Do you think how you look has helped or hindered you?

I don't think I'm gorgeous..nor do I think I'm ugly. I'm just average and I'm fine with that. Sometimes, I think society will just judge you and think you have no brains if you are like supermodel gorgeous. ;) I like being the way I am because people know that I do care about how I look and spend time to make my appearance sophisticated, but also that I am smart too. Looks can get you places in life, but you actually need to have a personality and intelligence to STAY where you got with our looks. KWIM? In middle school and high school I had a lot of admirers surprisingly and some girls just hated me. It annoys me that some really old looking men give me suggestive looks and WHISTLE (ugh) when I walk by them or something. I do have a slender figure and I have long legs but that just shows you how shallow the world is these days. I think if you are beautiful on the inside..it will definitely reflect your outward appearance. We all comprehend 'beauty' in different ways so it depends on the person too.
 
I'm considered to be "cute" or "attractive" -- not a raving beauty. Now that I'm a bit older and can reflect back on my teens and 20's, I can see how not being TOO pretty or TOO homely has helped me. Either extreme can hurt you to some degree (well, if you let it).

I think my non-threatening level of attractiveness has allowed me to: 1) be taken seriously by potential employers, 2) be easily approachable by both men and women and alike.

Of course, sometimes vanity takes over and I wish I were supermodel material, but those feelings pass quickly. I'm just glad I was cute enough to snag my cute hubby! As long as we consider each other cute, then we're happy...so to hell with what everyone else thinks! But in the back of our minds, we know that looks will fade with age, so we try not to take the whole looks thing too seriously.

I guess I'm proof that being ordinary cute can work out just fine. :smile:
 
We live in a society that places a value on beauty and aesthetics - to the point where we all give ourselves complexes, hold ourselves to a standard that is impossible to compare to, and then face discrimination in the work-force and society because we don't fit the "image" of that perfect person. there have been studies that individuals that were more attractive in appearance had "better" interviews than other people with equal qualifications and all other professional factors being equal. Yes, it does open doors (literally), but I am a strong believer that this will only carry you so far. You must have the talent, intelligence, personality, soul to get you the rest of the way. Looks will fade - other "beautiful" qualities will not.

I'm so over it all and guilty of it at the same time. I wish I didn't care about how I looked and what clothes I wear (and which handbag i carry), but the reality is i know that is how I am judged and as such, feel the need to present myself in appropriate clothing and hair styles, wouldn't think of going to work without make-up and dressed well.

You're so sweet. Sorry if it came off like I was putting myself down (I hate when people do that). But I just hate having big boobs and I too wonder if certain things would be different if I didn't have em.

Isn't that the truth?!?! :nuts: I'm in the same boat (okay, sorry, I just thought "I'm in the same Boob Boat" and cracked myself up....hey - it's late!).

I have this problem too and it has created a complex and yes, those dreaded self-esteem issues all my life. They arrived when I was 9, were fully out there by 13, and I've hated them ever since. I've always been leered at, had women talk trash about how slutty I was (huh? didn't even do "IT" until I was 20), had women say they hate me because of them, men never look me in the eye, and nearly everyone feels its acceptable to make inappropriate comments about them. Everything from "Oh my god they're so big" to "Can I hold them?" and many many more I can't mention in this type of forum. Honestly, I wish I could just cut them off! I've seriously, seriously considered having them reduced to a more normal size and just blend in.

People always think the grass is greener...I've had women ask if they could take a picture of them with their camera phone to show their plastic surgeon how large they wanted to go. UGH. Why do women think this will make them more attractive and feel better about themselves?

Sure, it'll be fun for a while, but try spending twice as much on bras because the ones that provide good support are super expensive, then buy them twice as often because they don't last long, constant alterations on dresses that need to be purchased at least two sizes larger, not knowing what a button-down blouse feels like without a tank underneath, or worse, looking 40 pounds heavier when wearing a t-shirt or sweater.....oh, and then there's the back pain, shoulder strain, "clothes-hanger shoulder" (basically a HUGE indentation due to the weight / strap digging in), neck strain, headaches, can't sleep on my stomach..

