Do you stop by your SO's place unannounced?

  1. Hello all:

    After getting into this debate with a friend a few times, I'd like to know what you guys think about dropping by your boyfriend's house without calling ahead of time. One of my guy friends claims that it's extremely rude to stop by unnannouced and that his girlfriend of 6 years knows the rule (she is NEVER allowed to make surprise visits). His behavior is sooo incredibly fishy to me, especially considering the length of time that they've been together. I can't help but thinking that he has something to hide. I also ran into this problem with a boyfriend once (the only time I stopped by in a 2 year relationship without letting him know first). I am from the school of thought that it's generally okay to stop by a boyfriend's house without calling first although it's very RARE that I would do that. While I wouldn''t want to throw off his schedule or monopolze his time by doing it, I just feel like someone that you're in a serious relationship with should feel comfortable with you stopping by on a whim. What's the big deal????
  2. I don't see a big deal, especially if it's a serious relationship. Also, I would find something fishy with this too, if I were in this kind of situation. I would probably drop by unannounced just to see if something was up!
  3. I think I would be angry if someone tried to put "rules" on me. Why would they? Are they hiding something?

    I just drop by unannounced and so on. You don't need to plan to hang out. That sounds insane.
  4. I don't think it's OK to stop by unannounced, because you're basically intruding on your man's personal space....... It's ok to say, hey, i'm going to stop by there sometime this week or sometime today but to make random "surprise" visits w/out any kind of heads up is not cool. That has been done to me in the past and believe me, I get :rant: pissed off. I feel it's an intrusion of space and a sign of distrust (if they feel the need to "do a surprise check"). If I wanted to share all of my personal space w/ my BF, i'll live w/ him.
  5. I could understand it if the SO makes surprise visits very often, but "she's NEVER allowed to make surprise visits"? That sounds shady...especially if they've been together for so long. I wouldn't want rules imposed on me. I've been with my bf for 7 years and he's welcome to come over whenever he wants and i know he's the same with me. I actually think it's sweet if he comes over unannounced (because we live almost an hour away from each other) and surprises me. I don't know...just my opinion.
  6. Swee7bebe: She's NEVER allowed to stop by!

    I know that everyone will have a different opinion on this but it just seems a little bit suspect that after so long he still enforces this rule against her. Maybe I'm just biased b/c I really adore her (she's one of the sweetest people ever and she totally trusts him). I think that when a relationship has already stood the test of time, why have these outdated rules in place? It would be different if they weren't exclusive or monogamous and he was trying to protect his privacy or something.

    D&G Rockstar: I have been in your position before where someone stopped by unannounced and I was just getting out of the shower. I was a bit annoyed too but I didn't let it get under my skin that much. I suppose if I was in a rush to get something done or to go somewhere it would have bothered me more. Nevertheless, it seems like saying "I may stop by there sometime this week" still leaves a HUGE window open, such that you may still be inconvenienced by a semi-surprise visit. I guess sometimes a warning call is better than nothing.
  7. ^^^ yea it does leave a window open, but nevertheless, it's a heads up... and I think that's all i'm asking for.
  8. Since everyone has a cell phone, what's the big deal about calling and saying you are in the neighborhood and thought you might stop by?
  9. I think surprise visits can be sweet ... but that's because I had long distance relationships.

    But if they occur too often, it would be weird (and rude).
  10. surprise visits are cute, unless its because you think your SO doesn't trust you/they happen too often. Once a month or something is last ex stopped by my work once or twice and it was really sweet of him since we lived an hour+ away from each other :smile:
  11. For me it is no big deal at all. I have nothing to hide and my relationshop is very serious. But I can see how some people do want a heads up etc- I guess it just all depends on the situations.

    But NEVER... sounds fishy as hell. Ut-uhh... I would think something is being hid
  12. I LOVE when my husband drops by my office unexpectedly!! It really makes my day... same thing for when we were dating- I used to love pulling up to my house and seeing him waiting in the driveway for me (before he had a key).
  13. i used to drop by my ex's house all the time, we completely trusted each other and he gave me a key to his place. he liked it when i stopped by. i think it's a little weird to not be allowed to drop by after 6 years...
  14. I'm with amanda, after investing that long in the relationship, I would find it freaky and suspicious being instructed NEVER to stop by unannounced. If the SO had more of a "gee, I'd really kinda prefer a call" attitude, that would be one thing...everyone likes a little privacy, and living in separate places necessarily affords some degree of structured separation, but being FOBIDDEN from EVER just dropping by 6 years into it is way out of hand...who died and left him 'in charge' anyway? :hrmm:
  15. Before Jeff moved in with me I always called before coming over to his place because he lived about 25 miles away. I did not want to drive that far in Phoenix traffic only to find he was not home. But, it was never a "rule" that I call ahead of time and I don't think I would appreciate such a restriction. If one is in a 6 year relationship with another I would really think something was going on with that requirement in place.