregnant, married, and bought a new house within a year, so the family had parties for all those occasions. And, of course, they had a party for her husband's birthday, and also the baby shower, a party celebrating the baby's birth, and they'll soon have a party for the baby's baptism.

    On top of having to buy gifts for all these occasions, the sis and BIL insist on receiving only money and gift cards as gifts. The reason they gave is that they just bought a new house, and all they need is furniture, and since furniture is expensive, they just ask for a little money from everyone to contribute to the furniture funds. I :heart: my friend and her family, but I feel obligated to bring gifts, and it's getting to be overwhelming. I haven't added up all the money, but I'm estimating I've spent more than $800 in gifts (counting money and gifts cards for the sis and BIL). And...the sis and BIL don't make an effort to show up to my birthday dinners (which are small get-togethers at restaurants, and no one gives me a gift, my friends just pool their money in paying my dinner).
  2. My family is actually kinda like this.. celebrate every little thing.. even tho it might seem like excess, I enjoy it.. a good way to celebrate life and accomplishments etc. I love parties, even little ones with all my friends and family :heart:
  3. Next time bring a bottle of wine, or something along the line of a hostess gift....asking for gift cards and $ is way tacky IMO. We get together for every little family thing too, which I love so much....but we don't expect or have to bring gifts.:smile:
  4. i love parties. my family also holds parties for EVERYTHING, christmas, newyears, valentines plus my moms b-day combined, st patricks plus my b-day combined, easter, memorial day, fourth of july, labor day, halloween, and sometimes thanksgiving. some parties are small (ten or 15 guests, but others are huge, 100-125 people! but we dont ask for gifts, that is rude. therer is nothing wrong with having lots of parties...just lots of parties where one feels obligates to bring gifts.
    but i really think that you should avoid as many of these parties, if it is getting costly..especially if they dont return your favor.
  5. I guess it seemed as if I was complaining simply that my friend's family had too many parties. I guess I shouldn't have spent too much space describing all the occasions, then. Anyway...My family throws a few parties a year, but they're only for their anniversary and a couple of holidays, like Memorial Day or Christmas. No one brings gifts to them, even for the one for their wedding anniversary. We don't ask for them, and we make it clear that we're just happy to have our guests in our home.

    My point was that for each occasion, my friend's family mails out invitations with requests for money/gift cards. So though I still :heart: my friend, the gift-giving was getting costly for me, and yes, I was feeling hurt that my friend's sis and BIL weren't coming to any party I or my family had (even though most of the parties and money requests were for them).
  6. Wow, that family has a whole lot of parties. With my friends and I, we appreciate each other's presence, as oppose to presents. I know people that throw a bunch of parties, and expect everyone to attend with gifts. I avoid those parties.
  7. If they don't attend your bday parties, you don't have to go to theirs.

  8. eeek, we never demand gifts or money... on our invitations we say "Bring your Presence, not your Presents".. i know its tacky, but- thats just a little much... bringing a salad or a nice bottle or wine (which can be $6) is nice. She's your friend she shouldnt expect the world from you...
  9. you can either avoid going since it's getting too costly or go but not give money as a gift. take flowers or something else, or take nothing.

    its a shame that to save money you might have to avoid attending these parties but I hope you don't have to if you enjoy going. no one should feel obligated to bring a gift for a party, particularly a party for a GROWNUP. I feel different about a child's party where I would want to bring a gift.
  10. While I was reading, I thought they just like to entertain (which is stressful for some of us) and no big deal, but then I got to the paragraph about the gifts that are expected. Whoa! That's tacky. It's a money-raising tool for them. I'd either give a token hostess gift, as Kiss Me Deadly said, or decline to attend. It's hard to afford friends like these.
  11. First I thought the same as Boxermom... 'so they like to entertain, no biggie' but then the issue about bringing gifts- well that is plain tacky and really over the top. You do not owe them gifts for each occasion and they should NOT expect that of you either.

    I'm not sure how I would deal with this, but I guess I would have to decline going- or just give a hostess gift like other mentioned.
  12. well it's all fine and cute with the parties, demanding gifts and not showing up for your celebrations is a problem....i probably wouldn't bring more than a bottle of wine to many of the celebrations you mentioned, even to the ones where they demand a GC or cash....

    you can also start declining some of the invitations....for example...if the sister and BIL didn't come to your birthday, don't go to their housewarming or just seems RUDE that you're spending all this time and $ attending their parties and they can't even make it to dinner/can't send a simple gift to celebrate....I'd be very offended if i was you.

    Good luck!
  13. It's VERY tacky to request give cards or money. If I were you, I would either stop going to as many functions, or bring something small to them (baked goods, wine..)
  14. I agree about the kids. I always buy gifts for kids. I've never thought of the hostess gift, but I did ask my friend about registries for the wedding and the baby. She said that for the wedding, there was no registry because they wanted only money at that time (the new house and furniture excuse was their reason). For the baby shower, there was a registry, but it was only at Babies R Us and had only like 5 items on it, which were all bought by the time their friends found out:shrugs:, so of course, the rest of us had to give money/gift cards. And of course, for every other occasion, it's money money money...
  15. they REQUEST GIFTS?
    that is not proper etiquitte
    if you want gifts, then you dont say anything and hope that people are thoughtful...i think theyre just using parties as an excuse to freeload...
    some people think thats ok, but too much is not good