Okay, sorry, I just am feeling horrible from this today and wow that was a much needed rant. :cursing:. I'm :okay: now! ;)
 
I do think how you look can make a difference, whether we like it or not. I know someone who is sort of overweight and doesn't dress well but is a really cool person and a lot of people we worked with didn't like her. I thought she was the most awesome person in the office, and I know the reason a lot didn't like her was because of her looks. I've known other people who were sure they didn't get a job because of their weight.

On the other side, I knew a stripper who got out of a DUI, and I'm sure it was for looks. She basically got stopped, totally drunk, in a DUI checkpoint, and the cop sternly just told her to go home and that was it.
 
Being tall with long legs means that I get lots of compliments on my figure, but it also meant that from a very early age I recieved lots of unwanted attention too. I wouldn't say how I look has made life easier, and I don't think it's made it harder either. People are going to judge you no matter how you look, even if you look average as I believe I do.
 
Attractiveness definitely influences how people portray you and treat you. I do feel that some of the opportunities I've received have been because I'm pretty, but I do also think that attractive people have to work a little harder to prove that they're not bimbos.

Like another poster mentioned, I also feel more confident if being interviewed by a man than a woman. It's strange, but I just feel like a male will be nicer to me than a woman. However, living in NYC makes me sometimes wish I was ugly, like when it's late at night and I'm on the subway. Creepy old men will try to talk to me and it makes me so scared. The city is definitely more dangerous for a pretty girl.

Some of my friends don't believe me when I say I don't like a lot of attention, but it's true. If I'm going shopping by myself, I tend to dress really conservatively and boring so that no one hits on me. Does anyone else do this?

I also feel guilty sometimes if I'm out with my friends, because I usually get most of the male attention (don't mean to sound conceited). Most of my friends are better individuals than I am, and I feel bad that they're not getting all the attention.

I don't think anyone can survive on being beautiful alone, unless you're in the entertainment industry. It's a little unfair that pretty people get more opportunities, but I think they have to work just as hard if not harder than anyone else to keep them.

I hope my post didn't come across as vain, because it wasn't meant to be :smile:
 
This is a very interesting thread. People have been very candid.


This is an interesting question in my case. I am nothing special looks wise. No one every really told me I was beautiful, outside of my mom. I don't think I'm ugly either. In fact, I think I'm pretty 'invisible'; that strange purgatory been attractive and unattractive. If I didn't have a twin sister, no one would ever take note of my looks. When they do, I sense an overwhelming neutralitiy.


And you know what, I LIKE this fact. I feel like I have a clean slate. I have none of the problems that are bred from others noticing looks before anything, whether to admire or judge harshly. I am pursuing a career as a writer. It is imperative that people take me seriously. Moreover, what comes out of my mind cannot be overshadowed by anything else about me. This is a blessing actually. I have nothing to complain about in terms of how I look. But I also know that my opporitunities are genuine. I am headed to work in a town where beauty is all around, every girl is more attractive than the next, and they are actively encouraged to use this beauty to their advantage. There is no doubt that those in a position of choice, ARE influenced by the results of this kind of paegent, whether they know it or not. It is an undeniable fact of humanity.
But, this is not a competition I will be entering. What a relief.
 
i feel like i myself have no objective by which to gauge whether i am truly "attractive" or not. i can not seem to grasp a sense, either way, from the people around me, or the world at large for that matter. so all i can go by is how i feel, and that changes from day to day. some days i feel like i am pretty decent looking, other days i feel like i'm verging on bad looking, and then there are times in which i question any perception of any kind that i might have ever had of myself....it's so confusing. i'm constantly swinging back and forth and i have virtually no outside reinforcement for either side of the pendulum...

so i can't say if my looks have helped. i really can't say. i do think that chances i have gotten in life have been on merit alone, only because, again, i choose to believe that. i simply can not believe that someone would find me "attractive" enough, to the extent that they would offer me some sort of chance or benefit that i wouldn't have been offered otherwise.

i wish that looks didn't play such a part, either way, in matters having nothing to do with physical appearance. but that's far too idealistic of a notion, of course they do. how can they not, humans are so led by the most base instincts, it is neither bad or good. it just is.
 
Reading everyone's replies has been interesting and I also think it points out how even SUBTLE differences in beauty have BIG reactions.

