Do you think you can influence your BF/DH´s career ?

  1. And by that I mean either pushing him in another job, or to get a promotion, or change employer....to get something better.

    Bc I love my BF, he is a really great guy ! but it´s bothering me that he isn´t that ambitious. He really enjoys what he does (a different job from his education that I pushed him to get), I know it´s the most important that he likes what he does, but somehow I ´d like to feel more proud of him (inside me, not for others) ! And when he talks about his job he always underestimates it, whereas he´s very talented and smart, he needs to be more self confident......Do you believe there is any way women push their men to go for more ? or that´s just the way it is ?
     
  2. There def. is a way :yes: I mean, we are woman that's what we are here for, right :p
     
  3. My So always says I should -- he is not really happy with the company that he works for right now, but he SUCKS at marketing himself. He sends out resumes every once in a while, but does not actively persue the kind of networking that it takes to get a job at his level.

    So, I am probably going to have to find a good recruiter, work up cover letters, etc.:cursing:
     
  4. I think the more important question is: Why aren't you more proud of him now? If he's happy with his job, if he enjoys it, why isn't that enough for you?
     
  5. Has he said he wants to do something different? I think happiness overrides prestige. If he's happy and doesn't want to change, I don't see why it should bother you? Unless he's down on himself and thinks he couldn't do more, then you should support him and tell him you'd be there for him if he wanted to try for something more. But if the hangup is with you, then it's time for you to stop and say, "Hey, he's happy, I should be proud that he found a job that he likes."
     
  6. hmmm on the other side, my bf's very ambitious. he have lots of ideas in his head, and i'm more of a realistic, so i kinda direct him to the realistic expectations and dreams.
    maybe sometimes, i seems like a dream killer LOL, but in realty, i just kept him in track.
    i supported him all the way, i helped him to pursue his dreams, but ONLY and ONLY the one i think can happen in the time.
     
  7. NO. But he always listen to my opinion and always listen to what I'm going to say.
     
  8. I would never use the word 'push', but my DH and I are a team.
    He asks and listens carefully to my opinions and usually agrees! LOL!
    Seriously, he swears he is where he is today because of me. . . if it's very serious relationship, I can't see how a guy, or a woman wouldn't be influenced by their SO.
     
  9. You can't really influence people's ambition, but if they are intersted in making a change, encouraging them is a great way to facilitate it.

    Before my husband and I were married, he was at a dead end job with an engineering company where his salary would cap very low and he was bored. He spent so much time ready, watching and talking about investments that I said, you seem to have alot of interest in investing and you are really good at it, why don't you make that your career.

    He thought on it a while and said that I was right, that did make him happy. So, he went and got his MBA at night and worked full time (which was HELL on our relationship). As soon as he got out he had a great job and he has been promoted twice and is about to move to a different division where he will make even more:smile:

    The best part though, is that he is happy and fulfilled by his career and he has a balanced schedule (8-5 M-F, plenty of time to spent with me :biggrin: )
     
  10. i think it goes both ways, so I think you influence each other. but I don't think you can change someone significantly, like make an artist into a corporate banker or something like this. some people are less ambitious than others - in the closer family we have a case like this where the woman always felt her husband (who passed away by now) was not ambitious enough, and she got quite bitter over the years and always feels the need to put others down. If you feel you can't change him (if you can great - there surely are men that want and need to be pushed, so it depends on your BF) then you need to make your peace with it IMO, or you will end up unhappy with your rel.ship, and maybe he will be even less confident.

    also, to be honest, he doesnt sound un-confident bec he is happy with what he does. maybe you are measuring against your own ideas of confidence? I always liked the quiet and relaxed type about themselves, it is so 'sovereign' IMO. anyway, just wanted to give you another way to see the things.
     
  11. Thank you for responding !!
    I think where it bothers me it´s the fact that it appears as a dead end to me. Like "OK, this is where we are now -as a team, you are right Swanky- and I feel that´s IT until the rest of our careers, until I take charge and do something..." We are still young so the perspective of sitting in the same chair for the rest of our lives scares me. I can move myself, but I was wondering if it´s also possible to help your other half ??
    -we live in an area where I don´t want to spend the rest of my life -
     
  12. :yes: If he is truly satisfied and happy, who am I to tell him to live his life differently? He has achieved what so many never will, a job they actually like and that pays. Of course he is not satisfied, by all means try to help him.
    On the other hand, you can always push your own self to grow and have ambitions of your own ;)
     
  13. I have influenced MANY a boyfriend's careers.

    They say behind every good man is a great woman -- so true. Guys can really clean up their acts if given a motive (i.e.: YOU!).

    The last BF is a Stanford grad who romantically thought he wanted to become a diplomat. After going through some career options with him like i-banking, consulting, he settled on the law -- much more pragmatic than being a minor diplomat in some obscure Central Asian country. This is not to say that being a diplomat isn't FABULOUS because it is -- but when we were together, I couldn't see myself raising kids with that kind of lifestyle.

    Current boyfriend is a trader at Chicago Board of Trade -- super stressful, intense job. He knows that the second it gets to be too much, he has to go into some other job in finance. He already gets anal about how much sleep he gets because he's scared to make mistakes on the trading floor. I am definitely not going to marry a guy who is as nuts as some traders become!

    I realize I may sound like a control-freak here, but I'm totally not -- I think it's just a matter of knowing what you want. If you KNOW you want a man who is ambitious, driven, dedicated, successful, etc.... you'll get him -- and if you're lucky, it'll turn out to be the guy you're already with, because I believe men really can change. Sometimes they need a little direction.

    I'm sure there will be nay-sayers who say, "What about 15 years down the line when they're in a job they hate because you pushed him into it, etc.," but I don't it's a moot argument. Nobody is pushed into choices: I always figure that two people can work out what's important to them or else one of them can walk away.

    Good luck to ya!
     
  14. I know I sure couldn't with my ex. His passion was art. He had talent. But he had to have a day job to pay the bills. He had a job delivering furniture. Finally he got what I would have called a promotion to an entry-level management position with the same company. The pay was actually lower but I was thinking how great it was because it will lead to more of a career. He hated it and ended up getting demoted to an even lower-paying job.

    The company treated him badly. The coworkers flat out told him they didn't like him to his face. It was an awful job. He's been at that company for eight years now I think. Now he's back delivering furniture. He hates it. I keep telling him how much happier he'll be if he finds another job, but he never lifts a finger to try to do it.

    When we were together I tried so hard to push him to do something else. I mean what kind of career is that? It's not just the money but how can you be proud of delivering furniture all day to people who usually treat you like the dirt on their shoe? He'd mentioned he thought about being a firefighter so I helped him get info on how to become one. He never did anything with it. I'd try to push him to do more with his art career but even when he got a paid project he'd slack on getting it done. I suggested all kinds of things but nothing ever happened.

    That was over three years ago. I finally broke up with him. He is the nicest and most honest and caring guy I've ever dated. I just realized that he was in his 30's and never going to change. He just accepts a dead-end job as life. I don't accept that. I wasn't going to change the way he thinks about it and realized I couldn't live with it.

    While money isn't that important to me, the fact that a man has goals and pursues them is VERY important to me. I think you can perhaps push a man to do something to an extent, but if you have differing philosophies on life and work in general it's not going to do much good. I don't want to have to force my partner to have goals.
     
  15. I would want my SO to be happy with their job whatever it is. So in terms of "influence" it would be more as a sounding board if he needed advice on which way to go. I would never "push" him to go into a certain path because, well, I'm not the one who has to be doing that job everyday.