For instance, I think I'm considered a 'sweet' pretty - not sexy, so it was never an issue of girls being jealous or getting lewd reactions from boys. It also means I don't think I could get out of tickets and such with a police officer too (unless he just found me so "innocent".)

I too am VERY chesty as is my sister, but we had very different reactions to it. Part of it is our body builds are very different, our dress is very different and perhaps our personality too.

My sister was/is a 34 D. She dressed very provocatively and has a petite build (normal size 5) and is 5'3" tall. Men see her boobs first. Men/Boys have ALWAYS drooled over my sister and "I" think for all the wrong reasons. She's sexy - even when wearing conservative clothes. She just has a way about her and, I KNOW lots of girls didn't like her because of it - like they always thought she was after ALL the guys which wasn't true. But, even she has gotten some breaks in life because of it, but I ALWAYS felt that she relied on her looks WAY too much - it was ALL she had... a lot like the women on OC Housewives show - without their sex appeal and looks, what else do they have?

Then, there's me. I STUFFED myself in a 36 DD in high school and college. Later I learned that I wear a "G" cup - you read that right!!!! Because I'm overweight now I wear a 40 G, but even when I was thinner, I wore a 36 G. While I won't say that my breasts blend in (how can they?) I don't think they overwhelm me. I'm MUCH larger built (ideal clothing size is a 12) and I'm 5'6". I've never had issues of girls being jealous of me or had guys flinging themselves at me. Part of it is that I'm quite held back/restrained and DO NOT ooze sex and flirting??? I think I learned to flirt with DH, but that's about it. I've always felt that beauty was a passing thing and never wanted to "use" it (but I didn't think I had it in the first place)... And I don't think I'm a BEAUTY... I just think I must have had in those formative years a very sweet pretty face with a good figure (but not Wow-wow-wuzza figure) .

What's funny, is that now i don't believe all beauty fades - not classic beauty. I look at some actresses and actors and some are pretty for life, but you know what? It's not the SEX stars that stay pretty, but those that are pretty in general... And I don't think it's because they age any less, but something's just not sexy about a 40 plus year old woman wearing tight pants and cropped shirts with plunging necklines... I look at the celebrity section and so many awful comments about women who WERE sex symbols who are at or over 40. Yet, women over 40 that are just pretty in general get the "She still looks great" comments.
 
I believe it has mostly hindered me. I'm not exactly ugly but I could be skinnier/taller/prettier and so on. My parents always made it clear that I should be more interested in what's inside my head instead of on it, so I was always the kid with bad hair but reading a great book.

I've become a bit more girly with time but last time me and my friend applied for a position where I was clearly more qualified (and I don't mean to sound cocky or anything), she still got it. Now I can't be positive it was because of looks.. but what else if she can't speak a word of decent English when it was absolutely necessary for the job?
 
This is a really interesting thread! By the way, I love your wedding pics Candace! :smile:

I think we're way too focussed on looks these days. I hate that. It has made my self-esteem very, very low a year ago, I had really hit rock bottom at that time. So I became even more shy and quiet, I wasn't very popular.
In one year I got out of my depression with help from a psychologist. I got way more secure. It helps that I had grown and changed a lot, and I had just dyed my hair blonde.
And all of a sudden, I got very popular, and got a lot of male attention. I still don't really know whether to like it or not. I mean, of course I like being considered pretty (although that's not how I always think of myself), and of course I like getting attention from guys. But on the other hand, I think it's so hypocrite! I've been walking around on the same school for 4 years, and no guy has ever paid attention to me. And since I'm so-called 'pretty', I can basically pick them out. (I really did fall for one boy a couple of months ago, and he has been my boyfriend for 3 months now.) I like it, I kinda do. But it's just weird.
And what I've also experienced: When you have a bit of a 'bimbo'-look going on, people start thinking you're dumb. Even though I'm at grammar school and get straight A's and B's for subjects like for instance English, economics, philosophy and Latin, some people actually start articulating really obviously when they speak to me. What's that about?!
 
I think I'm fairly attractive and other people have told me the same. I consider botha help and a hinder. people are more inclined to help me out and such, but it's a hinder because I get a lot of unwanted male attention. Yesterday, I was walking down the street and this guy put his hand on my chest which was kind of awkward.